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- Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
- Grampa: It's night?
- Homer: That's it, pull over!
- Bart: Dad was Colonel Homer and he wore that awesome suit and Lurleen wanted to bunk his brains out! But I forget how Mom felt about it.
- (Marge grinds her teeth angrily)
- Royce Lumpkin: Lurleen? My goodness! You're the spitting image of your mother's hotter sister!
- Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
- Bart: What lap? All I see is a gut with knees.
- Homer: Why, you little....!
- (Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)
- Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?
- Royce Lumpkin: That's right.
- Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?
- Royce Lumpkin: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?
- Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!
- Royce Lumpkin: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)
- Marge: She needs to see you right away!
- Royce Lumpkin: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass.
- (while hugging Lurleen after saying goodbye)
- Marge: (to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.
- Radio DJ: Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!
- Marge: (about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?