List of chalkboard gags

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
1	December 17, 1989		no gag	Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
2	January 14, 1990		I will not waste chalk	Bart the Genius
3	January 21, 1990		I will not skateboard in the halls	Homer's Odyssey
4	January 28, 1990		I will not burp in class	There's No Disgrace Like Home
5	February 4, 1990		no gag - shortened opening due to time	Bart the General
6	February 11, 1990		I will not instigate revolution	Moaning Lisa
7	February 18, 1990		I will not draw naked ladies in class	The Call of the Simpsons
8	February 25, 1990		I did not see Elvis	The Telltale Head
9	March 18, 1990		no gag - shortened opening due to time	Life on the Fast Lane
10	March 25, 1990		I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"	Homer's Night Out
11	April 15, 1990		Garlic gum is not funny	The Crepes of Wrath
12	April 29, 1990		They are laughing at me, not with me	Krusty Gets Busted
13	May 13, 1990		I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom NOTE:This was originally the first chalkboard gag.	Some Enchanted Evening

Season 2

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
14	October 11, 1990		I will not encourage others to fly.	Bart Gets an "F"
15	October 18, 1990		Tar is not a plaything.	Simpson and Delilah
16	October 25, 1990		no gag	Treehouse of Horror
17	November 1, 1990		I will not Xerox my butt. It's potato, Not potatoe. (Alternate 1992 Rerun Version)	Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
18	November 8, 1990		I will not trade pants with others.	Dancin' Homer
19	November 15, 1990		I am not a 32 year old woman (Which at the time the voice of Bart, Nancy Cartwright was.)	Dead Putting Society
20	November 22, 1990		I will not do that thing with my tongue.	Bart vs. Thanksgiving
21	December 6, 1990		I will not drive the principal's car.	Bart the Daredevil
22	December 20, 1990		I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.	Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
23	January 10, 1991		I will not sell school property.	Bart Gets Hit by a Car
24	January 24, 1991		I will not cut corners. (This is written for only 6 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.)	One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
25	January 31, 1991		I will not get very far with this attitude.	The Way We Was
26	February 7, 1991		I will not make flatulent noises in class.	Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
27	February 14, 1991		I will not belch the national anthem.	Principal Charming
28	February 21, 1991		I will not sell land in Florida.	Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
29	March 7, 1991		I will not sell school property. (Same as Bart Gets Hit by a Car)	Bart's Dog Gets an F
30	March 28, 1991		I will not grease the monkey bars.	Old Money
31	April 11, 1991		I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.	Brush with Greatness
32	April 25, 1991		no gag	Lisa's Substitute
33	May 2, 1991		I will not do anything bad ever again.	The War of the Simpsons
34	May 9, 1991		I will not show off. (Written in Blackletter.)	Three Men and a Comic Book
35	July 11, 1991		I will not sleep through my education.	Blood Feud

Season 3

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
36	September 19, 1991		I am not a dentist	Stark Raving Dad
37	September 26, 1991		Spitwads are not free speech	Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
38	October 3, 1991		Nobody likes sunburn slappers	When Flanders Failed
39	October 10, 1991		High explosives and school don't mix (And during the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner)	Bart the Murderer
40	October 17, 1991		I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.)	Homer Defined
41	October 24, 1991		I will finish what I sta (written only once as the text would be: I will finish what I started)	Like Father, Like Clown
42	October 31, 1991		no gag	Treehouse of Horror II
43	November 7, 1991		"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender	Lisa's Pony
44	November 14, 1991		I will not fake rabies	Saturdays of Thunder
45	November 21, 1991		Underwear should be worn on the inside	Flaming Moe's
46	December 5, 1991		The Christmas Pageant does not stink	Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
47	December 26, 1991		I will not torment the emotionally frail	I Married Marge
48	January 9, 1992		I will not carve gods	Radio Bart
49	January 23, 1992		no gag	Lisa the Greek
50	February 6, 1992		I will not spank others	Homer Alone
51	February 13, 1992		no gag	Bart the Lover
52	February 20, 1992		I will not aim for the head(In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a baseball game.)	Homer at the Bat
53	February 27, 1992		I will not barf unless I'm sick (And during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty)	Separate Vocations
54	March 12, 1992		I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge	Dog of Death
55	March 26, 1992		I will not conduct my own fire drills	Colonel Homer
56	April 9, 1992		Funny noises are not funny	Black Widower
57	April 23, 1992		I will not spin the turtle	The Otto Show
58	May 7, 1992		I will not snap bras	Bart's Friend Falls in Love
59	August 27, 1992		I will not fake seizures	Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Season 4

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
60	September 24, 1992		This punishment is not boring and pointless	Kamp Krusty
61	October 1, 1992		My name is not "Dr. Death"	A Streetcar Named Marge
62	October 8, 1992		I will not defame New Orleans(This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode's song about New Orleans.)	Homer the Heretic
63	October 15, 1992		I will not prescribe medication	Lisa the Beauty Queen
64	October 29, 1992		no gag	Treehouse of Horror III
65	November 3, 1992		I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child.")	Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
66	November 5, 1992		I will not teach others to fly	Marge Gets a Job
67	November 12, 1992		I will not bring sheep to class	New Kid on the Block
68	November 19, 1992		A burp is not an answer	Mr. Plow
69	December 3, 1992		Teacher is not a leper	Lisa's First Word
70	December 17, 1992		Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.)	Homer's Triple Bypass
71	January 14, 1993		I will not eat things for money (Same as the real life chalkboard gag)	Marge vs. the Monorail
72	January 21, 1993		I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call	Selma's Choice
73	February 4, 1993		The principal's toupée is not a frisbee	Brother from the Same Planet
74	February 11, 1993		I will not call the principal "spud head"	I Love Lisa
75	February 18, 1993		Goldfish don't bounce	Duffless
76	March 11, 1993		Mud is not one of the 4 food groups	Last Exit to Springfield
77	April 1, 1993		No one is interested in my underpants	So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
78	April 15, 1993		I will not sell miracle cures	The Front
79	April 29, 1993		I will return the seeing-eye dog	Whacking Day
80	May 6, 1993		I do not have diplomatic immunity	Marge in Chains
81	May 13, 1993		I will not charge admission to the bathroom	Krusty Gets Kancelled

