|Little Orphan Millie||
- (After Maggie gives Milhouse her baby bottle.)
- Milhouse: Oh, my God! I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a baa-baa. They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!
- Homer: Marge, give me a break! I don't know the colors of peoples' eyes! I just judge them on the color of their skin.
- Kirk Van Houten: Uh, attention, everyone. Uh, Luann and I have some big news.
- Bart: Is it that you're brother and sister? Because you really look a lot alike.
- Kirk Van Houten: No.
- Bart: Half-brother and half-sister?
- Kirk Van Houten: No!
- Bart: Siamese twins who've been surgically separated?
- Luann Van Houten: No! We're getting remarried.
- (Homer is searching for his wedding album.)
- Homer: Where is it? I gotta find out what color Marge's eyes are. Ah! Cha-ching! (he goes to open the album only to find it has a combination lock, and is shut tight.) Ohh! Oh, Marge darling... What's the combination to our wedding album?
- Marge: Our anniversary.
- Homer: (pauses) D'oh!
- (When Milhouse's parents are lost at sea.)
- Homer: Here Milhouse, why don't you cheer up with a glass of Ocean Spray. (catches himself) Oh, boy. Forget that. How about some Cap'n Crunch? (catches himself) Seven Seas Italian Dressing? Oh, no, no, no. Uhh... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Ahh. Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?
- Marge: Stop naming things!
- Homer: I want to, but I can't.
- Marge: Then go to Moe's.
- Homer: Good idea. I'll drown my sorrows in Anchor Steam Beer. (looks at Milhouse) Oh ho ho I'm sorry. (covers his mouth and leaves)
- Bart: Okay, so which of these losers is Milhouse's uncle Norbert? Norbert? Norbert? [notices a very nerdy-looking man] Oh, this guy's a total Norbert.
- Gaylord Q. Tinkledink: Norbert? I wish! My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.
- Bart: Lis, I don't get it. Why does Milhouse's happiness make me so sad?
- Lisa: Bart, Bart, Bart. You're worried you're losing Milhouse, and love...is a selfish thing!
- Bart: Shut up! I don't love Milhouse!
- Lisa: Oh yeah, the more you deny it, the more I know it's true!
- Bart: Oh yeah, well when you're mean I'm a trampoline so everything you said goes back into your ugly head!
- Lisa: (laughs) God, that was lame! Where did you get that?
- Bart: From Milhouse! (sobs) I love him so much! (runs to Lisa and continues to cry)
- Lisa: (comforting) Oh, it's ok.
- Lisa: (panicked) AAAH! Tarantulas! I'll Save You, Baby Burpsalot!
- Baby Burpsalot: (Burps four times, with spiders coming out of its mouth)
- Lisa: AAAAAH!
- Bart and Milhouse: (Laughs)
- Bart: (sitting alone at lunch) Anyone wanna sit over here? You can have my pizza crust. Young man, you look like you enjoy fun and excitement.
- Ralph: Please, Bart, you're embarrassing yourself.
- Bart: (krumping) Check it out! This image has not been sped up.
- Nelson: There's a time for krumping, and this isn't it.