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Million-Dollar Abie/Quotes

< Million-Dollar Abie

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Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
Million-Dollar Abie
Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore
Abe: I thought he was trying to steal my jewels and all them pictures of Bert and Lucy!

Dr. Egoyan: As you surrender your body, what musical and visual orientations would you like to experience?
Abe: I want to hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra and see cops beating up hippies!

NFL Commissioner: (looking at street signs) The names on this map say Main Street and Evergreen Terrace, but all I can see are Two Point Conversion Avenue and Off-Season Knee Surgery Boulevard.

Homer: You're a useless old man. Name one thing you do for this family!
Abe: I watch the baby.
Marge: Where is the baby?
Abe: You left me with a baby?!

Maggie: (in baby talk with subtitles) Bald mommy is sure to fail!

Abe: If I knock him out, I'll be a hero. And people will listen to my loose-brained nonsense.

Lyrics to "Springfield Blows":
L.A. makes great movies
And awesome TV shows
Springfield don't make nothin
Cause Springfield blows
Springfield blows (3 times)
Yes, Springfield blows

Lisa: No wait, wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport!
Homer: Lisa's right! It is a cool, super sport!

Homer: I've come up with our team — the Springfield Meltdowns! And here is our stadium, sponsored by corporate naming. It's the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park! So, Homer do good?
Marge: Homer do great! (they kiss) Uh, maybe Homer brush teeth first.

Young Abe: (at an HUAC meeting) I would like to name the following friends of mine as members of the Communist party.
Speaker: You're just here to test the microphone.
Young Abe: Fred Wilson, my brother Bill, Dom DiMaggio, the paper boy, Howdy Doody, Josef Stalin... (gets removed by security guards)

Sideshow Mel: "Touchdown Avenue"? Delightful!
Jimbo: Who ya talkin' to? Your imaginary girlfriend?
Sideshow Mel: Oh! Isn't your mother a well-known whore?
Jimbo: (gasp) You win this round, Mel.

Dr. Egoyan: (waiting for Grandpa to die) One more minute.
(Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou burst in)
Wiggum: Freeze! The voters just overturned the assisted suicide law!
Dr. Egoyan: (getting handcuffed) I'll kill you all!...when the law is reversed.
Wiggum: I'd like to see you try!...when the law is reversed.

Souvenir Jacket Guy: We should make the stadium a bull fighting ring. If the bull dies, the crowd goes wild. If Grandpa dies, the crowd goes wild. Either way, we make a fortune.

Lenny: (after Grandpa opens the outer gate) I don't know what he's doing and I'm smart. Not book smart or street smart or brain smart, but something.


Season 16 Season 17 Quotes Season 18
The Bonfire of the ManateesThe Girl Who Slept Too LittleMilhouse of Sand and FogTreehouse of Horror XVIMarge's Son PoisoningSee Homer RunThe Last of the Red Hat MamasThe Italian BobSimpson Christmas StoriesHomer's Paternity CootWe're on the Road to D'oh-whereMy Fair LaddyThe Seemingly Never-Ending StoryBart Has Two MommiesHomer Simpson, This Is Your WifeMillion-Dollar AbieKiss Kiss Bang BangaloreThe Wettest Stories Ever ToldGirls Just Want to Have SumsRegarding MargieThe Monkey SuitMarge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

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