Season 5

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
82	September 30, 1993		I will never win an Emmy (Nine Emmy awards had been won by the show and cast by show's date)	Homer's Barbershop Quartet
83	October 7, 1993		The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy	Cape Feare
84	October 14, 1993		no gag	Homer Goes to College
85	October 21, 1993		no gag	Rosebud
86	October 28, 1993		no gag	Treehouse of Horror IV
87	November 4, 1993		no gag	Marge on the Lam
88	November 11, 1993		no gag	Bart's Inner Child
89	November 18, 1993		no gag	Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
90	December 9, 1993		All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy	The Last Temptation of Homer
91	December 16, 1993		I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause(which actually happens later on in Trash of the Titans)	$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
92	January 6, 1994		I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers	Homer the Vigilante
93	February 3, 1994		My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man	Bart Gets Famous
94	February 10, 1994		I will not go near the kindergarten turtle	Homer and Apu
95	February 17, 1994		no gag	Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
96	February 24, 1994		no gag	Deep Space Homer
97	March 17, 1994		I am not delightfully saucy	Homer Loves Flanders
98	March 31, 1994		Organ transplants are best left to the professionals	Bart Gets an Elephant
99	April 14, 1994		The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan"	Burns' Heir
100	April 28, 1994		I will not celebrate meaningless milestones(100th episode)	Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
101	May 5, 1994		There are plenty of businesses like show business	The Boy Who Knew Too Much
102	May 12, 1994		I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball	Lady Bouvier's Lover
103	May 19, 1994		Five days is not too long to wait for a gun	Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Season 6

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
104	September 4, 1994		Beans are neither a fruit nor musical (This takes us back to "Whacking Day")	Bart of Darkness
105	September 11, 1994		No one is interested in my underpants (same as episode 77)	Lisa's Rival
106	September 25, 1994		I will not use abbrev.	Another Simpsons Clip Show
107	October 2, 1994		I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.	Itchy & Scratchy Land
108	October 9, 1994		no gag	Sideshow Bob Roberts
109	October 30, 1994		no gag	Treehouse of Horror V
110	November 6, 1994		I will not send lard through the mail	Bart's Girlfriend
111	November 13, 1994		I will not dissect things unless instructed	Lisa on Ice
112	November 27, 1994		I will not whittle hall passes out of soap	Homer Badman
113	December 4, 1994		My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man(recycled from 1F11)	Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
114	December 18, 1994		Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough	Fear of Flying
115	January 8, 1995		Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal	Homer the Great
116	January 22, 1995		'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice	And Maggie Makes Three
117	February 5, 1995		Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does	Bart's Comet
118	February 12, 1995		Next time it could be me on the scaffolding	Homie the Clown
119	February 19, 1995		I will not hang donuts on my person	Bart vs. Australia
120	February 26, 1995		I will remember to take my medication	Homer vs. Patty and Selma
121	March 5, 1995		no gag	A Star is Burns
122	March 19, 1995	.=	I will not strut around like I own the place.	Lisa's Wedding
123	April 9, 1995		The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.	Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
124	April 16, 1995		I do not have power of attorney over first graders.	The PTA Disbands
125	April 30, 1995		Nerve gas is not a toy.	'Round Springfield
126	May 7, 1995		I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.	The Springfield Connection
127	May 14, 1995		The First Amendment does not cover burping.	Lemon of Troy
128	May 21, 1995		This is not a clue... or is it? (part 1 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?". Gag is also seen in The Simpsons Road Rage.)	Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

Season 7

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
129	September 17, 1995		I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (part 2 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?")	Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)
130	September 24, 1995		"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism	Radioactive Man
131	October 1, 1995		No one wants to hear from my armpits	Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
132	October 8, 1995		I am not a lean mean spitting machine	Bart Sells His Soul
133	October 15, 1995		The boys' room is not a water park	Lisa the Vegetarian
134	October 29, 1995		no gag	Treehouse of Horror VI
135	November 5, 1995		Indian burns are not our cultural heritage	King-Size Homer
136	November 19, 1995		no gag	Mother Simpson
137	November 26, 1995		Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things	Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138	December 3, 1995		I will only do this once a year ("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular," a clip show)	The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139	December 17, 1995		I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist	Marge Be Not Proud
140	January 7, 1996		I am not certified to remove asbestos	Team Homer
141	January 14, 1996		no gag	Two Bad Neighbors
142	February 4, 1996		no gag	Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143	February 11, 1996		no gag	Bart the Fink
144	February 18, 1996		no gag	Lisa the Iconoclast
145	February 25, 1996		no gag	Homer the Smithers
146	March 17, 1996		no gag	The Day the Violence Died
147	March 24, 1996		no gag	A Fish Called Selma
148	March 31, 1996		no gag	Bart on the Road
149	April 14, 1996		no gag	22 Short Films About Springfield
150	April 28, 1996		no gag	Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
151	May 5, 1996		no gag	Much Apu About Nothing
152	May 19, 1996		no gag	Homerpalooza
153	May 19, 1996		no gag	Summer of 4 Ft. 2

