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Missionary: Impossible
Pygmoelian
Bart to the Future
Homer: Moe! The new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.
Moe: Oh, boy! Move over, liquor license. (takes a framed license down from the wall)
Lenny: (reading license) Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhode Island … and it's signed by you.
Moe: Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and, real.

Duff Man: And the winner… Moe Szyslak!
Moe: Aw, that's great; thank you, thanks a lot. Uh, I just want to say that it was an honor for me to compete against the Mick and the, uh, the chick with the rack there.

Duff Man: Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley, and sparkling clear mountain … what?
Titania: (rings bell) Goat.

Duff Man: Are you ready for some Duff love?!

Homer: Good work, everyone. We're sure to be first in line for "Duff Days."
Marge: You set off the smoke alarm to rush us to a beer festival?
Homer: (chuckles) I know. I'm a character. Now a little beer music to get in the mood.

Moe: Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome! Me! It's like I've gone to heaven. Wait a minute… I died on the operating table didn't I?
Homer: Heh heh, yeah. But just for a minute. It's a funny story, I'll tell you some time.

Nurse: Oh boy, what a mug!
Surgeon: Yea, you should see his genitals, would you like to see his genitals?
Moe: I'm awake here.
Surgeon: Hey this isn't anesthetic. It's new car smell.

Moe: It's hopeless, ain't it?
Surgeon: No, no, no, I love a challenge. First, we must install buttocks.
Moe: Nah, nah, nah - no luxury items. Just the face.
Surgeon: (drawing on Moe's face with a marker) Okay, I'm going to move this up, this wider. Gonna lose that. I've never even seen one of these!

Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?
Bart: (sarcastic) Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwypop. Actually, I would like a wowwypop.
Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years. And if Bart gets a wowwypop, I want a wowwypop.

Gay man: Alright then, we need a symbol for our campaign. Something that says we're gay and republican.
(A pink balloon in the shape of an elephant flies through the window.)
Gay man: A little bit on the nose, don't you think?

Homer: (to Lenny & Carl) OK, ready, guys? One...two...three...
(All three lift up their shirts; Homer has "M" on his chest, Carl has "O" on his and Lenny has "O" too)
Homer: "MOO"!? Lenny, you were suppose to be "E"!
Carl: See what happens when you skip rehearsal?

Moe: Am I really that ugly?
Carl: Well, it's all relative, Moe. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that fat, bald and stupid?
(Everyone but Carl begins to cry)
Carl (to the camera): See, this is why I don't talk much.

(At The end of the episode)
Moe: But what I don't get is why after the wall fell on me, why did it go back to my old face and not turn into a new, third face? Don't make no... (the end credits begin to roll.)

Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.

Actor [to the producer]: But I've been playing Dr. Tad Winslow for 25 years! It's time I got a raise.
Producer: Oh, shut up, you windy old hack.
Actor: And another thing, you have to stop calling me that.
Moe: [pushes the actor aside] Remember me? 25 years ago, you said I was too ugly to play Dr. Tad Winslow.
Producer: I did? Well, that's why pencils have erasers, hon. You're our new Dr. Tad Winslow.
Moe: Really? You mean it?
Actor: But there can't be two Dr. Tad Winslows, that's going to ... [realizes] Oh. [he takes off his eye patch, hands it to Moe, and walks off the set]

Lisa: I don't know if I'll be able to accept Moe as Dr. Tad Winslow.
Marge: Well, I'm going to keep watching as long as they have shocking story twists and endless pillow talk.

Carl: So, Lenny, how are things working out between you and that girl next door?
Lenny: Eh, it's over. She got a windowshade.

Homer (reading the "It's Never End" storylines): Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists, with sexy results.
Moe: Ooh, that's unexpected. What else?
Homer: Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team, with sexy results.
[Scene cuts to the Simpson home, where Marge and the kids watch the show]
Bart: What's Dad doing on the show?
Marge: Who cares? He's dishing out the dirt. [writes down "Sexy Results" on her notepad]

Producer (to Moe & Homer): What the hell are you two doing?
Moe: Sticking it to you for killing off my character. [he and Homer high-five each other]
Producer: You idiot. Dr. Winslow was only going to die in a dream.
Moe: Whaa?
Producer: [holds up the script to a pink page] Pink pages always mean a dream.
Moe: I thought dreams was on goldenrod.
Producer: No, goldenrod is for coma fantasies.

Season 10 Season 11 Quotes Season 12
Beyond BlunderdomeBrother's Little HelperGuess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?Treehouse of Horror XE-I-E-I-D'ohHello Gutter, Hello FadderEight Misbehavin'Take My Wife, SleazeGrift of the MagiLittle Big MomFaith OffThe Mansion FamilySaddlesore GalacticaAlone Again, Natura-DiddilyMissionary: ImpossiblePygmoelianBart to the FutureDays of Wine and D'oh'sesKill the Alligator and RunLast Tap Dance in SpringfieldIt's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad MargeBehind the Laughter

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