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The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
1 December 17, 1989
"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
No Image Available
(no gag)
2 January 14, 1990
"Bart the Genius"
Chalkboard gag (Bart the Genius) I will not waste chalk
3 January 21, 1990
"Homer's Odyssey"
Chalkboard gag (Homer's Odyssey) I will not skateboard in the halls
4 January 28, 1990
"There's No Disgrace Like Home"
Chalkboard gag (There's No Disgrace Like Home) I will not burp in class
5 February 4, 1990
"Bart the General"
No Image Available
(no gag)
The open is shortened for time.
6 February 11, 1990
"Moaning Lisa"
OrigianlChalkboardS1E06 I will not instigate revolution
7 February 18, 1990
"The Call of the Simpsons"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Epicsode 7 I will not draw naked ladies in class
8 February 25, 1990
"The Telltale Head"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 8 I did not see Elvis
This was a reference to a rumor that Elvis Presley was not dead, and accidentally appeared on the airport scene of Home Alone.
9 March 18, 1990
"Life on the Fast Lane"
No Image Available
(no gag)
The open is shortened for time.
10 March 25, 1990
"Homer's Night Out"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 10 I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
11 April 15, 1990
"The Crepes of Wrath"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 11 Garlic gum is not funny
12 April 29, 1990
"Krusty Gets Busted"
Chalkboard gag (Krusty Gets Busted) They are laughing at me, not with me
13 May 13, 1990
"Some Enchanted Evening"
Chalkboard gag (Some Enchanted Evening) I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
This was originally the first chalkboard gag.

Season 2

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
14 October 11, 1990
"Bart Gets an "F""
CE1 I will not encourage others to fly.
Also in the episode: "I will not fake my way through life"
15 October 18, 1990
"Simpson and Delilah"
2CE2 Tar is not a plaything.
16 October 25, 1990
"Treehouse of Horror"
No Image Available
(no gag)
17 November 1, 1990
"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
2CE4

Original version:
I will not Xerox my butt.

Alternate 1992 rerun version:
It's potato, not potatoe.

18 November 8, 1990
"Dancin' Homer"
2CE5 I will not trade pants with others.
19 November 15, 1990
"Dead Putting Society"
2CE6 I am not a 32 year old woman.
At the time of the airing, Nancy Cartwright (the voice actress of Bart) was 32 years old.
20 November 22, 1990
"Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
2CE7 I will not do that thing with my tongue.
21 December 6, 1990
"Bart the Daredevil"
2CE8 I will not drive the principal's car.
22 December 20, 1990
"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
2CE9 I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
23 January 10, 1991
"Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
2CE10 I will not sell school property.
24 January 24, 1991
"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
2CE11 I will not cut corners.
This is written only for 6 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks, showing Bart is actually doing "cut corners".
25 January 31, 1991
"The Way We Was"
2CE12 I will not get very far with this attitude.
26 February 7, 1991
"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
2CE13 I will not make flatulent noises in class.
27 February 14, 1991
"Principal Charming"
2CE14 I will not belch the national anthem.
28 February 21, 1991
"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
2CE15 I will not sell land in Florida.
29 March 7, 1991
"Bart's Dog Gets an F"
2CE16 I will not sell school property.
Same as Bart Gets Hit by a Car.
30 March 28, 1991
"Old Money"
2CE17 I will not grease the monkey bars.
31 April 11, 1991
"Brush with Greatness"
2CE18 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
32 April 25, 1991
"Lisa's Substitute"
No Image Available
(no gag)
33 May 2, 1991
"The War of the Simpsons"
2CE20 I will not do anything bad ever again.'
34 May 9, 1991
"Three Men and a Comic Book"
2CE21 I will not show off.
Bart actually trying to show off, writing it in Blackletter.
35 July 11, 1991
"Blood Feud"
2CE22 I will not sleep through my education.

Season 3

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
36 September 19, 1991
"Stark Raving Dad"
3CE1 I am not a dentist
37 September 26, 1991
"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
3CE2 Spitwads are not free speech
38 October 3, 1991
"When Flanders Failed"
3CE3 Nobody likes sun burn slappers
39 October 10, 1991
"Bart the Murderer"
3CE4 High explosives and school don't mix
Bart the Murderer 47 Also during the episode: "I will not bribe Principal Skinner"
40 October 17, 1991
"Homer Defined"
3CE5 I will not squeak chalk
Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.
41 October 24, 1991
"Like Father, Like Clown"
3CE6 I will finish what I sta
Bart only wrote once and unfinished as the text should be: "I will finish what I started".
42 October 31, 1991
"Treehouse of Horror II"
No Image Available
(no gag)
43 November 7, 1991
"Lisa's Pony"
3CE8 "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
44 November 14, 1991
"Saturdays of Thunder"
3CE9 I will not fake rabies
45 November 21, 1991
"Flaming Moe's"
3CE10 Underwear should be worn on the inside
46 December 5, 1991
"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
3CE11 The Christmas Pageant does not stink
47 December 26, 1991
"I Married Marge"
3CE12 I will not torment the emotionally frail
48 January 9, 1992
"Radio Bart"
3CE13 I will not carve gods
49 January 23, 1992
"Lisa the Greek"
No Image Available
(no gag)
50 February 6, 1992
"Homer Alone"
3CE15 I will not spank others
51 February 13, 1992
"Bart the Lover"
No Image Available
(no gag)
52 February 20, 1992
"Homer at the Bat"
3CE17 I will not aim for the head
In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a baseball game.
53 February 27, 1992
"Separate Vocations"
3CE18 I will not barf unless I'm sick
Separate Vocations 119 Also during the episode: "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty"
54 March 12, 1992
"Dog of Death"
3CE19 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
55 March 26, 1992
"Colonel Homer"
3CE20 I will not conduct my own fire drills
56 April 9, 1992
"Black Widower"
3CE21 Funny noises are not funny
57 April 23, 1992
"The Otto Show"
3CE22 I will not spin the turtle
58 May 7, 1992
"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
3CE23 I will not snap bras
59 August 27, 1992
"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
3CE24 I will not fake seizures

