Dolph: Hey, Milhouse! Cool kids ride bikes with their eyes closed!
Milhouse: (off camera) I'm cool! (he is heard biking, as well as the inevitable results involving a train)
Dolph: I'm out of here. I got Hebrew school.
(At the debate forum)
Kent Brockman: Now, our first question is to Eleanor Abernathy, also known as the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. If you were mayor, what would be your primary concern?
Eleanor Abernathy: (unintelligible staggering) Small business incentives! (unintelligible staggering) Corporate accountability! (unintelligible staggering) Cats in everyone's pants!
Homer: I will run for mayor!
Lisa: And I will be your campaign manager!
Homer: And I will find out what a mayor does! (Pulls out a bottle of beer) Expand my brain, learning juice. audio clip
Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, what about those photos of you strangling your child? (Holds up a photo of Homer strangling Bart in front of a banner that says "Good luck at the press conference, Dad!")
Homer: Why should this election be determined by a photo taken hours ago? audio clip
Rainier Wolfcastle: Vote for me! A steroid-abusing, pot-smoking, women groping, son of a Nazi, washed-up, has-been movie star! (crowd cheers) Oh, also, I believe we should keep an open mind toward stem-cell research. (crowd boos)
Miss Springfield: Just imagine... me! The mayor! Then no one will laugh at my singing! (High pitched and very terrible singing voice) I'm proud to be an American...
Skinner: Lisa, I hold in my hand a sticker with a frowning face on it. Don't make me affix it to your file.
Lisa: (mocking him) Don't make me affix it to your file!
Skinner: (Lisa hits him with a dodge ball) I'm peeling off the back. (with a shoe) Don't make me do this! (with her saxophone) May God forgive me. (He puts the sticker on Lisa's file. The lights begin flickering overhead) Willie, we've got rats chewing through the wiring again.