- Homer: (After being kicked out of Jockey Town) Did that really happen? Or was it all just a wonderful dream?
- Jockey: No dream. Lose the race, Fat Boy.
- Homer: He better win, because if he doesn't, it's a trip to the glue factory. And he isn't coming!
- Lenny: It's a brilliant tour, but you can't see it all in one day.
- Bill Clinton: Thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
- Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
- Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.
- Announcer: Be sure to stick around for the Battle of the Elementary School Bands.
- Homer: Ohhh.
- Marge: Homer, Lisa's in that!
- Homer: I stand by my disappointed groan.
- Marge: Should the Simpsons get a horse?
- Comic Book Guy: Excuse me, I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart with hilarious consequences.
- Homer: Does anyone care what this guy thinks?
- Crowd: No!
- Homer: Man, I got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined.
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