|Little Big Girl||
- Bart: You know, I thought Darcy and I would be like a real married couple; instead, we ended up fighting all the time...
- Homer: Eee, yeah, how about that?
- Homer: Son, one day you're gonna be a great father.
- Bart: Awww, and someday you will be one, too.
- Grampa: Yeah, the Simpsons have never married or even shook hands with anyone interesting. In a world of 31 flavors, we are the water they use to clean the scoop. Grampa out.
- Lisa: [thinking] Oh, no. By speaking with forked tongue, I am in heap big trouble. Oh, no! Now I'm thinking in stereotypes! That's even worse!
- Bart: That's it! I want a license.
- Mayor Quimby: To kill?
- Bart: No, to drive.
- Quimby: Suit yourself.
- Darcy: I really like you, Bart.
- Bart: That is such a girl thing to say.
- Utah Minister: So how many brides will you be marrying today, Mr. Simpson?
- Bart: Just one.
- Utah Minister: What are you, gay?
- Darcy: You really are ten. I just thought you were really stupid.
- Bart: I'm ten AND stupid!
- Lisa: [to Bart while he is driving] Slow down! Watch out for that car. Your hands should be at ten and two, not three and nothing!
- Darcy: I'm very religious that way.
- Bart: How religious can you be if you're pregnant? (Darcy slaps Bart) Good answer.
- Homer: You know, my great-great grandmother was an Indian. I guess I should've mentioned that before, huh?
- Lisa: Yes, you should have!
- Darcy: You look kind of young.
- Bart: Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
- Lenny: The flames are heading straight for the flammable district!
- Carl: That’s where our mom works.
- Homer: (calling Bart) Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between 'ketchup' and 'catsup'? (Bart tosses the cell phone into a gorge) They're gonna cut my head off!
- Homer: I need a ride. I think I'm in Chinatown. (A mouse runs in the street) No, not our Chinatown.
- Homer: Then, take these volleyballs, fill them up, and throw them over the prison wall to create chaos and confusion.
- (Smithers is on fire, while Mr. Burns is washing his car.)
- Smithers: Mr. Burns, help me!
- Mr. Burns: Why? You're not helping me.
- Smithers: But sir, I'm flaming!
- (Mr. Burns looks at the camera with an odd expression while Smithers rolls on the ground)
- Marge: Bart, you're too young to get married. You still ask me to check the closet for the boogeyman.
- Bart: Well, maybe I've found somebody else to do it for me.
- Lisa: Show's over, let's go.
- Homer: What's your hurry?
- Lisa: Well, some of my report, um, wasn't thoroughly fact checked.
- Homer: (laughs) My little girl's just like CBS News.
- Spokesman at National Tribal Conference: Wait, wait. Although she is not one of our people this young lady has shown the courage we Native Americans cherish, and who can blame her for wanting to be one of us? We have a noble heritage and cheekbones to die for.
- (In Homer's car)
- Darcy: Bart, sweetie. I need some strawberries.
- Bart: Mm-hmm. I bet they sell them in Utah.
- Darcy: Bart, I need some strawberries. Right now.
- Bart: We're in the middle of the desert.
- Darcy: I NEED STRAWBERRIES!
- Bart: Take my wife... please! Hey, I finally get that joke! (Darcy slaps him) Ow!
- Darcy's mother: Our daughter says she's run off with your son.
- Homer: Did she mention she was knocked up?
- Darcy's father: No!
- Homer: Whoops! Sorry for the spoiler.