Homer: We've been through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together!
Homer: So why didn't you marry one of your crummy backup dancers? Tabitha Vixx: They're day laborers. We pick them up in the Home Depot parking lot.
"Jock Squawk" host: And that's why Lou Gehrig was a selfish crybaby who deserved to die! Springfield, what do you think?
Isotopes announcer: Led Zeppelin is a whole lotta love!
Homer: And you said it would never work. Duffman: Duffman said he would do whatever you wanted! Please stop kicking and punching Duffman!
Duffman: Duffman gives the people what they want! Marge: Weren't you just tied up in the blimp? Duffman: Three Duffmen are working this game tonight! Second Duffman (entering): Don't tell the children, it's disillusioning! Both Duffmen: Duffman! Duffman! Duffman! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Lisa: Mom and Dad can't do marriage counseling. If you listen closely, you can here them arguing now. (they then listen closely) Homer (in distance): And I say, a monkey can mow our lawn!
Baseball Announcer: That ball is going, going, going...and like America's credibility on the world stage, that ball is gone!
Lenny: Remember when we used to kiss like that Carl?...with our respective girlfriends? Carl: I wonder where Jill and Kelly are now. Lenny: I heard Jill died and Kelly I think is a prostitute.
Bart (seeing Tabitha dancing around a lamp):(on his cellphone) Cancel all my appointments.
Marge:(To Homer) The only person you should be giving chicken grease neck rubs to is me! but not me because I think they're disgusting! Homer: Oh, so now we're judging each other based on things we've done?! Real nice, Marge!! Class act!!