|Lisa the Vegetarian||
- Big Bad Wolf: Come out, Come out or I'll blow your house in.
- 3 Little Pigs: Not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin.
- Bart: What a load of crappy crap crap.
- Baby Bear: Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.
- Grampa: (being Goldilocks) Well, I'm sorry, but it was 150 degrees in the car.
- Little Lamb: (worried) Li-i-i-sa, I thought you lov-v-v-ved me! LOV-V-V-V-V-VE ME!
- [After visiting Storytown Village, Lisa finds herself unable to eat the lamb chops that Marge serves for dinner]
- Lisa: I can't eat this. I can't eat a poor little lamb. [pushes her plate away]
- Homer: Lisa, get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not a lamb.
- Lisa: What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?
- Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler! [takes a big bite]
- Homer: Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
- Lisa: No.
- Homer: Ham?
- Lisa: No.
- Homer: Pork chops?
- Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
- Homer: [chuckling] Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
- [At Springfield Elementary School, the second grade is dissecting worms and Ralph has a problem]
- Ralph: Um, Miss Hoover?
- Miss Hoover: Yes, Ralph, what is it?
- Ralph: My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one?
- Miss Hoover: No, Ralph, there aren't any more. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
- Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
- [At the cafeteria lunch line, Lisa has a problem with the menu]
- Lisa: Uh, excuse me? Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
- Lunchlady Doris: Possibly the meat loaf.
- Lisa: Well, I believe you're required to provide a vegetarian alternative.
- [Doris picks up a hot dog, shakes the wiener out, and slaps the bun down on Lisa's tray]
- Doris: Yum. It's rich in bunly goodness.
- Lisa: [dryly] Do you remember when you lost your passion for this work?
- [Lunchlady Doris secretly sets off the Independent Thought Alarm, which leads all the way to Principal Skinner's office.]
- Principal Skinner: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
- Groundskeeper Willie: [slamming his fist angrily on Skinner's desk] I warned ye! Didn't I warn ye?!? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!
- Troy McClure: If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.
- Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?’ I’m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
- (Bart dances in)
- Bart: (musically) You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! (Homer joins) You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! (Marge joins) You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
- Lisa: Mom!
- Marge: I didn't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.
- [At Homer's barbecue, Lisa steals the pig, using the riding lawnmower to push the grill out of the yard and up a steep slope, while Homer and Bart chase after her. When Lisa gets to the top of the slope, the grill starts rolling downhill, building up speed. Homer and Bart now chase after the grill, while it rolls into a street and through a hedge]
- Homer: It's just a little dirty. It's still good, it's still good!
- [Homer and Bart keep running after the grill. The grill rolls into traffic (miraculously missing every car) and crashes into a bridge railing. The pig keeps going and ends up splashing into the river.]
- Homer: It's just a little slimy. It's still good, it's still good!
- [The pig floats downstream to a dam where it gets caught in the spillway, blocking it. Water builds up behind the pig until the pressure pushes the pig the rest of the way through the spillway, blasting it into the sky. Homer and Bart watch from on top of the dam.]
- Homer: It's just a little airborne. It's still good, it's still good!
- Bart: [crestfallen] It's gone.
- Homer: [even more crestfallen] I know.
- Mr. Burns and Smithers are in Burns' office, looking out the window]
- Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage ... when pigs fly!
- [Burns and Smithers laugh. Then, they notice Homer's pig soar by.]
- Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
- Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.
- [At school, the other kids tease Lisa about her vegetarianism]
- Sherri and Terri: Look, it's Mrs. Potato Head! She has a head made out of lettuce!
- Ralph: I can't believe I used to go out with you.
- Janey: Are you going to marry a carrot, Lisa?
- Lisa: [sarcastically] Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot.
- Sherri and Terri: Ooh! She admitted it! She admitted she's going to marry a carrot!
- [Lisa visits Apu and meets Paul and Linda McCartney, and finally finds some understanding of her vegetarianism.]
- Paul McCartney: Linda and I both feel strongly about animal rights. In fact, if you play 'Maybe I'm Amazed' backwards, you'll hear a recipe for a really ripping lentil soup.
- Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese?
- Apu: Oh, cheese!
- Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu?
- Apu: No, I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
- Lisa: Oh, then you must think I'm a monster!
- Apu: Yes, indeed, I do think that. But I learned long ago, Lisa, to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always. It's like Paul's song, 'Live and Let Live.'
- Paul McCartney: Actually, it was 'Live and Let Die'.
- Apu: Whatever, whatever. It had a good rhythm.
- [In the middle of the street...]
- Homer: Lisa! Come back before everyone finds out what a horrible father I am!