Season 4

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
60 September 24, 1992
"Kamp Krusty"
Simpsons-punishment This punishment is not boring and pointless
61 October 1, 1992
"A Streetcar Named Marge"
Simpsons-death My name is not "Dr. Death"
62 October 8, 1992
"Homer the Heretic"
Simpsons-orleans I will not defame New Orleans
This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode's song about New Orleans.
63 October 15, 1992
"Lisa the Beauty Queen"
The-Simpsons-s04e04-Lisa-The-Beauty-Queen I will not prescribe medication
64 October 29, 1992
"Treehouse of Horror III"
No Image Available
(no gag)
65 November 3, 1992
"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
I will not bury the new kid
During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child."
66 November 5, 1992
"Marge Gets a Job"
The-Simpsons-s04e07-Marge-Gets-a-Job I will not teach others to fly
67 November 12, 1992
"New Kid on the Block"
I will not bring sheep to class
68 November 19, 1992
"Mr. Plow"
Chalk gag a burp is not an answer A burp is not an answer
69 December 3, 1992
"Lisa's First Word"
The-Simpsons-s04e10-Lisas-First-Word Teacher is not a leper
70 December 17, 1992
"Homer's Triple Bypass"
Simpsons-coffee Coffee is not for kids
Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.
71 January 14, 1993
"Marge vs. the Monorail"
The-Simpsons-s04e12-Marge-vs.-the-Monorail I will not eat things for money
72 January 21, 1993
"Selma's Choice"
The-Simpsons-s04e13-Selmas-Choice I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
73 February 4, 1993
"Brother from the Same Planet"
The-Simpsons-s04e14-Brother-from-the-Same-Planet The principal's toupée is not a frisbee
74 February 11, 1993
"I Love Lisa"
The-Simpsons-s04e15-I-Love-Lisa I will not call the principal "spud head"
75 February 18, 1993
"Duffless"
Goldfish dont bounce Goldfish don't bounce
76 March 11, 1993
"Last Exit to Springfield"
The-Simpsons-s04e17-Last-Exit-To-Springfield Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
77 April 1, 1993
"So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
The-Simpsons-s04e18-So-Its-Come-To-This -A-Simpsons-Clip-Show No one is interested in my underpants
78 April 15, 1993
"The Front"
The-Simpsons-s04e19-The-Front I will not sell miracle cures
79 April 29, 1993
"Whacking Day"
Simpsons-dog I will return the seeing-eye dog
80 May 6, 1993
"Marge in Chains"
The-Simpsons-s04e21-Marge-in-Chains I do not have diplomatic immunity
81 May 13, 1993
"Krusty Gets Kancelled"
The-Simpsons-s04e22-Krusty-Gets-Cancelled I will not charge admission to the bathroom

Season 5

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
82 September 30, 1993
Homer's Barbershop Quartet
5CE1 I will never win an Emmy
In fact, 9 Emmy Awards had been won by the show and cast by show's airing date.
83 October 7, 1993
Cape Feare
5CE2 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
84 October 14, 1993
Homer Goes to College
No Image Available
(no gag)
85 October 21, 1993
Rosebud
No Image Available
(no gag)
86 October 28, 1993
Treehouse of Horror IV
No Image Available
(no gag)
87 November 4, 1993
Marge on the Lam
No Image Available
(no gag)
88 November 11, 1993
Bart's Inner Child
No Image Available
(no gag)
89 November 18, 1993
Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
No Image Available
(no gag)
90 December 9, 1993
The Last Temptation of Homer
5CE9 All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
91 December 16, 1993
$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
5CE10 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
...which actually happens later in Trash of the Titans
92 January 6, 1994
Homer the Vigilante
5CE11 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
93 February 3, 1994
Bart Gets Famous
5CE12 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
94 February 10, 1994
Homer and Apu
Chalk gag i will not go near the kidergarden turtle I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
95 February 17, 1994
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
No Image Available
(no gag)
96 February 24, 1994
Deep Space Homer
No Image Available
(no gag)
97 March 17, 1994
Homer Loves Flanders
Simpsons-saucy I am not delightfully saucy
98 March 31, 1994
Bart Gets an Elephant
Simpsons-organ Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
99 April 14, 1994
Burns' Heir
Simpsons-pledge The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan"
100 April 28, 1994
Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
Simpsons-milestones I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
In fact, this was the 100th episode of The Simpsons.
101 May 5, 1994
The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Simpsons-businesses There are plenty of businesses like show business
102 May 12, 1994
Lady Bouvier's Lover
Simpsons-transmit I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
103 May 19, 1994
Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Simpsons-gun Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Season 6

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
104 September 4, 1994 Beans are neither a fruit nor musical (This takes us back to "Whacking Day") Bart of Darkness
105 September 11, 1994 No one is interested in my underpants (same as episode 77) Lisa's Rival
106 September 25, 1994 I will not use abbrev. Another Simpsons Clip Show
107 October 2, 1994 I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. Itchy & Scratchy Land
108 October 9, 1994 No Image Available no gag Sideshow Bob Roberts
109 October 30, 1994 No Image Available no gag Treehouse of Horror V
110 November 6, 1994 I will not send lard through the mail Bart's Girlfriend
111 November 13, 1994 I will not dissect things unless instructed Lisa on Ice
112 November 27, 1994 I will not whittle hall passes out of soap Homer Badman
113 December 4, 1994 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man(recycled from 1F11) Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
114 December 18, 1994 Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Fear of Flying
115 January 8, 1995 Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal Homer the Great
116 January 22, 1995 'Bagman' is not a le

gitimate career choice

And Maggie Makes Three
117 February 5, 1995 Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does Bart's Comet
118 February 12, 1995 Next time it could be me on the scaffolding Homie the Clown
119 February 19, 1995 I will not hang donuts on my person Bart vs. Australia
120 February 26, 1995 I will remember to take my medication Homer vs. Patty and Selma
121 March 5, 1995 No Image Available no gag A Star is Burns
122 March 19, 1995 . I will not strut around like I own the place. Lisa's Wedding
123 April 9, 1995 The Good Humor man can only be push

ed so far.