Season 8

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
154	October 27, 1996		no gag	Treehouse of Horror VII
155	November 3, 1996		I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten.	You Only Move Twice
156	November 10, 1996		I am not my long-lost twin.	The Homer They Fall
157	November 17, 1996		no gag	Burns, Baby Burns
158	November 24, 1996		no gag	Bart After Dark
159	December 1, 1996		no gag	A Milhouse Divided
160	December 15, 1996		no gag (But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss." and says "How does Bart do this everyweek.)	Lisa's Date with Density
161	December 29, 1996		no gag	Hurricane Neddy
162	January 5, 1997		no gag	El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163	January 12, 1997		The truth is not out there("The Springfield Files," an X-Files parody episode)	The Springfield Files
164	January 19, 1997		I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie)	The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165	February 2, 1997		no gag	Mountain of Madness
166	February 7, 1997		I will not hide the teacher's Prozac	Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167	February 9, 1997		no gag	The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168	February 16, 1997		no gag	Homer's Phobia
169	February 23, 1997		no gag	Brother from Another Series
170	March 2, 1997		no gag	My Sister, My Sitter
171	March 16, 1997		no gag	Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
172	April 6, 1997		no gag	Grade School Confidential
173	April 13, 1997		A fire drill does not demand a fire	The Canine Mutiny
174	April 20, 1997		no gag	The Old Man and the Lisa
175	April 27, 1997		no gag	In Marge We Trust
176	May 4, 1997		no gag	Homer's Enemy
177	May 11, 1997		no gag	The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178	May 18, 1997		no gag	The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

Season 9

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
179	September 21, 1997		no gag	The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180	September 28, 1997		no gag	The Principal and the Pauper
181	October 19, 1997		I no longer want my MTV(reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song), and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming)	Lisa's Sax
182	October 26, 1997		no gag	Treehouse of Horror VIII
183	November 2, 1997		Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story.	The Cartridge Family
184	November 9, 1997		I did not invent Irish dancing.	Bart Star
185	November 16, 1997		no gag	The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186	November 23, 1997		I will not tease Fatty.	Lisa the Skeptic
187	December 7, 1997		There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"	Realty Bites
188	December 21, 1997		Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related	Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189	January 4, 1998		no gag	All Singing, All Dancing
190	January 11, 1998		no gag	Bart Carny
191	February 8, 1998		Shooting paintballs is not an art form	The Joy of Sect
192	February 15, 1998		no gag	Das Bus
193	February 22, 1998		Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer.)	The Last Temptation of Krust
194	March 1, 1998		Silly string is not a nasal spray.	Dumbbell Indemnity
195	March 8, 1998		no gag	Lisa the Simpson
196	March 22, 1998		I was told not to do this	This Little Wiggy
197	March 29, 1998		My butt does not deserve a website.	Simpson Tide
198	April 5, 1998		I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to "The Voice" cast's recent demands for higher pay.)	The Trouble with Trillions
199	April 19, 1998		no gag	Girly Edition
200	April 26, 1998		I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.)	Trash of the Titans
201	May 3, 1998		no gag	King of the Hill
202	May 10, 1998		I am not the new Dalai Lama.	Lost Our Lisa
203	May 17, 1998		I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".)	Natural Born Kissers

Season 10

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
204	August 23, 1998		no gag	Lard of the Dance
205	September 20, 1998		I will not file frivolous lawsuits	The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206	September 27, 1998		no gag	Bart the Mother
207	October 25, 1998		The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.)	Treehouse of Horror IX
208	November 8, 1998		"butt.com" is not my e-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.)	When You Dish Upon a Star
209	November 15, 1998		No one cares what my definition of "is" is	D'oh-in' in the Wind
210	November 22, 1998		I will not scream for ice cream	Lisa Gets an "A"
211	December 6, 1998		I am not a licensed hairstylist	Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212	December 20, 1998		"The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton).	Mayored to the Mob
213	January 10, 1999		My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld	Viva Ned Flanders
214	January 17, 1999		Sherri does not "got back"	Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215	January 31, 1999		I will not do "the dirty bird." (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.)	Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216	February 7, 1999		No one cares about my sciatica.	Homer to the Max
217	February 14, 1999		Hillbillies are people too.	I'm with Cupid
218	February 21, 1999		Grammar is not a time of waste	Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219	February 28, 1999		I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20)	Make Room for Lisa
220	March 28, 1999		It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song)	Maximum Homerdrive
221	April 4, 1999		I cannot absolve sins (during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible.)	Simpsons Bible Stories
222	April 11, 1999		A trained ape could not teach gym	Mom and Pop Art
223	April 25, 1999		Loose teeth don't need my help.	The Old Man and the "C" Student
224	May 2, 1999		I have neither been there nor done that	Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225	May 9, 1999		No one wants to hear from my armpits (repeated from 3F01)	They Saved Lisa's Brain
226	May 16, 1999		I'm so very tired. (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.)	Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo

