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Paths of Glory/Quotes

< Paths of Glory

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Episode
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Quotes
Credits
Lisa with an "S"
Paths of Glory
Barthood
Gary Chalmers: (clears throats) Yes, uh, The students of Springfield Elementary have each created an alternative energy vehicle. One of which will ensure the future of humanity as determined by a short race across the parking lot. Yeah, yeah.

Gary Chalmers: And now, uh, what is your car powered by, uh, fat little boy?
Üter Zörker: Hydrogen-powered fuel cells.
Gary Chalmers: Ah, hydrogen-- yeah, yes, wonderful.
Martin: My car is powered by the wind! (The Winds is coming but the car energy is out) Oh, how it blows.
Ralph: (talking to Superintendent Chalmers) Mine is potato powered!(points to car)
Hans Moleman: I keep telling you, I'm not a potato!
Ralph: Be quiet, hash browns!

Lisa: Dad I'm so excited! I'm think-- Hey, please don't stand so close. In the world of solar power, shadows are the arch-enemy. I think I might win.
Homer: I Believe in you and that's a given. But I don't know. That kid's car has flames painted on the side of it. Why would he do it if it wasn't fast?

Bart: Ay, carumba!
Lisa: Bart, if we find those inventions, we can prove that Amelia was scientifically significant!!
Bart: Pass!
Lisa: Listen to me. (grabs him by his t-shirt) I need to prove this woman was not a lunatic so people will not giggle when they hear the words "woman scientist".
Grandpa: (giggles) "Woman scientist"! What's next? boy cigarette girl!? (laughs)
Lisa: Let me ask again. Will you help me break into an abandoned insane asylum?

Bart: (reading Nathan Little's diary) "Dear Diary, today I watched a neighbor's house burn down. This will teach their dog to laugh at me." Whoa, Look at me!! I'm enjoying reading!!

Bart: (To Nelson, Milhouse, Lewis and Ralph) Guys, did you ever read something and think it was written just for you? Behold the diary of Nathan Little! (rips off some pages and gives them to the other children)
Milhouse: (reading) "I pushed a vagabond under a trolley."
Ralph: What's a trolley?
Bart: Old-timey subway.
Ralph: What's a vagabond?
Bart: Homeless guy.
Ralph: (whimpers) What's a homeless guy?

Chief Wiggum: And shuffle off. Shuffle off. Shuffle off.

(Homer and Marge take Bart to an asylum)
Bart Wait a minute! (two guards hold him) What is this? Is it an asylum?
Guard: No, it's a pizza parlor.
Bart: Please tell me, Dad, is it really a pizza parlor?
Homer: No, son. the pizza parlor is where your mom and I are going afterwards. Now, you're gonna be fine. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the least messed-up kid in the whole joint! We love you! (they take Bart inside and close the doors)
Marge: Wait, wait, wait! I didn't even get to say good-bye. (The doors re-open)
Bart: Good-bye! I'll never forgive you!!
Homer: There. You happy?

(Bart is in one of the asylum cells with other kids)
Bart: Let me out! I was just playing a joke! A cruel joke on the people that love me, that I don't regret! That doesn't make me a sociopath! (a woman enters the room)
Nurse: Children, form a line in order of medication from Adderall to Zoloft. (the children form a line) You have been brought here for a purpose. You are fearless, and no one can stop you, which means you'll be of great use... (an army general enters the room)
Army General: ...To the U.S. Military! (the kids stare blankly at him) I expected more of a reaction. I-I waited outside the door and everything.
Nurse: They don't react. That's what we want!
Army General: Right... We'll be using you in the ultimate video game: to test these U.S. Air Force drone simulators! (the walls come down revealing the simulators and the kids continue to stare blankly at him) Man, that is a tough crowd!

(Homer and Marge are sad, eating pizza after taking Bart to the asylum. Lisa enters the kitchen)
Lisa: Mom! Dad! I've discovered the most amazing thing, I can't wait... hum... Where's Bart?
Marge: He's safe.
Homer: And more importantly: We're safe.
Marge: (sobs) I miss him so much! (combs Santa's Little Helper's fur like bart's hair)
Lisa: Hmm... Can I call him?
Homer: You can call his guard, Tico. He picks up sometimes.
Lisa: I see... Okay.., I'll do that. (leaves)
Marge: Homie, where did we go wrong?
Homer: I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. We did everything we could for him during the commercials.