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
124 April 16, 1995 I do not have power of attorney over first graders. The PTA Disbands
125 April 30, 1995 Nerve gas is not a toy. 'Round Springfield
126 May 7, 1995 I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface. The Springfield Connection
127 May 14, 1995 The First Amendment does not cover burping. Lemon of Troy
128 May 21, 1995 This is not a clue... or is it? (part 1 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?". Gag is also seen in The Simpsons Road Rage.) Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

Season 7

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
129 September 17, 1995 I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (part 2 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?") Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)
130 September 24, 1995 "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism Radioactive Man
131 October 1, 1995 No one wants to hea

r from my armpits

Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
132 October 8, 1995 I am not a lean mean spitting machine Bart Sells His Soul
133 October 15, 1995 The boys' room is not a water park Lisa the Vegetarian
134 October 29, 1995 No Image Available no

 gag

Treehouse of Horror VI
135 November 5, 1995 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage King-Size Homer
136 November 19, 1995 No Image Available no gag Mother Simpson
137 November 26, 1995 Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138 December 3, 1995 I will only do this once a year ("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular," a clip show) The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139 December 17, 1995 I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist Marge Be Not Proud
140 January 7, 1996 I am not certified to remove asbestos Team Homer
141 January 14, 1996 No Image Available no gag Two Bad Neighbors
142 February 4, 1996 No Image Available no gag Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143 February 11, 1996 No Image Available no gag Bart the Fink
144 February 18, 1996 No Image Available no gag Lisa the Iconoclast
145 February 25, 1996 No Image Available no gag Homer the Smithers
146 March 17, 1996 No Image Available no gag The Day the Violence Died
147 March 24, 1996 No Image Available no gag A Fish Called Selma
148 March 31, 1996 No Image Available no gag Bart on the Road
149 April 14, 1996 No Image Available no gag 22 Short Films About Springfield
150 April 28, 1996 No Image Available no gag Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
151 May 5, 1996 No Image Available no gag Much Apu About Nothing
152 May 19, 1996 No Image Available no gag Homerpalooza
153 May 19, 1996 No Image Available no gag Summer of 4 Ft. 2

Season 8

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
154 October 27, 1996 No Image Available no gag Treehouse of Horror VII
155 November 3, 1996 I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten. You Only Move Twice
156 November 10, 1996 I am not my long-lost twin. The Homer They Fall
157 November 17, 1996 No Image Available no gag Burns, Baby Burns
158 November 24, 1996 No Image Available no gag Bart After Dark
159 December 1, 1996 No Image Available no gag A Milhouse Divided
160 December 15, 1996 Lisa's Date with Density 73 no gag (But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss." And Says "How does Bart do this everyweek.) Lisa's Date with Density
161 December 29, 1996 No Image Available no gag Hurricane Neddy
162 January 5, 1997 No Image Available no gag El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163 January 12, 1997 The truth is not out there("The Springfield Files," an X-Files parody episode) The Springfield Files
164 January 19, 1997 I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie) The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165 February 2, 1997 No Image Available no gag Mountain of Madness
166 February 7, 1997 I will not hide the teacher's Prozac Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167 February 9, 1997 No Image Available no gag The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168 February 16, 1997 No Image Available no gag Homer's Phobia
169 February 23, 1997 No Image Available no gag Brother from Another Series
170 March 2, 1997 No Image Available no gag My Sister, My Sitter
171 March 16, 1997 No Image Available no gag Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
172 April 6, 1997 No Image Available no gag Grade School Confidential
173 April 13, 1997 A fire drill does not demand a fire The Canine Mutiny
174 April 20, 1997 No Image Available no gag

The Old Man and the Lisa

175 April 27, 1997 No Image Available no gag In Marge We Trust
176 May 4, 1997 No Image Available no gag Homer's Enemy
177 May 11, 1997 No Image Available no gag The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178 May 18, 1997 No Image Available no gag The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

Season 9

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
179 September 21, 1997 no gag The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180 September 28, 1997 no gag The Principal and the Pauper
181 October 19, 1997 I no longer want my MTV(reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song), and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming) Lisa's Sax
182 October 26, 1997 no gag Treehouse of Horror VIII
183 November 2, 1997 Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story. The Cartridge Family
184 November 9, 1997 I did not invent Irish dancing. Bart Star
185 November 16, 1997 no gag The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186 November 23, 1997 I will not tease Fatty. Lisa the Skeptic
187 December 7, 1997 There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" Realty Bites
188 December 21, 1997 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189 January 4, 1998 no gag All Singing, All Dancing
190 January 11, 1998 no gag Bart Carny
191 February 8, 1998 Shooting paintballs is not an art form The Joy of Sect
192 February 15, 1998 no gag Das Bus
193 February 22, 1998 Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer.) The Last Temptation of Krust
194 March 1, 1998 Silly string is not a nasal spray. Dumbbell Indemnity
195 March 8, 1998 no gag Lisa the Simpson
196 March 22, 1998 I was told not to do this This Little Wiggy
197 March 29, 1998 My butt does not deserve a website. Simpson Tide
198 April 5, 1998 I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to "The Voice" cast's recent demands for higher pay.) The Trouble with Trillions
199 April 19, 1998 no gag Girly Edition
200 April 26, 1998 ChalkboardGagS9CouchGagE22 I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs'''''into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.) Trash of the Titans
201 May 3, 1998 no gag King of the Hill
202 May 10, 1998 I am not the new Dalai Lama. Lost Our Lisa
203 May 17, 1998 I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".) Natural Born Kissers

Season 10

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
204 August 23, 1998 no gag Lard of the Dance
205 September 20, 1998 I will not file frivolous lawsuits I will not file frivolous lawsuits The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206 September 27, 1998 no gag Bart the Mother
207 October 25, 1998 BartBlackboardHalloweenSpecial The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) Treehouse of Horror IX
208 November 8, 1998 Butt.butt is not my e-mail address "butt.com" is not my e-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.) When You Dish Upon a Star
209 November 15, 1998 No one cares what my definition of is is No one cares what my definition of "is" is D'oh-in' in the Wind
210 November 22, 1998 I will not scream for ice cream I will not scream for ice cream Lisa Gets an "A"
211 December 6, 1998 I am not a licensed hairstylist I am not a

licensed h airstylist

Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212 December 20, 1998 The president did it is not an excuse "The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton). Mayored to the Mob
213 January 10, 1999 My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfield My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld Viva Ned Flanders
214 January 17, 1999 Sherri does not got back Sherri does

not "got back"

Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215 January 31, 1999 I will not do the dirty bird I will not do "the dirty bird." (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.) Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216 February 7, 1999 No one cares about my sciatica. Homer to the Max
217 February 14, 1999 Hillbillies are people too. I'm with Cupid
218 February 21, 1999 Grammar is not a time of waste Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219 February 28, 1999 I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20) Make Room for Lisa
220 March 28, 1999 It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song) Maximum Homerdrive
221 April 4, 1999 Simpsons Bible Stories -00242 I cannot absolve sins (during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible.) Simpsons Bible Stories
222 April 11, 1999 A trained ape could not teach gym Mom and Pop Art
223 April 25, 1999 Loose teeth don't need my help. The Old Man and the "C" Student
224 May 2, 1999 I have neither been there nor done that Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225 May 9, 1999 No one wants to hear from my armpits (repeated from 3F01) They Saved Lisa's Brain
226 May 16, 1999 I'm so very tired. (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.) Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo

Season 11

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
227 September 26, 1999 Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.) Beyond Blunderdome
228 October 3, 1999 [Pork is not a verb (the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with.) Brother's Little Helper
229 October 24, 1999 I am not the last Don (possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony.) Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230 October 31, 1999 no gag Treehouse of Horror X
231 November 7, 1999 I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize. E-I-E-I-D'oh
232 November 14, 1999 I won't not use no double negatives (since three negatives are used, the sentence is true.) Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233 November 21, 1999 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (repeated from 3F05.) Eight Misbehavin'
234 November 28, 1999 I can't see dead people (this is a reference to The Sixth Sense.) Take My Wife, Sleaze
235 December 19, 1999 Grift of the Magi 75 I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs.) (and during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not do math in class.") Grift of the Magi
236 January 9, 2000 I will not create art from dung. Little Big Mom
237 January 16, 2000 I will stop phoning it in Faith Off
238 January 23, 2000 Class clown is not a paid position The Mansion Family
239 February 6, 2000 Substitute teachers are not scabs. Saddlesore Galactica
240 February 13, 2000 My suspension was not mutual. Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241 February 20, 2000 A belch is not an oral report. Missionary: Impossible
242 February 27, 2000 Dodgeball stops at the gym door. Pygmoelian
243 March 19, 2000 Non-flammable is not a challenge. Bart to the Future
244 April 9, 2000 I was not touched "there" by an angel. Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245 April 30, 2000 I am not here on a fartball scholarship. Kill the Alligator and Run
246 May 7, 2000 I will not dance on anyone's grave Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247 May 14, 2000 I cannot hire a substitute student It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248 May 21, 2000 "I will not obey the voices in my head" Behind the Laughter

Season 12

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
249 November 1, 2000 no gag Treehouse of Horror XI
250 November 5, 2000 I will not plant subliminal messagore (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election.) A Tale of Two Springfields
251 November 12, 2000 I will not surprise the incontinent. Insane Clown Poppy
252 November 19, 2000 I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election.) Lisa the Tree Hugger
253 November 26, 2000 I was not the sixth Beatle. Homer vs. Dignity
254 December 3, 2000 I will only provide a urine sample when asked. The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255 December 10, 2000 The nurse is not dealing The Great Money Caper
256 December 17, 2000 Skinner's Sense of Snow 72 Science class should not end in tragedy
During the epis

ode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus."

Skinner's Sense of Snow
257 January 7, 2001 Network TV is not dead. HOMЯ
258 January 14, 2001 I will not "let the dogs out" (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men.) Pokey Mom
259 February 4, 2001 I will not hide the teacher's medication

Worst Episode Ever

260 February 11, 2001 I will not publish the principal's credit report. Tennis the Menace
261 February 18, 2001 The hamster did not have a "

full life"

Day of the Jackanapes
262 February 25, 2001 I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.) New Kids on the Blecch
263 March 4, 2001 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap. Hungry, Hungry Homer
264 March 11, 2001 I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition.) Bye Bye Nerdie
265 April 1, 2001 I will not flush evidence Simpson Safari
266 April 29, 2001 Fire is not the cleanser Trilogy of Error
267 May 6, 2001 Genetics is not an excuse. I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268 May 13, 2001 Today is not Mothra's Day (this episode aired on Mother's Day.) Children of a Lesser Clod
269 May 20, 2001 I should not be twenty-one by now (referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.) Simpsons Tall Tales

Season 13

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
270 November 6, 2001 no gag Treehouse of Horror XII
271 November 11, 2001 Nobody reads these anymore The Parent Rap
272 November 18, 2001 A burp in a jar is not a science project Homer the Moe
273 December 2, 2001 Fun does not have a size A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274 December 9, 2001 I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park".) The Blunder Years
275 December 16, 2001 I do not have a cereal named after me. She of Little Faith
276 January 6, 2002 no gag Brawl in the Family
277 January 20, 2002 no gag Sweets and Sour Marge
278 January 27, 2002 no gag Jaws Wired Shut
279 February 10, 2002 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (a reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.) Half-Decent Proposal
280 February 17, 2002 The Giving Tree is not a chump The Bart Wants What It Wants
281 February 24, 2002 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project The Lastest Gun in the West
282 March 10, 2002 no gag The Old Man and the Key
283 March 17, 2002 Vampire is not a career choice Tales from the Public Domain
284 March 31, 2002 no

 gag

Blame It on Lisa
285 April 7, 2002 no gag Weekend at Burnsie's
286 April 21, 2002 no gag Gump Roast
287 April 28, 2002 no gag I Am Furious (Yellow)
288 May 5, 2002 I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season.) The Sweetest Apu
289 May 12, 2002 no gag Little Girl in the Big Ten
290 May 19, 2002 no gag The Frying Game
291 May 22, 2002 no gag Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge

Season 14

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
292 November 3, 2002 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIII
293 November 10, 2002 no gag How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
294 November 17, 2002 Fish do not like coffee. Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
295 November 24, 2002 no gag Large Marge
296 December 1, 2002 Milhouse did not test cootie positive. Helter Shelter
297 December 15, 2002 no gag The Great Louse Detective
298 January 5, 2003 no gag Special Edna
299 January 12, 2003 no gag The Dad Who Knew Too Little
300 February 2, 2003 This school does not need a "regime change" (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq.) The Strong Arms of the Ma
301 February 9, 2003 250px-Pray Anything - Chalkboard gag SpongeBob is not a contraceptive. Pray Anything
302 February 16, 2003 I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.) Barting Over
303 February 16, 2003 no gag I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
304 March 2, 2003 no gag A Star Is Born-Again
305 March 9, 2003 no gag Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
306 March 16, 2003 no gag C.E. D'oh
307 March 30, 2003 no gag 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
308 April 13, 2003 no gag Three Gays of the Condo
309 April 27, 2003 no gag Dude, Where's My Ranch?
310 May 4, 2003 My pen is not a booger launcher Old Yeller-Belly
311 May 11, 2003 no gag Brake My Wife, Please
312 May 18, 2003 Sandwiches should not contain sand. The Bart of War
313 May 18, 2003 no gag Moe Baby Blues

Season 15

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
314 November 2, 2003 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIV
315 November 9, 2003 no gag My Mother the Carjacker
316 November 16, 2003 no gag The President Wore Pearls
317 November 23, 2003 no gag The Regina Monologues
318 November 30, 2003 no gag The Fat and the Furriest
319 December 7, 2003 Over forty & single is not funny Today, I Am a Clown
320 December 14, 2003 no gag 'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321 January 4, 2004 no gag Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
322 January 11, 2004 no gag I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323 January 25, 2004 no gag Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324 February 8, 2004 no gag Margical History Tour
325 February 15, 2004 no gag Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326 February 22, 2004 no gag Smart and Smarter
327 March 14, 2004 I wi

ll not speculate on how hot my teacher used to be.

The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328 March 21, 2004 no gag Co-Dependent's Day
329 March 28, 2004 no gag The Wandering Juvie
330 April 18, 2004 no gag My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331 April 25, 2004 no gag Catch 'Em if You Can
332 May 2, 2004 no gag Simple Simpson
333 May 9, 2004 no gag The Way We Weren't
334 May 16, 2004 no gag Bart-Mangled Banner
335 May 23, 2004 no gag Fraudcast News

Season 16

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
336 November 7, 2004 no gag Treehouse of Horror XV
337 November 14, 2004 no gag All's Fair in Oven War
338 November 21, 2004 no gag Sleeping with the Enemy
339 December 5, 2004 Poking a dead raccoon is not research. She Used to Be My Girl
340 December 12, 2004 no gag Fat Man and Little Boy
341 January 16, 2005 no gag Midnight Rx
342 January 30, 2005 no gag Mommie Beerest
343 February 6, 2005 no gag Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344 February 13, 2005 no gag Pranksta Rap
345 February 20, 2005 no gag There's Something About Marrying
346 March 6, 2005 Beer in a milk carton is not milk. On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347 March 13, 2005 no gag Goo Goo Gai Pan
348 March 20, 2005 no gag Mobile Homer
349 April 3, 2005 no gag The Seven-Beer Snitch
350 April 17, 2005 no gag Future-Drama
351 May 1, 2005 no gag Don't Fear the Roofer
352 May 1, 2005 There is no gag in the opening scene. In the middle of the episode, the chalkboard gag is replaced with Bart buying snacks from the vending machine. The Heartbroke Kid
353 May 8, 2005 no gag A Star is Torn
354 May 8, 2005 no gag Thank God It's Doomsday
355 May 15, 2005 A booger is not a bookmark Home Away from Homer
356 May 15, 2005 no gag The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star

Season 17

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
357 September 11, 2005 Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment) Bonfire of the Manatees
358 September 18, 2005 no gag The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359 September 25, 2005 no gag Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360 November 6, 2005 no gag Treehouse of Horror XVI
361 November 13, 2005 no gag Marge's Son Poisoning
362 November 20, 2005 no gag See Homer Run
363 November 27, 2005 no gag The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364 December 11, 2005 no gag The Italian Bob
365 December 18, 2005 no gag Simpson Christmas Stories
366 January 8, 2006 I am not smarter than the President. Homer's Paternity Coot
367 January 29, 2006 Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual. We're on the Road to D'oh-where
368 February 26, 2006 no gag My Fair Laddy
369 March 12, 2006 no gag The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370 March 19, 2006 no gag Bart Has Two Mommies
371 March 26, 2006 The.simpsons.s17e15 I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of' this episode included a special live action opening that says 'I will not eat things for money'.) Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372 April 2, 2006 Bart flips chalkboard I will not flip the classroom upside down (the classroom is flipped upside down.) Million Dollar Abie
373 April 9, 2006 no gag Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore
374 April 23, 2006 no gag The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375 April 30, 2006 no gag Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376 May 7, 2006 I will not leak the plot of the movie. Regarding Margie
377 May 14, 2006 The simpsons s17e21 Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French'.") The Monkey Suit
378 May 21, 2006 Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season) Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

Season 18

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
379 September 10, 2006 no gag "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
380 September 17, 2006 no gag "Jazzy and the Pussycats"
381 September 24, 2006 Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em 67 no gag (But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy) "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
382 November 5, 2006 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVII"
383 November 12, 2006 We are not all naked under our clothes "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
384 November 19, 2006 no gag "Moe'N'a Lisa"
385 November 26, 2006 no gag "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"
386 December 10, 2006 no gag "The Haw-Hawed Couple"
387 December 17, 2006 Frankincense is not a monster. "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2"
388 January 7, 2007 no gag "The Wife Aquatic"
389 January 28, 2007 no gag "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
390 February 11, 2007 Little Big Girl 47 no gag (But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers") "Little Big Girl"
391 February 18, 2007 no gag "Springfield Up"
392 March 4, 2007 no gag "Yokel Chords"
393 March 11, 2007 no gag "Rome-Old and Julie-Eh"
394 March 25, 2007 Global Warming did not eat my homework. "Homerazzi"
395 April 22, 2007 no gag "Marge Gamer"
396 April 29, 2007 no gag "The Boys of Bummer"
397 May 6, 2007 I will not look up how much teacher makes. "Crook and Ladder"
398 May 13, 2007 Pearls are not oyster barf. "Stop or My Dog Will Shoot!"
399 May 20, 2007 no gag (special 24-style opening) "24 Minutes"
400 May 20, 2007 no gag (normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait".) "You Kent Always Say What You Want"