Season 11

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
227	September 26, 1999		Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.)	Beyond Blunderdome
228	October 3, 1999		[Pork is not a verb (the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with.)	Brother's Little Helper
229	October 24, 1999		I am not the last Don (possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony.)	Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230	October 31, 1999		no gag	Treehouse of Horror X
231	November 7, 1999		I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize.	E-I-E-I-D'oh
232	November 14, 1999		I won't not use no double negatives (since three negatives are used, the sentence is true.)	Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233	November 21, 1999		Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (repeated from 3F05.)	Eight Misbehavin'
234	November 28, 1999		I can't see dead people (this is a reference to The Sixth Sense.)	Take My Wife, Sleaze
235	December 19, 1999		I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs.)	Grift of the Magi
236	January 9, 2000		I will not create art from dung.	Little Big Mom
237	January 16, 2000		I will stop phoning it in	Faith Off
238	January 23, 2000		Class clown is not a paid position	The Mansion Family
239	February 6, 2000		Substitute teachers are not scabs.	Saddlesore Galactica
240	February 13, 2000		My suspension was not mutual.	Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241	February 20, 2000		A belch is not an oral report.	Missionary: Impossible
242	February 27, 2000		Dodgeball stops at the gym door.	Pygmoelian
243	March 19, 2000		Non-flammable is not a challenge.	Bart to the Future
244	April 9, 2000		I was not touched "there" by an angel.	Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245	April 30, 2000		I am not here on a fartball scholarship.	Kill the Alligator and Run
246	May 7, 2000		I will not dance on anyone's grave	Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247	May 14, 2000		I cannot hire a substitute student	It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248	May 21, 2000		"I will not obey the voices in my head"	Behind the Laughter

Season 12

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
249	November 1, 2000		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XI
250	November 5, 2000		I will not plant subliminal messagore (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election.)	A Tale of Two Springfields
251	November 12, 2000		I will not surprise the incontinent.	Insane Clown Poppy
252	November 19, 2000		I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election.)	Lisa the Tree Hugger
253	November 26, 2000		I was not the sixth Beatle.	Homer vs. Dignity
254	December 3, 2000		I will only provide a urine sample when asked.	The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255	December 10, 2000		The nurse is not dealing	The Great Money Caper
256	December 17, 2000		Science class should not end in tragedy During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus."	Skinner's Sense of Snow
257	January 7, 2001		Network TV is not dead.	HOMЯ
258	January 14, 2001		I will not "let the dogs out (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men.)	Pokey Mom
259	February 4, 2001		I will not hide the teacher's medication	Worst Episode Ever
260	February 11, 2001		I will not publish the principal's credit report.	Tennis the Menace
261	February 18, 2001		The hamster did not have a "full life"	Day of the Jackanapes
262	February 25, 2001		I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.)	New Kids on the Blecch
263	March 4, 2001		"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap.	Hungry, Hungry Homer
264	March 11, 2001		I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition.)	Bye Bye Nerdie
265	April 1, 2001		I will not flush evidence	Simpson Safari
266	April 29, 2001		Fire is not the cleanser	Trilogy of Error
267	May 6, 2001		Genetics is not an excuse.	I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268	May 13, 2001		Today is not Mothra's Day (this episode aired on Mother's Day.)	Children of a Lesser Clod
269	May 20, 2001		I should not be twenty-one by now (referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.)	Simpsons Tall Tales

Season 13

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
270	November 6, 2001		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XII
271	November 11, 2001		Nobody reads these anymore	The Parent Rap
272	November 18, 2001		A burp in a jar is not a science project	Homer the Moe
273	December 2, 2001		Fun does not have a size	A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274	December 9, 2001		I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park".)	The Blunder Years
275	December 16, 2001		I do not have a cereal named after me.	She of Little Faith
276	January 6, 2002		no gag	Brawl in the Family
277	January 20, 2002		no gag	Sweets and Sour Marge
278	January 27, 2002		no gag	Jaws Wired Shut
279	February 10, 2002		I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (a reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.)	Half-Decent Proposal
280	February 17, 2002		The Giving Tree is not a chump	The Bart Wants What It Wants
281	February 24, 2002		Making Milhouse cry is not a science project	The Lastest Gun in the West
282	March 10, 2002		no gag	The Old Man and the Key
283	March 17, 2002		Vampire is not a career choice	Tales from the Public Domain
284	March 31, 2002		no gag	Blame It on Lisa
285	April 7, 2002		no gag	Weekend at Burnsie's
286	April 21, 2002		no gag	Gump Roast
287	April 28, 2002		no gag	I Am Furious (Yellow)
288	May 5, 2002		I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season.)	The Sweetest Apu
289	May 12, 2002		no gag	Little Girl in the Big Ten
290	May 19, 2002		no gag	The Frying Game
291	May 22, 2002		no gag	Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge

Season 14

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
292	November 3, 2002		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XIII
293	November 10, 2002		no gag	How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
294	November 17, 2002		Fish do not like coffee.	Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
295	November 24, 2002		no gag	Large Marge
296	December 1, 2002		Milhouse did not test cootie positive.	Helter Shelter
297	December 15, 2002		no gag	The Great Louse Detective
298	January 5, 2003		no gag	Special Edna
299	January 12, 2003		no gag	The Dad Who Knew Too Little
300	February 2, 2003		This school does not need a "regime change" (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq.)	The Strong Arms of the Ma
301	February 9, 2003		SpongeBob is not a contraceptive.	Pray Anything
302	February 16, 2003		I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.)	Barting Over
303	February 16, 2003		no gag	I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
304	March 2, 2003		no gag	A Star Is Born-Again
305	March 9, 2003		no gag	Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
306	March 16, 2003		no gag	C.E. D'oh
307	March 30, 2003		no gag	'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
308	April 13, 2003		no gag	Three Gays of the Condo
309	April 27, 2003		no gag	Dude, Where's My Ranch?
310	May 4, 2003		My pen is not a booger launcher	Old Yeller-Belly
311	May 11, 2003		no gag	Brake My Wife, Please
312	May 18, 2003		Sandwiches should not contain sand.	The Bart of War
313	May 18, 2003		no gag	Moe Baby Blues

