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◄	I Married Marge

Radio Bart

Lisa the Greek

[Looking for a snack, Homer finds several containers of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer.]
Homer:		[in anticipation] Mmmm ... chocolate!
[Homer opens the container and the chocolate ice cream is all gone. The strawberry and vanilla, however, are completely untouched.]
Homer:		"D'oh! [tries another container] Mmmm...chocolate! [same results] D'oh!
[Homer checks the rest of the containers and they're all the same: Chocolate all gone and strawberry and vanilla untouched.]
Homer:		[hollering] Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!"

[Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer.]
Bart:		'[on radio] People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!
[Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun.]

[Bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]
Bart:		[on radio] "Rod! Todd! This is God!
Rod:		How did you get on the radio?
Bart:		Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid.
[Rod and Todd quickly fall to their kness and clasp their hands.]
Todd:		Forgive my brother. We believe you!
Bart:		Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!
[Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]
Bart:		Later. [laughs]
Todd:		What do you want from us?
Bart:		I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.
Rod:		But those cookies belong to our parents!
Bart:		[grumbles] Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?
Todd:		[quickly] Happy God!
Bart:		Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!
Rod and Todd:		Yes, sir!

[After hearing Timmy O'Toole's voice in the well, Groundskeeper Willie leaps onto his tractor and drives to town for help.]
Willie:		[cutting several cars off] Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s ass!

[In an interview with Kent Brockman, Krusty the Clown tells the story of the making of "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."]
Krusty:		I called my good friend Sting. He said, "Krusty, when do you need me?" I said, "Thursday." He said, "I'm busy Thursday." I said, "What about Friday?" He said, "Friday's worse than Thursday." Then he said, "How about Saturday?" I said, "Fine." True story!

[After falling into the well, Bart confesses his prank to Springfield Police officers Lou and Eddie.]
Bart:		Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy O'Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.
Lou:		Well you sure fooled us, kid.
Eddie:		Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let's go home and go to sleep.
[They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]

[On Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman interviews Homer and Marge about Bart's being stuck in the well.]
Kent:		The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents. {{Q\|Homer\|It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!"
Marge:		[indignantly] Homer!!!
Homer:		Uh ... Could you edit that last part out?
Kent:		Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast!
Homer:		D'oh!"

[Led by Homer, a group of townspeople work to dig Bart out of the well after the city of Springfield refuses to help.]
Apu:		A canary!!
Willie:		Gas! Out of the hole!
[Everyone runs out of the well in panic. Dr. Hibbert performs a quick autopsy on the dead bird.]
Dr. Hibbert:		Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.
Willie:		Back in the hole!

[Also joining in the effort to rescue Bart is Sting.]
Marge:		Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.
Sting:		Not while one of my fans needs me.
Marge:		Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums.
Homer:		[shushing Marge] "Sssshhhh!! Marge, he's a good digger!"

Lisa:		Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?
Homer:		Here you go.
Lisa:		[counts the money] "Dad, this is $110!
Homer:		Oh, sorry." [gives her his wallet]

Falcon Man:		Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch. [The falcon is released and flies away.] I don't think he's coming back.

Chief Wiggum:		I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.

Homer:		That little Timmy is a real hero.
Lisa:		What makes him a hero, Dad?
Homer:		Well, he fell down the well and ... can't get out.
Lisa:		How does that make him a hero?
Homer:		Well, it's more than you did!

Bart:		[at the barber shop, getting a shave] Digital audio tape, my butt! When I was a kid, we had compact discs, and I don't recall no one complaining.
Barber:		Damn right.

Homer:		Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.

◄ Season 2	Season 3 Quotes	Season 4 ►
Stark Raving Dad • Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington • When Flanders Failed • Bart the Murderer • Homer Defined • Like Father, Like Clown • Treehouse of Horror II • Lisa's Pony • Saturdays of Thunder • Flaming Moe's • Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk • I Married Marge • Radio Bart • Lisa the Greek • Homer Alone • Bart the Lover • Homer at the Bat • Separate Vocations • Dog of Death • Colonel Homer • Black Widower • The Otto Show • Bart's Friend Falls in Love • Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Radio Bart/Quotes