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ā—„ Lisa's Pony
Saturdays of Thunder
Flaming Moe's ā–ŗ
Bart: Dad, I don't know how to say this. I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly; it handles like a shopping cart.

Martin: What is the matter with you?
Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.

Bart: Oh, I don't know if I should do that. My dad and I build our car together, and if I drove somebody else's it'd kill him! On the other hand, I'll do it!

Homer: Thank you, Bill Cosby. You've saved The Simpsons!

Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
Homer: Anything for my little girl.

Nelson: Hey, Simpson, where's your loser-mobile?
Homer: Loser mobile... hehehe... wait a minute!
Bart: Uh, It's over there Nelson.
Nelson: Whoa, talk about your pieces of crap!

Homer: I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat.
Homer: I'm also fat!

Homer calls Fatherhood Institute
Homer: I got 0 on your quiz.
Director: A zero?! Please hold.
Director puts Homer on hold and talks to his secretary
Director: Cancel my 1:00!
Simpson residence. Men abduct Homer, who takes it in stride
Homer: Goodbye, son!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart, I think they're finally hauling your dad away!
Bart: Maybe it's for the best.

Director: For starters, Mr. Simpson, take this copy of Fatherhood by Bill Cosby.
Homer: If he's as smart as he is funny, I'm sold!

Marge: Question one: "Name one of your child's friends."
Homer: Uh, let's see, Bart's friends... well, there's the fat kid with the thing, uh, the little wiener who's always got his hands in his pockets.
Marge: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description.
Homer: Okay...Hank?
Marge: Hank? "Hank" who?
Homer: Hank...Jones.
Marge: Homer, you made that up! Question two: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next!
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!

Homer: Wow, I'm one question away from being a perfect father! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Ned Flanders: Ohh! - Hey-hey-ho, Simpson.
Homer: Shut up, Flanders. Flanders! Flanders! Flanders. Uh... Uh... When should a boy start dating?
Ned Flanders: There are two schools of thought on the subject-
Homer: Great! Thanks! (rushes away) I talked to Flanders about parenting! I'm a perfect father!

Referee: Whoa. Where's your helmet?
Bart: Helmets are for wusses, sir.
Referee: I can't let you go without a helmet.
Homer: He's my son, and if he doesn't wanna wear one, you can't make him!
Referee: Okay, fine. I wanna get out of here sometime today.

Martin: Deploy, damn you, DEPLOY!
(The rocket car crashes into the barrier, as a fire truck rushes over to extinguish the vehicle)
Martin: (runs around on fire) GAAHHHHH!


ā—„ Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4 ā–ŗ
Stark Raving Dad ā€¢ Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington ā€¢ When Flanders Failed ā€¢ Bart the Murderer ā€¢ Homer Defined ā€¢ Like Father, Like Clown ā€¢ Treehouse of Horror II ā€¢ Lisa's Pony ā€¢ Saturdays of Thunder ā€¢ Flaming Moe's ā€¢ Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk ā€¢ I Married Marge ā€¢ Radio Bart ā€¢ Lisa the Greek ā€¢ Homer Alone ā€¢ Bart the Lover ā€¢ Homer at the Bat ā€¢ Separate Vocations ā€¢ Dog of Death ā€¢ Colonel Homer ā€¢ Black Widower ā€¢ The Otto Show ā€¢ Bart's Friend Falls in Love ā€¢ Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
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