| Luann Van Houten|
|Relatives|| Son: Milhouse|
|First Appearance||Homer Defined|
|Voiced By||Maggie Roswell|
Luann Van Houten is the ex-wife of Kirk Van Houten and the mother of Milhouse Van Houten. She has been married to Kirk, divorced due to an argument at one of Homer and Marge's disastrous dinner parties.
Luann is apparently of Italian and Greek descent. Her mother, Sophie, is Italian, although Luann never speaks Italian or is seen with her mother (who remains in Italy with Luann's half-brother, Bastardo). Luann also somehow managed to be born, as revealed in the episode "Lemon of Troy", in Shelbyville, indicating that perhaps her father brought her to the U.S., if one over-analyzes things. Her birth date is December 1. She lacks the stereotypical exaggerated mannerisms associated with most other Italian Americans in Springfield, such as Fat Tony, or the chef Luigi Risotto. When younger, she went to "Camp Land-A-Man" (which basically served as a finishing school) with Marge, Patty and Selma, the future Helen Lovejoy (maiden name unknown), and future realtor Cookie Kwan, who is trying hard but fruitlessly to lose her incredibly thick stereotypical Asian accent.
Luann was married to Kirk Van Houten and gave birth to Milhouse. Their marriage came to an unhappy end, after an argument over a game of Pictionary, she leaves Kirk after he angrily remarks after previously drawing it and she drew a far better version of dignity that it is no wonder that he can't draw "dignity", since he gave it up when he married her. Although Kirk found single life tough, Luann uses her new found freedom and heretofore stifled promiscuity to live life in the fast lane. Luann began dating American Gladiator Pyro shortly after her divorce, but was caught cheating on Pyro with his (former) best friend, Gyro. It is implied that Luann had a one-night stand with Otto in the episode Moe Letter Blues after Otto tells Kirk "even I hooked up with your old lady" before apologizing to Milhouse, who says that Otto is his "favorite uncle". Even while married to Kirk she attended a key party in which she slept with Dr. Hibbert.
In Apu's bachelor years, she had been one of his bachelorettes. It is once revealed Luann had also gone out with Disco Stu, disco dancing. She also admitted having begun a relationship with Captain McCallister. Quite recently she often splits Kirk.
When the Van Houtens are on the verge of reuniting, Bart and Milhouse hatch a scheme to get them to separate again (because Milhouse enjoyed both of them fighting over him). The scheme backfires, and nearly results in the separation of Homer and Marge. Bart and Milhouse try another scheme by attempting to push a mannequin version of Bart over a waterfall. Since then, they are often seen together. After some years, they decide to marry again. Their honeymoon goes wrong since they fall from their ship and are lost in an island. When they are rescued, they go back to Springfield, fully reconciled.
Luann, Kirk and Milhouse all look so similar that Bart once asked Luann and Kirk if they are siblings.
Luann has bob-cut blue hair and red round glasses. She wears many different outfits. She sometimes wears white pearl earrings.
- She was apparently born without eyebrows.
- Apparently, she may not have been a good cook, as Kirk Van Houten, during the dinner party with the Simpson family, implied twice that he hadn't had a decent breakfast since he was in the army, and thought he would get a decent breakfast from high school hooligans egging their bonneville if they threw him some bacon.
- She apparently frequently told bedtime stories to Milhouse filled with negative vibes about his father, such as how "rotten" it was to be married by a "loser" or the fact that he carries a change purse.
- In the episode Dumbbell Indemnity she is shown dancing with Pyro, but has brown hair instead of her usual blue hair.
- Luann used to date the Sea Captain.
- She lives next-door to Elizabeth Hoover.
- She has a real estate license
Behind the LaughterEdit
Luann is voiced by Maggie Roswell, but she temporarily became a non-speaking character when Roswell was forced to leave the show after a pay increase dispute.