Kent Brockman: And we're live as Lisa Simpson prepares to prove that Springfield embarrassment Amelia Vanderbuckle deserves to be in the female scientific pantheon, along with Marie Curie and... uh... you know, uh... um... Velma from Scooby-Doo!
Lisa: Thank you all for coming out to support a woman's place in history!
Lenny: That's what this is?
Carl: I thought it was a Green Bay Packers rally. All right, you know what, this ain't coming off.
Lisa: Behold, the masterpiece of Amelia Vanderbuckle.(Milhouse opens the blue blanket for Amelia Vanderbuckle's Loom)
Barney: A loom?!
Gary Chalmers: That isn't Science. That's home economics. Everyone, storm the stage! All people are crowd clamoring
Lisa: Not so fast! This is no ordinary loom!
Barney: Even an extraordinary loom is the most boring thing I could think of.
Lisa: This is much, much more than just a loom. (Lisa inserts loom and she clacking roll)
Carl: It's alive! And polite!
Lisa: "Operand"? Looks like it wants us to give it a math problem. (Lisa inserting 4 Looms before she rolling and appeared 945)
Jonathan Frink: Oh, my God. Oh, God! It's the first computational device! People, people, don't you see? The board acts like punch cards and the loom like a computer, with the Charles Babbage and the John Von Neumann... Let's have the square root of nine cheers for Lisa! (Appearing "The square Root of 9 is 3)0" before All People cheers to Lisa)
ALL: Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
Marge: You see that, Bart? You see what your sister did?
Bart: Yeah, yeah, great. Listen, I'm in a simulator, so I can't really talk. And you know I'm a sociopath, so I'm just going through the motions here. I love you. I was just saying that to myself. The Phone has ended call video but it says "Connection lost"

(Bart destroys all targets on the "simulator")
Intense Girl: You are impressive! Even though I'm the only real person in the world and, therefore, I created you in my imagination.
Army General: Children, your empty souls and flying fingers are very impressive, and I can tell you now that was no simulation!
Bart: (worried) You mean we were blowing up real stuff!?
Army General: That's right! Convoys, terrorist training camps, suspicious weddings, Kabul Starbucks...
Girl: Cool!
Psychopath Kid Awesome.
Boy: I knew it!
Bart: (sad) No, I thought it was a video game! I don't want to hurt real people!! Oh... I want to go home! Please?
Nurse: How disappointing. (to the other kids) Does anyone else share the human boy's feelings? (all the kids sign negatively)
Army General: Son, the truth is the simulators we told you weren't simulators... were simulators. (the kids gasp)
Nurse: Now, I'm sorry, Bart, but you are a healthy, normal boy. We're sending you home.
Bart: (happy) Really? Oh... wow! (to the other kids) Dudes, it's been real! Although, actually, it was all a fake.
Slightly Creepy Boy: I'll never forget you, Bart Simpson. 742 Evergreen Terrace, Dog door in the back that has no lock.

Lisa: (in front of Amelia's invention on the museum) Okay Lisa, go ahead and say it. Don't be ashamed. (yells) I'm immortal!! (echo) Hey, Madam Docent, want to come see?
Madam Docent: (off screen) Oh, I'd love to, but there's a huge crowd here at the Science of Thor exhibit. (Lisa spots a tourst tour)
Lisa: Hey, tour! Want to see a great invention and its plaque?
Tour Guide: We're just passing through to the cafe. Double-time tour! (everyone runs, except for a french tourist)
Lisa: How about you, sir?
French Tourist: Je ne parle pas l'Anglais. (I don't speak english)
Lisa: Pas de problème. Je parle français! (No problem. I speak french)
French Tourist: Uh, leave me alone, little girl! (walks away)

Homer: Okay, pal, if you are indeed a personal computer...(homer inserts the loom to view Internet pornography) Oh, baby. Spin that yarn. Now, that is a loom with a view.
Marge: Homie! Come help me carry the groceries!
Homer: (shouts) Yeah! (Homer gets Clearing the History) Clear history, Clear history. (Marge has coming on the Kitchen) Just working on your anniversary present. (A Paper has tooked down on field) I know this looks like nothing, but it's actually bad.


Season 26 Season 27 Quotes Season 28
Every Man's DreamCue DetectivePufflessHalloween of HorrorTreehouse of Horror XXVIFriend with BenefitLisa with an "S"Paths of GloryBarthoodThe Girl CodeTeenage Mutant Milk-caused HurdlesMuch Apu About SomethingLove Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4Gal of Constant SorrowLisa the VeterinarianThe Marge-ian ChroniclesThe Burns CageLisa Got Her Marge BackFland CanyonTo Courier with LoveSimprovisedOrange is the New Yellow

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