Pygmoelian/Quotes

Episode	References	Gags	Appearances	Gallery	Quotes	Credits

◄ Missionary: Impossible

Pygmoelian

Bart to the Future ►

Homer: Moe! The new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.

Moe: Oh, boy! Move over, liquor license. (takes a framed license down from the wall)

Lenny: (reading license) Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhode Island … and it's signed by you.

Moe: Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and, real.

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Duffman: And the winner… Moe Szyslak!

Moe: Aw, that's great, thank you, thanks a lot. Uh, I just want to say that it was an honor for me to compete against the Mick and the, uh, the chick with the rack there.

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Duffman: Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley, and sparkling clear mountain … what?

Titania: (rings bell) Goat.

Duffman: Close Enough!

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Duff Man: Are you ready for some Duff love?!

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Homer: Good work, everyone. We're sure to be first in line for "Duff Days."

Marge: You set off the smoke alarm to rush us to a beer festival?

Homer: (chuckles) I know. I'm a character. Now a little beer music to get in the mood.

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Moe: Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome! Me! It's like I've gone to heaven. Wait a minute… I died on the operating table didn't I?

Homer: Heh heh, yeah. But just for a minute. It's a funny story, I'll tell you some time.

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Nurse: Oh boy, what a mug!

Surgeon: Yea, you should see his genitals, would you like to see his genitals?

Moe: I'm awake here.

Surgeon: Hey this isn't anesthetic. It's new car smell.

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Moe: It's hopeless, ain't it?

Surgeon: No, no, no, I love a challenge. First, we must install buttocks.

Moe: Nah, nah, nah - no luxury items. Just the face.

Surgeon: (drawing on Moe's face with a marker) Okay, I'm going to move this up, this wider. Gonna lose that. I've never even seen one of these!

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Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?

Bart: (sarcastic) Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwypop. Actually, I would like a wowwypop.

Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years. And if Bart gets a wowwypop, I want a wowwypop.

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Gay man: Alright then, we need a symbol for our campaign. Something that says we're gay and republican.

(A pink balloon in the shape of an elephant flies through the window.)

Gay man: A little bit on the nose, don't you think?

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Homer: (to Lenny & Carl) OK, ready, guys? One...two...three...

(All three lift up their shirts; Homer has "M" on his chest, Carl has "O" on his and Lenny has "O" too)

Homer: "MOO"!? Lenny, you were suppose to be "E"!

Carl: See what happens when you skip rehearsal?

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Moe: Am I really that ugly?

Carl: Well, it's all relative, Moe. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that fat, bald and stupid?

(Everyone but Carl begins to cry)

Carl: (to the camera) See, this is why I don't talk much.

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(At the end of the episode)

Moe: But what I don't get is why after the wall fell on me, why did it go back to my old face and not turn into a new, third face? Don't make no... (the end credits begin to roll.)

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Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.

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Actor: [to the producer] But I've been playing Dr. Tad Winslow for 25 years! It's time I got a raise.

Producer: Oh, shut up, you windy old hack.

Actor: And another thing, you have to stop calling me that.

Moe: [pushes the actor aside] Remember me? 25 years ago, you said I was too ugly to play Dr. Tad Winslow.

Producer: I did? Well, that's why pencils have erasers, hon. You're our new Dr. Tad Winslow.

Moe: Really? You mean it?

Actor: But there can't be two Dr. Tad Winslows, that's going to ... [realizes] Oh. [he takes off his eye patch, hands it to Moe, and walks off the set]

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Lisa: I don't know if I'll be able to accept Moe as Dr. Tad Winslow.

Marge: Well, I'm going to keep watching as long as they have shocking story twists and endless pillow talk.

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Carl: So, Lenny, how are things working out between you and that girl next door?

Lenny: Eh, it's over. She got a windowshade.

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Homer: (reading the "It's Never End" storylines) Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists, with sexy results.

Moe: Ooh, that's unexpected. What else?

Homer: Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team, with sexy results.

[Scene cuts to the Simpson home, where Marge and the kids watch the show]

Bart: What's Dad doing on the show?

Marge: Who cares? He's dishing out the dirt. [writes down "Sexy Results" on her notepad]

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Producer: (to Moe and Homer) What the hell are you two doing?

Moe: Sticking it to you for killing off my character. [he and Homer high-five each other]

Producer: You idiot. Dr. Winslow was only going to die in a dream.

Moe: Whaa?

Producer: [holds up the script to a pink page] Pink pages always mean a dream.

Moe: I thought dreams was on goldenrod.

Producer: No, goldenrod is for coma fantasies.

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Homer: (Drinks his Duff Beer) You can really taste the goat.