- Marge: Rap music belongs in the rubbish bin, it promotes violence and rudeness to hoes.
- Bart: Step off, Mom. Rap is the poetry of the street.
- Marge: Well you are not going to any concert that propagates street talk.
- Lisa: Just what we need. Another lame suburban kid who loves rap.
- Bart: So? You like the Blues.
- Lisa: Yes, but the Blues are unpopular.
- Bart: I lied about being kidnapped. The whole thing was a hoax.
- Wiggum: A hoax? A hoax!? Aw, please, you can't takes this away from me! How would I explain it to Ralphie?
- Bart: Well, I paid for this ticket. That makes me an adult. I'm going! (Bart leaves for a second, then comes back, hugging his Krusty doll.) I wuv you Krusty, Wusty! (Bart kisses his doll and leaves)
- 50 Cent: Yo! B, I heard you throw down on stage, wanna join my world tour?
- Bart: Sorry, fiddy, I have school tomorrow.
- 50 Cent: You're right. The more you know, the further you go, and that's one to grow on. (turns to his assistant) Does that count as community service?
- Assistant: No.
- 50 Cent: Aight, take 'em to the park. We'll go pick up some dog poop.
- Assistant: Yes, sir!
- Milhouse: Are you mad at me?
- Bart: No, it's not about you.
- Milhouse: (disappointed) Oh, it's never about me!
- Bart: Man, are you illin.
- Lisa: Rappers stopped saying "illin" twelve years ago.
- Bart: I'm keepin' it real!
- Lisa: They stopped saying "keepin' it real" three years ago.
- Bart: Mom! Lisa's dissin' me!
- Marge: "Dissin'"? Do rappers still say that?
- Chief Wiggum: (reads headlines to self) "Wiggum Sleeps Through Riot", "Top Cop Surrenders to Backfiring Car", "Firemen Rescue Police Chief from Tree", "Commission: Wiggum Sucks" Wow I should have read these headlines a long time ago. Together they really paint a picture... a failure. And now, my only friend is the bottle (pulls out bottle of maple syrup and pancakes)
- Barney Fife: (in hallucination) Rise and shine, Chief Wiggum. This pity party is over.
- Wiggum: Wha?! Officer down! (sees Fife on the TV) Barney Fife?!
- Fife: Y-E-S spells "you got it, buster!" and I wanna tell you that the feelings you have are common for every (sniff) brother of the badge.
- Wiggum: Yeah, well my fat grew over my badge.
- Fife: Oh, sour mash. You just gotta pull together and get the old (sniff) crime-sniffer out on the street.
- Wiggum: You're right! It's time I buckle down and really do some police work!
- Fife: Now that's the can-do attitude that puts dudes in the can! Ha, ha, ha. Well, I'm wanted back on the set.
- Wiggum: Set? Are you the character or the actor who plays him?
- Fife: (ghost-like voice) Now, I must goooooo!
- Wiggum: What a minute. Now you're a ghost?
- Fife: Avenge meeee!
- Alcatraaaz: (throws Bart a Murder 4 Life jersey) Here ya go, ya little yellow cracka. (to Hummer Limo driver) Now, let's go murder our enemies. (to Bart) Peace.
- Homer: Bart's gone! I checked everywhere.
- Marge: That little sneak disobeyed us and went to that hip hop festival!
- Homer: If that's true he's gonna be like N.W.A: Not Without Ass-Welts!
- Kirk: Oh baby, what could be better than video poker and Chintsy-Pop? (takes a handful of popcorn) Wow! I'm lookin' at an inside straight! (presses a button, which replaces the ace with a five. The word "LOSER" appears with the losing music) Someday I'll hear the winning music. Someday.
- (Chief and other cops burst to the door)
- Wiggum: Drop the corn, tightey-whitey!
- Kirk: (shouts) What!? I didn't do anything!
- Alcatraaz: Yo, cuz, drop down my mic unless you know how to use it. This is old school, not preschool, so don't Dr. Seuss it.
- Bart: (raps)
- Don't critique my technique, I'm no geek.
- I make the principal nervous, my friends can confirm this,
- I'll bust a spitwad in your epidermis.
- You can trace my remorse to its supersized source. A hungry, hungry hypocrite named Homer of course,
- My old man's pathetic, damn, is his head thick,
- the gas from his ass is carcinogenic, every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic.