- Lisa: (when Homer is in a rage in the recording bear section of Stuff-n-Hug) Mom, code 4!
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: How much love do you want?
- Ralph Wiggum: I want all the love!
- (stuffing machine explodes; stuffing covers up Squeaky-Voiced Teen. Squeaky-Voiced Teen moans)
- Marge: (sees Homer lying in bed) C'mon Homie. Your mother would've wanted you to stay in bed forever.
- Homer: I'll tell you what she didn't want. Me to be a jerk to her, and then she dies! (starts crying)
- Marge: (to Bart) Say something comforting.
- Bart: (trying to think of something comforting to say) Uh...Dad? Whenever, I would hang out with Grandma, she would always ask me about you. And I say you'd suck. And she would say that you don't suck that bad.
- Homer: She said I didn't suck?
- Bart: That bad.
- Homer: That bad...wow.
- Bart: (quietly) "Yeah.
- Homer: Why you little...! (strangles Bart)
- Bart: Maggie's thing? She won't even remember it.
- Marge: You never remember the nice things we do for you.
- Bart: Like what?
- Marge: Food.
- Bart: Pass!
- Marge: Shelter.
- Bart: That dump?
- Marge: Clothing.
- Bart: I wouldn't blow my nose on this! (takes off sweater and throws it in the trash)
- Lisa: I want a poodle!
- Marge: I'd stay away from poodles. They give the dog... ideas.
- Lisa: I hear something in the kitchen.
- Homer: That's where the food sleeps!
- Homer: My mother's dead!
- Grampa: I'm still with you, son.
- Homer: Oh, it just gets worse and worse!
- Apu: She may have been reincarnated into that baby, or that mouse on the nacho cheese.
- Ned Flanders: People are not mice!
- Apu: Oh, big surprise. Joe Jesus Jr. here to set us all straight.
- Ned Flanders: No one comes back as anything, except for Jesus as bread, and that's it.
- Homer: Oh. (leaves dejected)
- Apu: That's the problem with your religion. Everything's a bummer.
- Ned Flanders: Even the sing-alongs?
- Apu: No, the sing-alongs are fine.
- Mona: Homer, if you're watching this, either I'm dead, or you've gone through my stuff. If I'm dead, this is my video will; if not, please keep away from my stuff.
- Mona: To Lisa, I give something not even the government can take from you: my rebellious spirit.
- Lisa: Oh, grandma. I accept your gift.
- Bart: Lisa got nothing! Lisa got nothing!
- Mr. Burns: Well, well. Who do we have here?
- Man: That's what clogged up the launch.
- Mr. Burns: Well, hello. Maybe in a different time, you and I could have gone out.
- Man: Sir, you know that's just a bag of ashes.
- Mr. Burns: I've seen your wife. She's no Mamie Van Doren.
- Moe: I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.
- Marge: (next to an air vent) My purse is made of hemp! If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
- Lisa: (grabs a pair of earrings) We can ignite it with these crystal earrings grandma gave me!
- Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
- Lisa: I found them on her nightstand. (Marge stares at her) What? Bart got a Swiss army knife!