Season 15

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
314	November 2, 2003		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XIV
315	November 9, 2003		no gag	My Mother the Carjacker
316	November 16, 2003		no gag	The President Wore Pearls
317	November 23, 2003		no gag	The Regina Monologues
318	November 30, 2003		no gag	The Fat and the Furriest
319	December 7, 2003		Over forty & single is not funny	Today, I Am a Clown
320	December 14, 2003		no gag	'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321	January 4, 2004		no gag	Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
322	January 11, 2004		no gag	I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323	January 25, 2004		no gag	Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324	February 8, 2004		no gag	Margical History Tour
325	February 15, 2004		no gag	Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326	February 22, 2004		no gag	Smart and Smarter
327	March 14, 2004		I will not speculate on how hot my teacher used to be.	The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328	March 21, 2004		no gag	Co-Dependent's Day
329	March 28, 2004		no gag	The Wandering Juvie
330	April 18, 2004		no gag	My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331	April 25, 2004		no gag	Catch 'Em if You Can
332	May 2, 2004		no gag	Simple Simpson
333	May 9, 2004		no gag	The Way We Weren't
334	May 16, 2004		no gag	Bart-Mangled Banner
335	May 23, 2004		no gag	Fraudcast News

Season 16

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
336	November 7, 2004		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XV
337	November 14, 2004		no gag	All's Fair in Oven War
338	November 21, 2004		no gag	Sleeping with the Enemy
339	December 5, 2004		Poking a dead raccoon is not research.	She Used to Be My Girl
340	December 12, 2004		no gag	Fat Man and Little Boy
341	January 16, 2005		no gag	Midnight Rx
342	January 30, 2005		no gag	Mommie Beerest
343	February 6, 2005		no gag	Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344	February 13, 2005		no gag	Pranksta Rap
345	February 20, 2005		no gag	There's Something About Marrying
346	March 6, 2005		Beer in a milk carton is not milk.	On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347	March 13, 2005		no gag	Goo Goo Gai Pan
348	March 20, 2005		no gag	Mobile Homer
349	April 3, 2005		no gag	The Seven-Beer Snitch
350	April 17, 2005		no gag	Future-Drama
351	May 1, 2005		no gag	Don't Fear the Roofer
352	May 1, 2005		There is no gag in the opening scene. In the middle of the episode, the chalkboard gag is replaced with Bart buying snacks from the vending machine.	The Heartbroke Kid
353	May 8, 2005		no gag	A Star is Torn
354	May 8, 2005		no gag	Thank God It's Doomsday
355	May 15, 2005		A booger is not a bookmark	Home Away from Homer
356	May 15, 2005		no gag	The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star

Season 17

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
357	September 11, 2005		Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment)	Bonfire of the Manatees
358	September 18, 2005		no gag	The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359	September 25, 2005		no gag	Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360	November 6, 2005		no gag	Treehouse of Horror XVI
361	November 13, 2005		no gag	Marge's Son Poisoning
362	November 20, 2005		no gag	See Homer Run
363	November 27, 2005		no gag	The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364	December 11, 2005		no gag	The Italian Bob
365	December 18, 2005		no gag	Simpson Christmas Stories
366	January 8, 2006		I am not smarter than the President.	Homer's Paternity Coot
367	January 29, 2006		Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual.	We're on the Road to D'oh-where
368	February 26, 2006		no gag	My Fair Laddy
369	March 12, 2006		no gag	The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370	March 19, 2006		no gag	Bart Has Two Mommies
371	March 26, 2006		I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening that says 'I will not eat things for money'.)	Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372	April 2, 2006		I will not flip the classroom upside down (the classroom is flipped upside down.)	Million Dollar Abie
373	April 9, 2006		no gag	Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore
374	April 23, 2006		no gag	The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375	April 30, 2006		no gag	Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376	May 7, 2006		I will not leak the plot of the movie.	Regarding Margie
377	May 14, 2006		Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.")	The Monkey Suit
378	May 21, 2006		Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season)	Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

Season 18

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
379	September 10, 2006		no gag	"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
380	September 17, 2006		no gag	"Jazzy and the Pussycats"
381	September 24, 2006		no gag'(But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy)	"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
382	November 5, 2006		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XVII"
383	November 12, 2006		We are not all naked under our clothes	"G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
384	November 19, 2006		no gag	"Moe'N'a Lisa"
385	November 26, 2006		no gag	"Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"
386	December 10, 2006		no gag	"The Haw-Hawed Couple"
387	December 17, 2006		Frankincense is not a monster.	"Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2"
388	January 7, 2007		no gag	"The Wife Aquatic"
389	January 28, 2007		no gag	"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
390	February 11, 2007		no gag'(But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers")	"Little Big Girl"
391	February 18, 2007		no gag	"Springfield Up"
392	March 4, 2007		no gag	"Yokel Chords"
393	March 11, 2007		no gag	"Rome-Old and Julie-Eh"
394	March 25, 2007		Global Warming did not eat my homework.	"Homerazzi"
395	April 22, 2007		no gag	"Marge Gamer"
396	April 29, 2007		no gag	"The Boys of Bummer"
397	May 6, 2007		I will not look up how much teacher makes.	"Crook and Ladder"
398	May 13, 2007		Pearls are not oyster barf.	"Stop or My Dog Will Shoot!"
399	May 20, 2007		no gag (special 24-style opening)	"24 Minutes"
400	May 20, 2007		no gag (normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait".)	"You Kent Always Say What You Want"