The Simpsons Movie

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
1 July 27, 2007 MCE1 I will not illegally download this movie The Simpsons Movie

Season 19

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
401 September 23, 2007 BartChalkboardCallback I will not wait 20 years to make another movie. "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
402 September 30, 2007 The Wall Street Journal is better than ever The Wall Street Journal is better than ever. "The Homer of Seville"
403 October 7, 2007 no gag "Midnight Towboy"
404 October 14, 2007 I am not an FDIC-insured bank I am not a FDIC-insured bank. "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
405 November 4, 2007 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
406 November 11, 2007 There is no such thing as an iPoddy There is no such thing as an iPoddy (this episode has some added laughing from Bart while he runs out of the classroom.) "Little Orphan Millie"
407 November 18, 2007 The pilgrims were not illegal aliens The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens. "Husbands and Knives"
408 November 25, 2007 no gag "Funeral for a Fiend"
409 December 16, 2007 The capital of Montana is not Hannah The capital of Montana is not "Hannah." "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
410 January 6, 2008 The teacher did not pay too much for her condo Teacher did not pay too much for her condo. "E. Pluribus Wiggum"
411 January 27, 2008 no gag "That '90s Show"
412 February 17, 2008 no gag "Love, Springfieldian Style"
413 March 2, 2008 The art teacher is fat, not pregnant The art teacher is fat, not pregnant. "The Debarted"
414 March 9, 2008 no gag "Dial "N" for Nerder"
415 March 30, 2008 no gag "Smoke on the Daughter"
416 April 13, 2008 no gag "Papa Don't Leech"
417 April 27, 2008 A person's a person no matter how Ralph A person's a person, no matter how Ralph. "Apocalypse Cow"
418 May 4, 2008 no gag "Any Given Sundance"
419 May 11, 2008 This punishment is not medieval This punishment is not medieval. (In a medieval writing style.) "Mona Leaves-a"
420 May 18, 2008 no gag "All About Lisa"

Season 20

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
421 September 28, 2008 no gag "Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes"
422 October 5, 2008 Teacher's diet is working Teachers diet is working. "Lost Verizon"
423 October 19, 2008 There's no such month as Rocktober There is no such month as Rocktober "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
424 November 2, 2008 None "Treehouse of Horror XIX"
425 November 9, 2008 I did not see teacher siphoning gas I did not see my teacher siphoning gas. "Dangerous Curves"
426 November 16, 2008 no gag "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
427 November 30, 2008 Prosperity is just around the cornerCouch Gag No.237 Prosperity is just around the corner. (And in the couch gag Bart writes "I will not bring the chalkboard home") "Mypods and Boomsticks"
428 December 7, 2008 Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas. "The Burns and the Bees"
429 January 25, 2009 I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard I will not use permanent

ink on the chalkboard

"Lisa the Drama Queen"
430 February 15, 2009 Simpsons chalkboard gag HDTV is worth every cent. (The episode was the first one in HD) "Take My Life, Please"
431 March 1, 2009 March Madness is not an excuse for missing school "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school. "How the Test Was Won"
432 March 8, 2009 I will not have fun with educational toys "I will not have fun with educational toys." "No Loan Again, Naturally"
433 March 15, 2009 No gag "Gone Maggie Gone"
434 March 22, 2009 Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks. "In the Name of the Grandfather"
435 March 29, 2009 "My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds." "Wedding for Disaster"
436 April 5, 2009 No gag "Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
437 April 19, 2009 "I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone." "The Good, the Sad and the Drugly"
438 April 26, 2009 "I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy." "Father Knows Worst"
439 May 3, 2009 no gag "Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
440 May 10, 2009 no gag "Four Great Women and a Manicure"
441 May 17, 2009 "It's 'Facebook,' not 'Assbook.'" "Coming to Homerica"

Season 21

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
442 September 27, 2009 "The class hamster isn't just sleeping." "Homer the Whopper"
443 October 4, 2009 "Chalkboarding is not torture." "Bart Gets a 'Z'"
444 October 11, 2009 "I am not allergic to long division." "The Great Wife Hope"
445 October 18, 2009 None "Treehouse of Horror XX"
446 November 15, 2009 "I do not have the hots for my mom." "The Devil Wears Nada"
447 November 22, 2009 "Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass." "Pranks and Greens"
448 November 29, 2009 "Teachers' unions are not ruining this country." "Rednecks and Broomsticks"
449 December 13, 2009 no gag "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
450 January 3, 2010 no gag "Thursdays with Abie"
451 January 10, 2010 "The world may end in 2012, but this show won't." "Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
452 January 31, 2010 no gag "Million Dollar Maybe"
453 February 14, 2010 no gag "Boy Meets Curl"
454 February 21, 2010 no gag "The Color Yellow"
455 March 14, 2010 no gag "Postcards From the Wedge"
456 March 21, 2010 "WWII could not beat up WWI" "Stealing First Base"
457 March 28, 2010 no gag "The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
458 April 11, 2010 "Hot dogs are not bookmarks." "American History X-cellent"
459 April 18, 2010 "This counts as gym and art class" "Chief of Hearts"
460 April 25, 2010 "South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared" (The South Park creators had death threats.) "The Squirt and the Whale"
461 May 2, 2010 No Gag "To Surveil With Love"
462 May 9, 2010 "Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present". "Moe Letter Blues"
463 May 16, 2010 "Batman Is Not 'Nothing' Without His Utility Belt" "The Bob Next Door"
464 May 23, 2010 "End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch Us." "Judge Me Tender"

Season 22

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
465 September 26, 2010 "When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio." (reference to Inception) "Elementary School Musical"
466 October 3, 2010 "I did not see Teacher applying for welfare." "Loan-a Lisa"
467 October 10, 2010 MoneyBART opening sequence "I

must not write all over the walls. (Bart wrote all over the classroom)"

