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|| Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
- Homer: You can check my carry-on, but you can't check my spirit! And why is there moisture between the windows?! And don't wake me up to land! Just land!
- Homer: [heavily disguised] A six-pack of Duff, please?
- Apu: Oh yes, Mr. Homer.
- Homer: Awwww, what gave me away?
- Apu: Well, the hotdogs spin counter-clockwise in fear whenever you are near, sir.
- Nash Kastor: Yes, your video has been mashed up, Autotuned, Jimmy Falloned, Philippine Prisonered and occasionally even watched! Ha!
- Homer: If we lose football, we lose the blitz, cheerleaders, Rudys, Ochocincos, something for fat kids to play. [starts crying] Ochocincos! [sobbing loudly]
- Carl: Is it a little weird how much he cries?
- Lenny: No way! When a guy who loves America cries it makes him super-straight.
- Homer: Aw, Marge, don't worry. People know I'm doing a character, like Stephen Colbert or Newt Gingrich.
- Homer: Now Lisa, I'm an entertainer. And you can't entertain and inform at the same time. And if you're Access Hollywood, you do neither. [chuckles]
- Mr. Burns: Now they're all excellent choices, so simply pick the white male candidate you prefer and we'll elect him.
- Homer: I dunno, can't we get Chris Christie to run?
- Mr. Burns: I don't think so.
- [Meanwhile, Chris Christie is gorging himself on a large amount of food. He starts choking on the turkey he was eating.]
- Chris Christie: Save me, Obamacare!
- Homer: Ted Nugent! I made love on my honeymoon to your sweet music. YOU'RE MY MAN!
- Lisa: You're endorsing Ted Nugent? He's a right-wing rock star who likes everything I hate!
- Bart: Could there be anyone awesomer?
- Ted Nugent: [entering with a gravy boat on his head and a freshly-killed elk] Who's hungry for elk?
- Lisa: [screams and runs away from the dinner table]
- Marge: My daughter's a vegetarian.
- Ted Nugent: That's alright, she can munch on an antler. Antlers ain't meat.
- Homer: [screams] Mozart!
- James Madison: I am James Madison, Sir.
- Homer: [screams]
- James Madison: Fourth President of these United States.
- Homer: My fellow Americans, I am full of crap.
- Lisa: I knew you were, Dad. [hugs Homer] I always knew!