Season 19

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
401	September 23, 2007		I will not wait 20 years to make another movie.	"He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
402	September 30, 2007		The Wall Street Journal is better than ever.	"The Homer of Seville"
403	October 7, 2007		no gag	"Midnight Towboy"
404	October 14, 2007		I am not a FDIC-insured bank.	"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
405	November 4, 2007		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
406	November 11, 2007		There is no such thing as an iPoddy (this episode has some added laughing from Bart while he runs out of the classroom.)	"Little Orphan Millie"
407	November 18, 2007		The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens.	"Husbands and Knives"
408	November 25, 2007		no gag	"Funeral for a Fiend"
409	December 16, 2007		The capital of Montana is not "Hannah."	"Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
410	January 6, 2008		Teacher did not pay too much for her condo.	"E. Pluribus Wiggum"
411	January 27, 2008		no gag	"That '90s Show"
412	February 17, 2008		no gag	"Love, Springfieldian Style"
413	March 2, 2008		The art teacher is fat, not pregnant.	"The Debarted"
414	March 9, 2008		no gag	"Dial "N" for Nerder"
415	March 30, 2008		no gag	"Smoke on the Daughter"
416	April 13, 2008		no gag	"Papa Don't Leech"
417	April 27, 2008		A person's a person, no matter how Ralph.	"Apocalypse Cow"
418	May 4, 2008		no gag	"Any Given Sundance"
419	May 11, 2008		This punishment is not medieval. (in medieval writing style.)	"Mona Leaves-a"
420	May 18, 2008		no gag	"All About Lisa"

Season 20

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
421	September 28, 2008		no gag	"Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes"
422	October 5, 2008		Teachers diet is working.	"Lost Verizon"
423	October 19, 2008		There is no such month as Rocktober	"Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
424	November 2, 2008		None	"Treehouse of Horror XIX"
425	November 9, 2008		I did not see my teacher siphoning gas.	"Dangerous Curves"
426	November 16, 2008		no gag	"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
427	November 30, 2008		Prosperity is just around the corner (and in the couch gag Bart writes I will not bring the chalkboard home).	"Mypods and Boomsticks"
428	December 7, 2008		Jesus is not mad. His birthday is on Christmas.	"The Burns and the Bees"
429	January 25, 2009		I Will Not use Permanet ink on the Chalkboard	"Lisa the Drama Queen"
430	February 15, 2009		HDTV is worth every cent. (The episode was the first one in HD)	"Take My Life, Please"
431	March 1, 2009		"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school.	"How the Test Was Won"
432	March 8, 2009		"I will not have fun with educational toys."	"No Loan Again, Naturally"
433	March 15, 2009		No gag	"Gone Maggie Gone"
434	March 22, 2009		Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks.	"In the Name of the Grandfather"
435	March 29, 2009		"My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds."	"Wedding for Disaster"
436	April 5, 2009		No gag	"Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
437	April 19, 2009		"I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone."	"The Good, the Sad and the Drugly"
438	April 26, 2009		"I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy."	"Father Knows Worst"
439	May 3, 2009		no gag	"Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
440	May 10, 2009		no gag	"Four Great Women and a Manicure"
441	May 17, 2009		"It's 'Facebook,' not 'Assbook.'"	"Coming to Homerica"

Season 21

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
442	September 27, 2009		"The class hamster isn't just sleeping."	"Homer the Whopper"
443	October 4, 2009		"Chalkboarding is not torture."	"Bart Gets a 'Z'"
444	October 11, 2009		"I am not allergic to long division."	"The Great Wife Hope"
445	October 18, 2009		None	"Treehouse of Horror XX"
446	November 15, 2009		"I do not have the hots for my mom."	"The Devil Wears Nada"
447	November 22, 2009		"Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass."	"Pranks and Greens"
448	November 29, 2009		"Teachers' unions are not ruining this country."	"Rednecks and Broomsticks"
449	December 13, 2009		no gag	"O Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
450	January 3, 2010		no gag	"Thursdays with Abie"
451	January 10, 2010		"The world may end in 2012, but this show won't."	"Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
452	January 31, 2010		no gag	"Million Dollar Maybe"
453	February 14, 2010		no gag	"Boy Meets Curl"
454	February 21, 2010		no gag	"The Color Yellow"
455	March 14, 2010		no gag	"Postcards From the Wedge"
456	March 21, 2010		"WWII could not beat up WWI"	"Stealing First Base"
457	March 28, 2010		no gag	"The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
458	April 11, 2010		"Hot dogs are not bookmarks."	"American History X-cellent"
459	April 18, 2010		"This counts as gym and art class"	"Chief of Hearts"
460	April 25, 2010		"South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared" (The South Park creators had death threats.)	"The Squirt and the Whale"
461	May 2, 2010		No Gag	"To Surveil With Love"
462	May 9, 2010		"Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present".	"Moe Letter Blues"
463	May 16, 2010		"Batman Is Not 'Nothing' Without His Utility Belt"	"The Bob Next Door"
464	May 23, 2010		"End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch Us."	"Judge Me Tender"

