|Much Apu About Something||
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- (after seeing the new statue's commercial)
- Bart and Lisa: (to Homer) Can we see the statue? Please dad, Can we? Can we? Can we?
- Homer: It's not gonna be as good as you think.
- Lisa: Nothing never is!
- Bart: But it gets us out of the house!
- Bart, Lisa and Homer: Can we? Can we? Can we?
- Homer: Oh wait, I'm me! Sure!
- (after their accident, Apu and Sanjay are at the hospital, being visited by Home and Marge)
- Marge: Apu, it's good to see you doing so well. I know you can't turn your head, but you've got a great view!
- Apu: Oh...
- Marge: Are you okay?
- Homer: Marge, he's got nine lives!
- Apu: I am a Hindu, sir. Not a cat. I have infinite lives! during some of which I may be a cat. In those I... do have nine.
- Chief Wiggum: Gays in wonder!
- Gays: WE RULE
- (Homer and Marge are leaving for a diner with Apu)
- Homer: (to Grampa) Dad, we're taking Apu out to cheer him up. This time, please watch the kids.
- Grampa: How about you pay me like a real sitter?
- Homer: (laughs) Another one of your nonsensical rambling stories.
- Grampa: (angry) I'd like to get paid!!
- Homer: (mocking him) In corn cob pipes, right? Because in 1967, you and...
- Grampa: Just get going!
- Bart: Dad, check out this "A" I got in citizenship!
- Homer: Sorry boy, late for dinner. (leaves)
- Lisa: I know exactly how you feel, Bart. This family isn't the greatest at recognizing achievement.
- Bart: Wow, now I understand why you're so mad all the time. I really do!
- Lisa: (giggles) Aw, thank you Bart.
- Bart: Hey, you wanna go move our mouths without speaking to drive Grampa nuts?
- Lisa: I'd like that. (they both go to the living room and pretend to talk with each other)
- Grampa: What the!? Speak up!! Oh... I guess I'll just have to turn my hearing aid up to the max! (turns up the volume on his hearing aid. Bart and Lisa start screaming, scaring Grampa)
- Homer: Oh, I never should have bought that Clockwork Orange video for his fifth birthday! I thought it would help him tell time, and now I've awoken a monster!!
- Lisa: (from her room) You awoke me too!
- Homer: I thought you were sleeping over at Rachel's.
- Lisa: Rachel was my imaginary friend when I was three. Then when she was five, she moved to White Plains, New York.
- Homer: Wha!? I never said good-bye!
- Lisa: Well, they wanted to leave quickly! Her dad had been caught in an affair. Her brother took a semester off college (whispering) and he never went back.
- Homer: And her mother?
- Lisa: Her mother is the really sad story.
- Homer: (sad) Oh, I... I've heard enough!!
- (Bart and Milhouse are behind the Quick & Fresh, planning their prank)
- Bart: My return to prankdom is elegant in its simplicity. All we do is cut the power in the store for thirty seconds! And no preservatives in the food, so everything will immediately go bad!
- Milhouse: Oh, it's an honor to be the guy you explain it to. (Bart prepares to pull the light switch, but Lisa arrives on her bike)
- Lisa: Bart, wait!! I like the new you! (puffs from exhaustion) Listen. Before you flip those circuit breakers, look deep in your sister's eyes and tell me what you see!
- Bart: I see... love.
- Lisa: Unconditional love!
- Bart: Which means I can do whatever I want! (pulls the light switch off)
- Lisa: D'oh!
- (The Quick & Fresh was burnt down. Apu and Jay are sitting in front of it's debris)
- Apu: I am sorry, nephew. I was jealous, and karma has exacted a terrible price!
- Jay: Word. And I was kind of a douche wheel.
- Apu: You know, even your way of apologizing offends me!
- Apu: What is this? Apu looks The Big Bang Theory lottery scratcher.
- Apu: My Ruin and my redemption. Apu Gives $2 to Jay.
- Apu: My Last Two Dollars.
- Apu: I have nothing to Scratch it with.
- Liberty-Head Bronze Coin: Use me, Apu. Make my life worth something. Apu Picks up Liberty Head Bronze Coin.
- Jay: No, Uncle A, it's a clown move, bruh.
- Apu: Or maybe, just maybe, a genius clown move! ah! Apu Scratches The Big Bang Theory lottery.
- Apu: Sheldon, Sheldon... Scratches Slow after Three Sheldon.
- Apu: Three Sheldons! It is a winner, and it is so much money, which means so many more tickets.
- Apu: Precious, precious ticket. I... No, no, it's money.
- Mayor Quimby: Let it never be said I cannot admit a mistake, especially in the middle of a recall campaign. We will now destroy the new Jebediah Springfield statue. Chief, you may fire when ready! (Chief Wiggum shots the S.W.A.T. tank's cannon, but the bullet ricochets off the statue and destroys the tank itself) Damn it!