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- Marge: (gasps) Maggie's right in the middle of that Italian-American-Mexican Standoff!!
- Marge: You guys are the world's worst cops!
- Chief Wiggum: No, now that I'm off duty, I'm the world's worst soccer coach.
- Bart: (to Homer) You could be my father figure.
- Homer: No way! I'm not getting my fingerprints on that train wreck! If I lose :Maggie, I'm 0 for 3. I gotta get her back!
- Bart: I can help you!
- Homer: Pipe down, Amtrak!
- Moe: (to Apu's son who is playing close to Maggie) Hey, hey, hey, Osh Kosh B'Gosh! She don't want what you're shoveling!
- Apu: Mr. Moe, my son was only playing next to this girl who is not your daughter.
- Moe: (to Apu) Yeah, sure he was Mr. Nahasa-pasa-I'm-raisin'-a-pervert.
- Moe: Marge, do mobsters ever congregate outside your house?
- Marge: All the time. Sometimes I bring them lemonade.
- Chief Wiggum: Scum, freezebags!