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Nurse: Let me explain from behind this cage. Now, your pills have become very expensive, and no one could give a rat's ass about you. So after a lot of thought, we decided to let you go cold turkey. For those of you who survive the night, we'll be having waffles.
: Ooh waffles!
Jasper Beardly : I didn't die in World War Two just to be pushed around by some pill-hoarding hussy! I'm gonna fight this thing!
Grampa Simpson (Grampa storms out the room)
: Agh, he's crazy, but what are you gonna do? He's young.
Old Jewish Man
: Homer! Tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me!
Apu : I was just telling him how brave he is to worship a false god.
Ned Apu: I do not worship one god, ok? I worship a whole superteam of deities that- (gets pinched by Ned) Ow, ow! OK, he just pinched me!
Ned: Well, where's your superteam now?
Homer: Listen, you two! I'll tell you who the true god is if you're both quiet for the rest of the trip!
Ned: But the Bible says-
Apu: But the infinite-
Homer: (unbuckling his seat belt and turning towards the back) All right, I'm comin' back there!
Apu: Save me, Shiva!
Ned: Why don't you just call out for Hawkman?
Apu: Why don't you shut up!
Canadian version of Ned: Say, would you like a puff on a reefer-ino? It's legal here!
Ned: They warned me Satan would be attractive.
Grampa: Homer, are you sure you can fly this thing?
Homer: We'll make it, Dad, on a wing and a prayer.
(One of the wings snaps off)