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: Marge, honey, I've got five words to say to you: Homer (counts on his fingers) Greasy Joe's Bottomless Bar-B-Q Pit!
: Oh, Homer, remember you promised you'd try to limit pork to 6 servings a week?
Marge Homer: Marge, I'm only human!
: Aunt Selma?
Lisa : [grunts]
Selma Lisa: Do you think you'll ever get married?
Selma: [sadly] Oh, I don't know. [perks up] Why? You know somebody?
Lisa: Since I'm sure you'd only resent the pity of an 8-year-old niece, I'll simply hope that you're one of the statistically insignificant number of 40-year-old single women who ever find their fair prince.
Homer: Which one's Selma again?
Marge: She's the one who likes Police Academy movies and Hummel figurines, and walking through the park on clear autumn days.
Homer: Oh, yeah yeah yeah. But I thought she was the one that didn't like to be... you know... touched.
Marge: It's Patty who chose a life of celibacy. Selma simply had celibacy thrust upon her.
: Bart, I'm flabbergasted. Surely you knew as you were writing your own name in 40-foot-high letters on the field that you would be caught.
Principal Skinner : Maybe it was one of the other Barts, sir.
Bart Skinner: (yells)
THERE ARE NO OTHER BARTS! Bart: Uh-oh.
Skinner: The sheer contempt demonstrated by this incident makes me wish I could pull the trusty Board of Education out of retirement. (sighs) Call your father immediately.
Bart: Hello, is Homer there?
: Homer who?
Moe Bart: Homer...Sexual.
Moe: Wait one second. Let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Ah, come on, come on! One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer: (laughing) Don’t look at me! (laughs)
Moe: Oh, no. You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I’ll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner: You’ll do what, young man?!
Moe: What? What? Wait. Who is this?
Skinner: I think the real question is who is this,
AND WHERE IS HOMER SIMPSON?! Moe: Whoa. Whoa. Sorry, Principal Skinner. Sorry. It’s a bad connection, I think. Homer, it’s for you. I think Bart’s in trouble again.
Homer: D’oh! (Cut to principal's office) What's he done now?
Bart: [grumbling while re-sodding the field, one seed at a time] Oh, stupid Principal Skinner. You've got to be kidding me... [stops as he meets Groundskeeper Willie and Principal Skinner]}}
: Groundskeeper Willie [debut lines] Save yer strength, lad. Heh. There's a whole field for you to re-sod yet. [leaves, chuckling]
Skinner: [to Patty] So, see me again tomorrow?
: Patty [grunt] I'm afraid that's my microwave cookery class.
Skinner: Then the day after that.
Patty: Oh, gee. Tae kwon do.
Skinner: The day after that, then.
Patty: Seymour, you're touching me.
Skinner: Kiss me, Patty. I don't have cooties.
Skinner: [to Bart] I'm going to ask for your Aunt Patty's hand in marriage.
Bart: It's your funeral, Seymour.
Selma: [to Bart] What did you learn in school today?
Bart: Principal Skinner's gonna ask Aunt Patty to marry him.
Selma: [after a moment of silence] Hmm. Thanks, kid. You made my day.
: She broke my heart, Moe. Barney (Sobs)
: Don't worry, Barney. Time heals all wounds.
Moe Barney: (sees a full pitcher of beer) Well, what do you know? You're right! And, look, a whole pitcher to myself!
Skinner: Oh, Springfield Elementary! I will have you back again. After all, tomorrow is another school day!