Season 22

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
465	September 26, 2010		"When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio." (reference to Inception)	"Elementary School Musical"
466	October 3, 2010		"I did not see Teacher applying for welfare."	"Loan-a Lisa"
467	October 10, 2010		"I must not write all over the walls. (Bart wrote all over the classroom)"	"MoneyBART"
468	November 7, 2010		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXI"
469	November 14, 2010		no gag	"Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
470	November 21, 2010		no gag	"The Fool Monty"
471	November 28, 2010		"A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is as good as A Charlie Brown Christmas"	"How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?"
472	December 5, 2010		no gag	"The Fight Before Christmas"
473	December 12, 2010		"Candy canes are not elf bones."	"Donnie Fatso"
474	January 9, 2011		"January is not Bart History Month"	"Moms I'd Like to Forget"
475	January 16, 2011		no gag	"Flaming Moe"
476	January 23, 2011		"Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King"	"Homer the Father"
477	February 13, 2011		"I will not make fun of Cupid's dink."	"The Blue and the Gray"
478	February 20, 2011		no gag	"Angry Dad: The Movie"
479	March 6, 2011		"I'm not here on a Spitball scholar."	"The Scorpion's Tale"
480	March 13, 2011		""Daylight Savings” Is Not a Failed Bank."	"A Midsummer's Nice Dream"
481	March 27, 2011		"I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket."	"Love is a Many Strangled Thing"
482	April 10, 2011		no gag	"The Great Simpsina"
483	May 1, 2011		no gag	"The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
484	May 8, 2011		"I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother""	"Homer Scissorhands"
485	May 15, 2011		"Guinea Pigs Should Not Be Used As "Guinea Pigs"" (on Hulu, it's "It's Kristen Schaal, Not Kristen Schall")	"500 Keys"
486	May 22, 2011		no gag	"The Ned-liest Catch"

Season 23

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
487	September 25, 2011		no gag	"The Falcon and the D'ohman"
488	October 2, 2011		"It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election"	"Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"
489	October 30, 2011		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXII"
490	November 6, 2011		"It's November 6th. How come we're not airing a Halloween show?" (A reference to the Treehouse of Horror series, which usually airs after Halloween.)	"Replaceable You"
491	November 13, 2011		no gag	"The Food Wife"
492	November 20, 2011		no gag	"The Book Job"
493	November 27, 2011		no gag	"The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
494	December 4, 2011		"Caucus" is not a dirty word"	"The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
495	December 11, 2011		"Cafeteria trays are not toboggans"	"Holidays of Future Passed"
496	January 8, 2012		"Tintin did not suck suck"	"Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson"
497	January 15, 2012		"We do need no education"	"The D'oh-cial Network"
498	January 29, 2012		"There's no proven link between raisins and boogers."	"Moe Goes from Rags to Riches"
499	February 12, 2012		"I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart"	"The Daughter Also Rises"
500	February 19, 2012		"Bart's earned a day off" (written by Milhouse, and during the episode Bart spray-paints "I *Heart* the breakdown of society, and leaves with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard.)	"At Long Last Leave"
501	March 4, 2012		no gag	"Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart"
502	March 11, 2012		no gag	"How I Wet Your Mother"
503	March 18, 2012		no gag	"Them, Robot"
504	April 15, 2012		"The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours"	"Beware My Cheating Bart"
505	April 29, 2012		no gag	"A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again"
506	May 6, 2012		no gag	"The Spy Who Learned Me"
507	May 13, 2012		"Call your mother during the commercials"	"Ned 'N Edna's Blend"
508	May 20, 2012		no gag	"Lisa Goes Gaga"

Season 24

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
509	September 30, 2012		"I will not wear white after Labor Day" (Bart is actually wearing the white suit)	"Moonshine River"
510	October 7, 2012		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXIII"
511	November 4, 2012		no gag	"Adventures in Baby-Getting"
512	November 11, 2012		"I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission" (A reference to Rove's panicked appearance on Fox News Channel's preceding election night coverage following the re-election of President Obama)	"Gone Abie Gone"
513	November 18, 2012		"I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in" (another joke about that Springfield city is almost in every state.)	"Penny-Wiseguys"
514	November 25, 2012		"20 more shoplifting days till Christmas"	"A Tree Grows in Springfield"
515	December 9, 2012		no gag	"The Day the Earth Stood Cool"
516	December 16,2012		no gag	"To Cur, with Love"
517	January 6, 2013		"The teacher did not get fat during the holidays"	"Homer Goes to Prep School"
518	January 13,2013		"I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on"	"A Test Before Trying"
519	January 27,2013		no gag	"The Changing of the Guardian"
520	February 10,2013		"I wasn't nominated for Best Spoken Swear Word"	"Love is a Many Splintered Thing"
521	February 17, 2013		"I will not tweet as the principal's toilet"	"Hardly Kirk-ing"
522	March 3, 2013		no gag	"Gorgeous Grampa"
523	March 10, 2013		"I'm sorry I broke the blackboard" (written on a whiteboard)	"Black-eyed Please"
524	March 17, 2013		"Jesus's last words were not 'TGIF'"	Dark Knight Court"
525	April 14, 2013		no gag	"What Animated Women Want"
526	April 28, 2013		no gag	"Pulpit Friction"
527	May 5, 2013		no gag	"Whiskey Business"
528	May 12, 2013		"This school is not falling apart" (the blackboard collapses as Bart leaves)	"The Fabulous Faker Boy"
529	May 19, 2013		no gag	"The Saga of Carl"
530	May 19, 2013		no gag	"Dangers on a Train"

