From The Simpsons Library of Wisdom's The Homer Book.


Mindy Simmons (Homer's co-worker and inopportune soul mate)

Crack government inspectors force Mr. Burns to hire at least one woman. He hires Mindy Simmons, who is like Homer in every way - except svelter and with more estrogen. At the National Energy Convention in Capital City ("The Windy Apple") they are crowned the King and Queen of Energy, fall for each other, and nearly fall into bed.

Quote: "I've got a really wicked idea that could get us into a lot of trouble...Let's call room service!"

Her ride: A motorcycle.

Education: A degree in engineering or something.

Likes: Cheeseburgers, a quick nap before lunch, foot-long chili dogs, whipped cream straight from the can, raspberry swirl donuts with a double glaze, and broasted anything.

Dislikes: Exercise.

Idea of heaven: Drinking beer and watching TV.

Claim to fame: Her mastery of the art of circular breathing lets her eat an entire 20-piece bucket of chicken without stopping to take a breath.

Secret shame: She has no shame.

Drawbacks of female co-workers: Can't spit on the floor, take off your pants when it's hot, or pee in the drinking fountain.

[Caption of Homer at the bottom of the page saying "Because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on."]