|Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times||
- Homer: (angrily at the Rich Texan) Reeevenge!!!
- Rich Texan: Out of my way, you seatbelt wearing cowards.
- Homer: (while crawling through a tunnel) I wonder how long this tunnel… iiiiiiiiiiiiis! (falls in water and into a cage that locks up) D'oh.
- Marge: Revenge never solves anything!
- Homer: (sarcastically) Then what's America doing in Iraq?
- Marge: Homer!
- Homer: Yes, my love?
- Marge: You killed my husband! (she slaps him and runs towards Moe's corpse) No!
- Bart and Lisa: Papa Maux! Papa Maux!
- Homer: You guys liked him?
- Marge: We were together for five years. Now who's going to take care of the triplets? (Homer looks at the triplets that are resembling to Moe and Maggie)
- Homer: But Marge, I did it all for you.
- Marge: For me, huh? What took you so long?
- Homer: It takes time to make a revenge machine this awesome. Plus, in the middle, I had to take revenge on some of my contractors.
- Marge: You spent so much time plotting your revenge, you lost everything that really mattered. Come on, kids. (she storms off with Bart and Lisa with Homer sad)
- Bart: Ay, Carumba! (outside the story) That's the only line I get in your stupid story?
- Lisa: There's no such thing as small parts, just small actors. (laughs)
- Lou: No sign of the Serpent.
- Chief Wiggum: It's always work with you.
- Bart: Now we have three ways to talk about revenge, although the first two were sort of the same, and even the third would have worked better as a Halloween Story.
- Lenny: (to Homer) Now get some sleep, you have a 9:00 AM rat helmet.
- Homer: 9:00 AM?
- Nelson: (to Milhouse) Ha ha, you forgot me because I had the mumps!
- Milhouse: Having a weapon at school has really made things awesome.
- Martin: Good Morning, dinguses. What are you doing, touching each other's butts?
- Dolph: (to Martin) You are so dead you're alive.
- Judge: I sentence you to life.
- Homer: You moron, I'm already alive.
- Judge: In prison!
- Moe: I hate this Homer jerk with his beautiful wife and loving family, when all I got is this doorway.
- Snake: Hand over your wallet.
- Homer: You don't frighten me! (Snake shoots Homer) Or my wife! (Snake shoots Marge) Or my...
- Marge: Shut up!
- Bart: (crashes through the window) Party's over, Serpent.
- Chief Wiggum: No kidding, you're standing in the dip
- Homer: (after Lisa's story) Wow! That had what I really like in a story: an ending!