Brick Like Me
Pay Pal
The Yellow Badge of Cowardge
Homer: You pay Lenny and Carl to be my friends?!
Abe: Yes, but Barney's yours for nothing.

Shauna: We got some put-backs.
Gil: Rodger-dodger, boss!
Shauna: Hey, don't turn old man on me.
Gil: You know, I used to be the buyer for the whole chain-- 71 stores! You heard of the A&P? Well, we used to be the J&G. [sings] You like what you see at the J&G, they used to be three, but we lost the 'Z' and-
Shauna [annoyed]: If I make out with you, will you shut up?
Gil: Ah, give it a shot. [Shauna kisses Gil] You know, we used to give out gray stamps. Remember green stamps? Ours was gray.

Lisa: (to Tumi) Want some more smoothie?
Tumi: As long as you load up on the kale and chia! (Lisa fills her glass with smoothie and umi takes a sip)
Bart: (spying on them) No one likes veggie smoothies that much. Or at all! Hmm... Something's fishy about that girl, and I'm gonna follow her till I find out what!
Milhouse: And I'm gonna help you!
Bart: Hmm... I think I'll need you back at headquarters manning the phones!
Milhouse: Great! What do I say?
Bart: Just let them ring.
Milhouse: Got it!

(Bart enters Lisa's bedroom)
Lisa: What do you want?
Bart: I've got two things for you. This envelope will change your life for the low, low price of five dollars, and I'll throw in a piece of great advice. Tempted?
(Lisa gives five dollars to Bart)
Lisa: What's the advice?
Bart: Don't open the envelope. (laughs)

(Lisa enters the kitchen to question Marge about her "friendship")
Lisa: (to Santa's Little Helper) You don't wanna be here! (The dog leaves and Homer enters the kitchen) Neither do you! (Homer leaves and Lisa stares at Maggie, who jumps with her chair to another room) Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend? (groans) Answer me!
Marge: I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. I just gave her money for records and ice cream.
Homer: (From other room) You gave away ice cream?
Lisa: I would have found a friend eventually. You couldn't wait a damn decade until I got into college! (runs off crying)
Marge: Lisa, Lisa wait! (Lisa passes crying in front of Homer)
Homer: Oh God, oh God, I'm the smart parent!

Lisa: Happy Mother's day.
Bart and Homer: Mother's day?!
Homer: Crap!

Season 24 Season 25 Quotes Season 26
HomerlandTreehouse of Horror XXIVFour Regrettings and a FuneralYoloLabor PainsThe Kid is All RightYellow SubterfugeWhite Christmas BluesSteal This EpisodeMarried to the BlobSpecs and the CityDiggsThe Man Who Grew Too MuchThe Winter of His ContentThe War of ArtYou Don't Have to Live Like a RefereeLuca$Days of Future FutureWhat to Expect When Bart's ExpectingBrick Like MePay PalThe Yellow Badge of Cowardge