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- Marge: Is there anything more fun than a nice Sunday drive?
- Bart: Oh yeah, it's great. Why don't we top it off by reading to old people?
- Lisa: Well, I think, in these days of petro-terrorists and ozone depletion, a Sunday drive reeks of bio-hubris.
- (Homer sprays spiders on his face with spider poison)
- Homer: What?! Spider poison is people poison?!
- Insurance Rep: Mr. Simpson before we can insure you we need to ask you some questions. Have you ever had a heart attack?
- Homer: Haven't we all.
- Insurance Rep: Strokes?
- Homer: None…no wait, three. (chuckles) Since the last one I don't remember so good.
- Insurance Rep: Are you a smoker?
- Homer: Yes I am.
- Marge: You don't smoke!!
- Homer: Shhh!! (whispering) I want her to think I'm cool.
- Homer: You can't enjoy money when you're dead so why not have fun now!!
- Marge: Don't you think you've had enough fun? Last year you spent $5,000 on donuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter.
- Homer: Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump.
- Marge: Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch.
- Homer: (gasping) Who told you that?!
- Marge: You shouted it while we were making love!! Now look here, mister, I pay the bills, I do the budget and I'm in charge of the money. Hmmm!
- Homer: (mocking) Ooh! I'm Marge Simpson. Don't eat off the floor. Ooh!
- (Bart and Lisa walk out into the back lawn)
- Marge: And I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was 20 years ago!
- Homer: That was my Woodstock!