- Homer: Well son, I guess it's time to go home.
- Bart: Any thoughts on how we're going to get there?
- Homer: No, but I'm sure the good Lord will provide.
- (nearby an engineer argues with a man in a military uniform)
- Engineer: Are you crazy? I'm not driving a trainload of napalm to Springfield. (throws his cap on the ground and walks off)
- Homer: Thank you.
- Homer: Look, son. It's one of Nature's most beautiful sights… the convoy.
- (one of the Trucks hits Homer's trailer)
- Bart: He hit us!
- Homer: Oh, I should have known. They're hazing us, to initiate us into the truckers' fraternity. (the truck is hit again) Thank you sir, may I have another?
- Bart: Dad, they're trying to kill us.
- Homer: Oh, why do all my trips end like this?
- Trucker: All right, pal, here's the deal. You stumbled on a secret that only truck drivers are supposed to know… (Homer giggles) … Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel.
- Trucker 2: We get forty bucks an hour to drive these rigs. You think anybody'd hire us if they knew we weren't driving the trucks?
- Homer: Wow, you guys are even lazier than me. Well, don't worry, I'll keep your secret.
- Homer: Uh, yeah. I need something that will keep me awake, alert, and reckless all night long.
- Clerk: Well, Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. (shows him a bottle of pills)
- Homer: Sold!
- (Swallows the pills straight away)
- Clerk: Hey, you can't take that many pep pills at once.
- Homer: No problem, I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.
- Bart: Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
- Homer: Don't you have school?
- Bart: Don't you have work?
- Homer: Ah, touché!
- Marge: Your father traded all our tools for M&M's again.
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