"MoneyBART"
468 November 7, 2010 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXI"
469 November 14, 2010 no gag "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
470 November 21, 2010 no gag "The Fool Monty"
471 November 28, 2010 "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is as good as A Charlie Brown Christmas" "How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?"
472 December 5, 2010 no gag "The Fight Before Christmas"
473 December 12, 2010 "Candy canes are not elf bones." "Donnie Fatso"
474 January 9, 2011 "January is not Bart History Month" "Moms I'd Like to Forget"
475 January 16, 2011 no gag "Flaming Moe"
476 January 23, 2011 "Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King" "Homer the Father"
477 February 13, 2011 "I will not make fun of Cupid's dink." "The Blue and the Gray"
478 February 20, 2011 no gag "Angry Dad: The Movie"
479 March 6, 2011 "I'm not here on a Spitball scholar." "The Scorpion's Tale"
480 March 13, 2011 ""Daylight Savings” Is Not a Failed Bank." "A Midsummer's Nice Dream"
481 March 27, 2011 "I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket." "Love is a Many Strangled Thing"
482 April 10, 2011 no gag "The Great Simpsina"
483 May 1, 2011 no gag "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
484 May 8, 2011 "I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"" "Homer Scissorhands"
485 May 15, 2011 "Guinea Pigs Should Not Be Used As "Guinea Pigs"" (on Hulu, it's "It's Kristen Schaal, Not Kristen Schall") "500 Keys"
486 May 22, 2011 no gag "The Ned-liest Catch"

Season 23

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
487 September 25, 2011 no gag "The Falcon and the D'ohman"
488 October 2, 2011 The-Simpsons-s23e02-Its-not-too-early-to-speculate "It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election" "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"
489 October 30, 2011 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXII"
490 November 6, 2011 "It's November 6th. How come we're not airing a Halloween show?" (A reference to t'he Treehouse of Horror series, which usually airs after Halloween.) "Replaceable You"
491 November 13, 2011 no gag "The Food Wife"
492 November 20, 2011 no gag "The Book Job"
493 November 27, 2011 no gag "The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
494 December 4, 2011 "Caucus" is not a dirty word" "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
495 December 11, 2011 "Cafeteria trays are not toboggans" "Holidays of Future Passed"
496 January 8, 2012 "Tintin did not suck suck" "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson"
497 January 15, 2012 "We do need no education" "The D'oh-cial Network"
498 January 29, 2012 "There's no proven link between raisins and boogers." "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches"
499 February 12, 2012 "I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart" "The Daughter Also Rises"
500 February 19, 2012 Barts-earned-a-day-offAt Long Last Leave chalkboard gag Outlands "Bart's earned a day off" (written by Milhouse, and during the episode Bart spray-paints "I *Heart* the breakdown of society", and leaves with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard.) "At Long Last Leave"
501 March 4, 2012 no gag "Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart"
502 March 11, 2012 no gag "How I Wet Your Mother"
503 March 18, 2012 no gag "Them, Robot"
504 April 15, 2012 "The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours" "Beware My Cheating Bart"
505 April 29, 2012 no gag "A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again"
506 May 6, 2012 no gag "The Spy Who Learned Me"
507 May 13, 2012 "Call your mother during the commercials" "Ned 'N Edna's Blend"
508 May 20, 2012 no gag "Lisa Goes Gaga"

Season 24

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
509 September 30, 2012 "I will not wear white after Labor Day" (Bart is actually wearing the white suit) "Moonshine River"
510 October 7, 2012 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXIII"
511 November 4, 2012 no gag "Adventures in Baby-Getting"
512 November 11, 2012 "I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission" (A reference to Rove's panicked appearance on Fox News Channel's preceding election night coverage following the re-election of President Obama) "Gone Abie Gone"
513 November 18, 2012 "I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in" (another joke about that Springfield city is almost in every state.) "Penny-Wiseguys"
514 November 25, 2012 "20 more shoplifting days till Christmas" "A Tree Grows in Springfield"
515 December 9, 2012 no gag "The Day the Earth Stood Cool"
516 December 16,2012 no gag "To Cur, with Love"
517 January 6, 2013 "The teacher did not get fat during the holidays" "Homer Goes to Prep School"
518 January 13,2013 "I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on" "A Test Before Trying"
519 January 27,2013 no gag "The Changing of the Guardian"
520 February 10,2013 "I wasn't nominated for Best Spoken Swear Word" "Love is a Many Splintered Thing"
521 February 17, 2013 "I will not tweet as the principal's toilet" "Hardly Kirk-ing"
522 March 3, 2013 no gag "Gorgeous Grampa"
523 March 10, 2013 "I'm sorry I broke the blackboard" (written on a whiteboard) "Black-eyed Please"
524 March 17, 2013 "Jesus's last words were not 'TGIF'" Dark Knight Court"
525 April 14, 2013 no gag "What Animated Women Want"
526 April 28, 2013 no gag "Pulpit Friction"
527 May 5, 2013 no gag "Whiskey Business"
528 May 12, 2013 "This school is not falling apart" (the blackboard collapses as Bart leaves) "The Fabulous Faker Boy"
529 May 19, 2013 no gag "The Saga of Carl"
530 May 19, 2013 no gag "Dangers on a Train"

Season 25

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
531 September 29, 2013 "25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment" "Homerland"
532 October 6, 2013 "All Work and No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy" "Treehouse of Horror XXIV"
533 November 3, 2013 Four Regrettings and a Funeral (Chalkboard Gag) "We'll really miss you, Mrs. K." (written only once and Bart is sad, in reference to Mrs. Krabappel's voice actress, Marcia Wallace, passing away nine days before this episode aired.) "Four Regrettings and a Funeral"
534 November 10, 2013 "My school schedule does NOT include a bye week." "Yolo"
535 November 17, 2013 "Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember." "Labor Pains"
536 November 24, 2013 no gag "The Kid is All Right"
537 December 8, 2013 "I will stop asking when Santa

goes to the bathroom."