Season 25

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
531	September 29, 2013		"25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment"	"Homerland"
532	October 6, 2013		"All Work and No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy"	"Treehouse of Horror XXIV"
533	November 3, 2013		"We'll really miss you, Mrs. K." (written only once and Bart is sad, in reference to Mrs. Krabappel's voice actress, Marcia Wallace, passing away nine days before this episode aired.)	"Four Regrettings and a Funeral"
534	November 10, 2013		"My school schedule does NOT include a bye week."	"Yolo"
535	November 17, 2013		"Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember."	"Labor Pains"
536	November 24, 2013		no gag	"The Kid is All Right"
537	December 8, 2013		"I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom."	"Yellow Subterfuge"
538	December 15, 2013		"I will not call my teacher 'Prancer' and 'Vixen'."	"White Christmas Blues"
539	January 5, 2014		no gag	"Steal This Episode"
540	January 12, 2014		"Judas Priest is not 'death metal'." (On premiere; later airings have "If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying.")	"Married to the Blob"
541	January 26, 2014		no gag	"Specs and the City"
542	March 9, 2014		No gag, instead a bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals	"Diggs"
543	March 9, 2014		no gag	"The Man Who Grew Too Much"
544	March 16, 2014		"My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's."	"The Winter of His Content"
545	March 23, 2014		no gag	"The War Of Art"
546	March 30, 2014		no gag	"You Don't Have To Live Like A Referee"
547	April 6, 2014		no gag	"Luca$"
548	April 13, 2014		no gag	"Days of Future Future"
549	April 27, 2014		"April Showers do not bring Matt Lauers." (Hulu showings have "You can't play April Fools jokes on April 27th.")	"What to Expect When Bart's Expecting"
550	May 4, 2014		no gag	"Brick Like Me"
551	May 11, 2014		no gag	"Pay Pal"
552	May 18, 2014		no gag	"The Yellow Badge of Cowardge"

Season 26

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
553	September 28, 2014		"Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die." (This is a reference to the controversy of the marketing for the episode, where it implied that a major character in the series would die in the premiere, with some spotlights implying that Homer would die, when it was instead Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky who dies.)	"Clown in the Dumps"
554	October 5, 2014		no gag	"The Wreck of the Relationship"
555	October 12, 2014		no gag	"Super Franchise Me"
556	October 19, 2014		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXV"
557	November 2, 2014		no gag	"Opposites A-Frack"
558	November 9, 2014		no gag	"Simpsorama"
559	November 16, 2014		no gag	"Blazed and Confused"
560	November 23, 2014		no gag	"Covercraft"
561	December 7, 2014		"Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken"	"I Won't Be Home for Christmas"
562	January 4, 2015		no gag	"The Man Who Came to Be Dinner"
563	January 11, 2015		"Snowmen don't have carrot penises"	"Bart's New Friend
564	January 25, 2015		no gag	"The Musk Who Fell To Earth"
565	February 8, 2015		no gag	"Walking Big & Tall"
566	February 15, 2015		"Pixel art is not real art"	"My Fare Lady
567	March 1, 2015			"The Princess Guide"
568	March 8, 2015			"Sky Police"
569	March 15, 2015			"Waiting for Duffman"
570	April 19, 2015			"Peeping Mom"
571	April 26, 2015		"I will not pay my sister to do my punishment" (Lisa is writing and Bart is watching her)	"The Kids Are All Fight"
572	May 3, 2015			"Let's Go Fly a Coot"
573	May 10, 2015			"Bull-E"
574	May 17, 2015		"I will not fight the future"	"Mathlete's Feat"

Season 27

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
575	September 27, 2015		no gag	"Every Man's Dream"
576	October 4, 2015		no gag	"Cue Detective"
577	October 11, 2015		no gag	"Puffless"
578	October 18, 2015		no gag	"Halloween of Horror"
579	October 25, 2015		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXVI"
580	November 8, 2015		no gag	"Friend with Benefit"
581	November 22, 2015		no gag	"Lisa with an "S""
582	December 6, 2015		no gag	"Paths of Glory"
583	December 13, 2015		no gag	"Barthood"
584	January 3, 2016		no gag	"The Girl Code"
585	January 10, 2016		no gag	"Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles"
586	January 17, 2016		no gag	"Much Apu About Something"
587	February 14, 2016		"Hershey Kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt"	"Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4"
588	February 21, 2016		no gag	"Gal of Constant Sorrow"
589	March 6, 2016		no gag	"Lisa the Veterinarian"
590	March 13, 2016		no gag	"The Marge-ian Chronicles"
591	April 3, 2016		"If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything."	"The Burns Cage"
592	April 10, 2016		"Never lose a bet with Bart Simpson." (Written by Principal Skinner while Bart watches)	"How Lisa Got Her Marge Back"
593	April 24, 2016		"Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon."	"Fland Canyon"

The Simpsons Movie

#	Airdate	Screenshot	Gag	Episode title
1	July 27, 2007		I will not illegally download this movie	The Simpsons Movie