Gary Chalmers: (clears throats) Yes, uh, The students of Springfield Elementary have each created an alternative energy vehicle. One of which will ensure the future of humanity as determined by a short race across the parking lot. Yeah, yeah.
Gary Chalmers: And now, uh, what is your car powered by, uh, fat little boy?
Lisa: Dad I'm so excited! I'm think-- Hey, please don't stand so close. In the world of solar power, shadows are the arch-enemy. I think I might win.
Homer: I Believe in you and that's a given. But I don't know. That kid's car has flames painted on the side of it. Why would he do it if it wasn't fast?
Bart: Ay, carumba!
Lisa: Bart, if we find those inventions, we can prove that Amelia was scientifically significant!!
Lisa: Listen to me. (grabs him by his t-shirt) I need to prove this woman was not a lunatic so people will not giggle when they hear the words "woman scientist".
Grandpa: (giggles) "Woman scientist"! What's next? boy cigarette girl!? (laughs)
Lisa: Let me ask again. Will you help me break into an abandoned insane asylum?
Bart: (reading Nathan Little's diary) "Dear Diary, today I watched a neighbor's house burn down. This will teach their dog to laugh at me." Whoa, Look at me!! I'm enjoying reading!!
Bart: (To Nelson, Milhouse, Lewis and Ralph) Guys, did you ever read something and think it was written just for you? Behold the diary of Nathan Little! (rips off some pages and gives them to the other children)
Milhouse: (reading) "I pushed a vagabond under a trolley."
Ralph: What's a trolley?
Bart: Old-timey subway.
Ralph: What's a vagabond?
Bart: Homeless guy.
Ralph: (whimpers) What's a homeless guy?
Chief Wiggum: And shuffle off. Shuffle off. Shuffle off.
(Homer and Marge take Bart to an asylum)
Bart Wait a minute! (two guards hold him) What is this? Is it an asylum?
Guard: No, it's a pizza parlor.
Bart: Please tell me, Dad, is it really a pizza parlor?
Homer: No, son. the pizza parlor is where your mom and I are going afterwards. Now, you're gonna be fine. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the least messed-up kid in the whole joint! We love you! (they take Bart inside and close the doors)
Marge: Wait, wait, wait! I didn't even get to say good-bye. (The doors re-open)
Bart: Good-bye! I'll never forgive you!!
Homer: There. You happy?
(Bart is in one of the asylum cells with other kids)
Bart: Let me out! I was just playing a joke! A cruel joke on the people that love me, that I don't regret! That doesn't make me a sociopath! (a woman enters the room)
Nurse: Children, form a line in order of medication from Adderall to Zoloft. (the children form a line) You have been brought here for a purpose. You are fearless, and no one can stop you, which means you'll be of great use... (an army general enters the room)
Army General: ...To the U.S. Military! (the kids stare blankly at him) I expected more of a reaction. I-I waited outside the door and everything.
Nurse: They don't react. That's what we want!
Army General: Right... We'll be using you in the ultimate video game: to test these U.S. Air Force drone simulators! (the walls come down revealing the simulators and the kids continue to stare blankly at him) Man, that is a tough crowd!
(Homer and Marge are sad, eating pizza after taking Bart to the asylum. Lisa enters the kitchen)
Lisa: Mom! Dad! I've discovered the most amazing thing, I can't wait... hum... Where's Bart?
Marge: He's safe.
Homer: And more importantly: We're safe.
Marge: (sobs) I miss him so much! (combs Santa's Little Helper's fur like bart's hair)
Lisa: Hmm... Can I call him?
Homer: You can call his guard, Tico. He picks up sometimes.
Lisa: I see... Okay.., I'll do that. (leaves)
Marge: Homie, where did we go wrong?
Homer: I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. We did everything we could for him during the commercials.
Kent Brockman: And we're live as Lisa Simpson prepares to prove that Springfield embarrassment Amelia Vanderbuckle deserves to be in the female scientific pantheon, along with Marie Curie and... uh... you know, uh... um... Velma from Scooby-Doo!
Lisa: Thank you all for coming out to support a woman's place in history!
Lisa: "Operand"? Looks like it wants us to give it a math problem. (Lisa inserting 4 Looms before she rolling and appeared 945)
Jonathan Frink: Oh, my God. Oh, God! It's the first computational device! People, people, don't you see? The board acts like punch cards and the loom like a computer, with the Charles Babbage and the John Von Neumann... Let's have the square root of nine cheers for Lisa! (Appearing "The square Root of 9 is 3)0" before All People cheers to Lisa)
ALL: Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
Marge: You see that, Bart? You see what your sister did?
Bart: Yeah, yeah, great. Listen, I'm in a simulator, so I can't really talk. And you know I'm a sociopath, so I'm just going through the motions here. I love you. I was just saying that to myself. The Phone has ended call video but it says "Connection lost"
(Bart destroys all targets on the "simulator")
Intense Girl: You are impressive! Even though I'm the only real person in the world and, therefore, I created you in my imagination.
Army General: Children, your empty souls and flying fingers are very impressive, and I can tell you now that was no simulation!
Bart: (worried) You mean we were blowing up real stuff!?
Army General: That's right! Convoys, terrorist training camps, suspicious weddings, Kabul Starbucks...
Homer: (shouts) Yeah! (Homer gets Clearing the History) Clear history, Clear history. (Marge has coming on the Kitchen) Just working on your anniversary present. (A Paper has tooked down on field) I know this looks like nothing, but it's actually bad.