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ā—„ Bart Gets Hit by a Car
One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
The Way We Was ā–ŗ
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why, you little...
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. If you have any more questions, feel free to look at this brochure.
Dr. Hibbert hands Homer a brochure and departs office. The brochure shows the gates of Heaven opening.
Homer: (reads title) So You are Going to Die... (he looks at Marge)

[Homer makes a videotape.]
Homer: This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...
[The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]
Homer: D'oh!
[No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]
Homer: Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!

[Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]
Homer: [talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge. It's our last day on earth together. I can't drag her into this mess. Oh, I know, I'll call Barney!
[Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]
Homer: Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes! [Leaving message] Thanks a lot, Barney! I just wasted my one phone call on your stupid ans--
Barney: [in his apartment] [picks up phone] Hello! I'm home, I'm home! Oh, hi, Homer.
Homer: You gotta help me, Barney. I'm in jail.
Barney: You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window. [waves across the street to Homer] Hiya, neighbor! I can see you!
Homer: D'oh! Ju-Just get over here and make fifty dollars for bail!
Barney: FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?

Homer: I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast. Just give me a ticket.
Eddie: I beg your pardon?
Homer: Just give me a ticket!
Lou: Oh. Well, that sounded like an order.
Homer: I paid my taxes and they pay your salary! So when I say "give me a ticket," just give me a ticket!
Eddie: Uh-huh. Maybe we don't wanna give you a ticket.
Lou: Maybe we wanna haul butt in, wise guy.
[Suddenly, they pushed Homer in prison.]
Eddie: Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?
[Cell door shuts as Eddie and Lou laugh.]

[Barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girl-watching.]
Homer: Hey, my boss!
Mr. Burns: [looking through binoculars] Smithers, Check out the luscious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her red stiletto shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles.
Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
Homer: [shouting] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
[Barney drives away at high speed]
Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?!
Smithers: Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmoes from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

Marge awakens and is shocked to see Homer is not next to her.
Marge: Homer? Homer!
Marge puts on bathrobe and goes downstairs. She sees a motionless Homer slumped in the armchair and thinks Homer has died.
Marge: Oh, Homer.
Marge sits in front of Homer, and touches his drool.
Marge: His drool--it's warm.
Marge gasps and starts to shake Homer awake.
Marge: He's alive!
Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive.
Homer: Marge, stop it. Cut it out.
Marge: Wake up, you're alive! You're alive! You're alive!
Homer: What are you talking about?
Marge: You're alive!
Homer: I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest.
As credits crawl, Homer is shown sitting on the couch watching bowling tournaments while eating a bag of Pork Rinds Lite.


ā—„ Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3 ā–ŗ
Bart Gets an "F" ā€¢ Simpson and Delilah ā€¢ Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") ā€¢ Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish ā€¢ Dancin' Homer ā€¢ Dead Putting Society ā€¢ Bart vs. Thanksgiving ā€¢ Bart the Daredevil ā€¢ Itchy & Scratchy & Marge ā€¢ Bart Gets Hit by a Car ā€¢ One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish ā€¢ The Way We Was ā€¢ Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment ā€¢ Principal Charming ā€¢ Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? ā€¢ Bart's Dog Gets an F ā€¢ Old Money ā€¢ Brush with Greatness ā€¢ Lisa's Substitute ā€¢ The War of the Simpsons ā€¢ Three Men and a Comic Book ā€¢ Blood Feud
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