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- Homer: (while lounging on the couch) Ah, I love these lazy Saturdays.
- Marge: It's Wednesday, Homer.
- Homer: (screams) Work!
- Homer: Ahhh, I love these real Saturdays, they're so relaxing, not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired.
- Ned Flanders: (screams) Purple drapes. All my life I've wanted purple drapes! (screams)
- Marge: (while at the unemployment office) $300 for doing nothing? It feel like such a crook.
- George Bush Sr.: Don't worry. It gets easier every week.
- Marge: What in the heck is a dwelling?
- Cookie Kwan: Hi, Marge! Stay off the west side!
- Lisa: (while riding in Homer's car) Dad, doesn't this car have seatbelts?
- Homer: Seatbelts, pff! They kill more people than they save!
- Lisa: That's not true, you're thinking of airbags!
- Homer: (to Principal Skinner) Hey Skinner, wanna drag race? [revs his car engine]
- Principal Skinner: My high school sweetheart was killed in a high school drag racing accident.
- Homer: Come on, it'll be fun!
- Principal Skinner: That's what Debbie Sue said.
- Snake: (about his car Lil' Bandit) Hey, that smells like regular. She needs premium, dude! PREMIUM! DUUUUUDE!!
- Kirk: I told that idiot to slice my sandwich! (wire cuts half of his arm off) Ow.