"Yellow Subterfuge"
538 December 15, 2013 "I will not call my teacher 'Prancer' and 'Vixen'." "White Christmas Blues"
539 January 5, 2014 no gag "Steal This Episode"
540 January 12, 2014 "Judas Priest is not 'death metal'." (On premiere; later airings have "If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying.") "Married to the Blob"
541 January 26, 2014 no gag "Specs and the City"
542 March 9, 2014 No gag, instead a bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals "Diggs"
543 March 9, 2014 no gag "The Man Who Grew Too Much"
544 March 16, 2014 "My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's." "The Winter of His Content"
545 March 23, 2014 no gag "The War Of Art"
546 March 30, 2014 no gag "You Don't Have To Live Like A Referee"
547 April 6, 2014 no ga

g

"Luca$"
548 April 13, 2014 no gag "Days of Future Future"
549 April 27, 2014 "April Showers do not bring Matt Lauers." (Hulu showings have "You can't play April Fools jokes on April 27th.") "What to Expect When Bart's Expecting"
550 May 4, 2014 no gag "Brick Like Me"
551 May 11, 2014 no gag "Pay Pal"
552 May 18, 2014 no gag "The Yellow Badge of Cowardge"

Season 26

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
553 September 28, 2014 Clown in the Dumps chalkboard gag "Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die." (This is a reference to the controversy of the marketing for the episode, where it implied that a major character in the series would die in the premiere, with some spotlights implying that Homer would die, when it was instead Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky who dies.) "Clown in the Dumps"
554 October 5, 2014 no gag "The Wreck of the Relationship"
555 October 12, 2014 no gag "Super Franchise Me"
556 October 19, 2014 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXV"
557 November 2, 2014 no gag "Opposites A-Frack"
558 November 9, 2014 no gag "Simpsorama"
559 November 16, 2014 no ga

g

"Blazed and Confused"
560 November 23, 2014 no gag "Covercraft"
561 December 7, 2014 Bartchalkboard "Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken" "I Won't Be Home for Christmas"
562 January 4, 2015 no gag "The Man Who Came to Be Dinner"
563 January 11, 2015 Bart's New Friend -00003 "Snowmen don't have carrot penises" "Bart's New Friend
564 January 25, 2015 no gag "The Musk Who Fell To Earth"
565 February 8, 2015 no gag "Walking Big & Tall"
566 February 15, 2015 My Fare Lady -opening sequence 00005 "Pixel art is not real art" "My Fare Lady
567 March 1, 2015 "The Princess Guide"
568 March 8, 2015 "Sky Police"
569 March 15, 2015 "Waiting for Duffman"
570 April 19, 2015 "Peeping Mom"
571 April 26, 2015 The Kids Are All Fight chalkboard gag "I will not pay my sister to do my punishment" (Lisa is writing and Bart is watching her) "The Kids Are All Fight"
572 May 3, 2015 "Let's Go Fly a Coot"
573 May 10, 2015 "Bull-E"
574 May 17, 2015 Mathlete's Feat 51Mathlete's Feat 52Mathlete's Feat 53 no gag (but during the episode, Bart starts writing "I will not" before the chalkboard is taken away and replaced with an electronic one. Putting the chalk in his pocket, Bart writes "I will not fight the future" with his finger once, then copies it multiple times over and inverts the screen) "Mathlete's Feat"

Season 27

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
575 September 27, 2015 no gag "Every Man's Dream"
576 October 4, 2015 no gag "Cue Detective"
577 October 11, 2015 no gag "Puffless"
578 October 18, 2015 no gag "Halloween of Horror"
579 October 25, 2015 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXVI"
580 November 8, 2015 no gag "Friend with Benefit"
581 November 22, 2015 no gag "Lisa with an "S""
582 December 6, 2015 no gag "Paths of Glory"
583 December 13, 2015 no gag "Barthood"
584 January 3, 2016 no gag "The Girl Code"
585 January 10, 2016 no gag "Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles"
586 January 17, 2016 no gag "Much Apu About Something"
587 February 14, 2016 ChalkgagLoveIsInThe "Hershey Kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt" "Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4"
588 February 21, 2016 no gag "Gal of Constant Sorrow"
589 March 6, 2016 no gag "Lisa the Veterinarian"
590 March 13, 2016 no gag "The Marge-ian Chronicles"
591 April 3, 2016 "If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything." "The Burns Cage"
592 April 10, 2016 "Never lose a bet with Bart Simpson." (Written by Principal Skinner while Bart watches) "How Lisa Got Her Marge Back"
593 April 24, 2016 "Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon." "Fland Canyon"

Season 28

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
597 September 25, 2016 This arm needs Tommy John surgery "This arm needs Tommy John surgery." Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus
598 October 2, 2016 I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in "I will stop using 50% of my NFL lead-in." Friends and Family
599 October 9, 2016 No Image Available no gag The Town
600 October 16, 2016 No Image Available no gag Treehouse of Horror XXVII
601 October 23, 2016 The first episode of the second 600 "The first episode of the second 600." Trust But Clarify
602 November 6, 2016 No Image Available no gag There Will Be Buds
603 November 13, 2016 Being right suck "Being right sucks" (This is a refrence to The Simpsons correctly predicting the results of the 2016 election in the episode "Bart to the Future") Havana Wild Weekend
604 November 20, 2016 Bandicam 2016-12-15 04-44-53-176 "I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping." (FXX's "The Simpsons 600 Marathon" would begin the following week) Dad Behavior
605 December 4, 2016 No Image Available no gag The Last Traction Hero
606 December 11, 2016 No Image Available no gag The Nightmare After Krustmas
607 January 8, 2017 No Image Available no gag Pork and Burns
608/609 January 15, 2017
No Image Available
no gag The Great Phatsby
610 February 12, 2017
FatzcarraldoChkBrd
"If we're so good at predicting, how come my dad bet on Atlanta?" (This references the New England Patriots' comeback win in Super Bowl LXII) Fatzcarraldo
611 February 19, 2017
No Image Available
no gag The Cad and the Hat
612 March 5, 2017
KmpKrustirChkBrd
"We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up." Kamp Krustier
613 March 12, 2017
No Image Available
no gag 22 For 30
614 March 19, 2017
FathersWatchChalkboard
"Studying is not 'appropriating nerd culture'." A Father's Watch
615 April 2, 2017
No Image Available
no gag The Caper Chase
616 April 30, 2017
No Image Available
no gag Looking for Mr. Goodbart
617 May 7, 2017
No Image Available
no gag Moho House
618 May 21, 2017
S28e22 10
"Thank you for 28 great years...Taylor Swift." Dogtown

In non-Simpsons media