|Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life||
- Lisa: That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.
- Bart: You punch really good.
- Nelson: You think?
- Bart: Oh yeah and you always avoid the face around picture day. People really appreciate that.
- Nelson: Hey, those memories are forever.
- Bart: You really care man. A lot of bullies just phone it in. *cough* Kearney *cough*
- Lisa: I'll study so hard I'll make the old me look like Bart.
- Homer: That'd be one weird looking kid.
- Homer: Oh, I'm sorry, Maggie, but even at your age, I'm sure you understand that things can't always go your way. And that's why I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DIDN'T GET THAT STUPID ELF! (He cries and Maggie is sad)
- Lisa: Lord Buddha, I know I'm not supposed to want stuff, but come on!
- Principal Skinner: You yell at me about everything.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Well I can't yell at anyone else. Teachers have unions. Students have parents.
- Principal Skinner: What about Willie?
- Superintendent Chalmers: I like Willie.
- Principal Skinner: Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have is throwing cold water on young children's dreams. Ralph, you're not a kangaroo.
- Principal Skinner: Buying trophies from those cash-strapped schools really filled out the case.
- Lisa: Someday when I'm a grownup, maybe I'll go back and look fondly at our house.
- Bart: We'll stop in and say hi to me because I'll still be there chilling in my basement bachelor pad.
- Homer: Make sure to water my backyard grave.
- Bart: As long as I can dig you up and stick you on the front porch every Halloween.
- Homer: Just don't dress me up as a woman.
- Bart: We'll see.
- Selma: What a cheap date.
- Moe: I'm not cheap, baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.
- Homer: No child of mine will go without anything. Ever. Except quality health care.
- Krusty: Mousy and Catsy! Aren't they great?
- Homer: Maggie, you can't climb into the TV. If you could, I'd make Alex Trebek answer some questions.
- Marge: That's odd. Lisa just threw her saxophone out the window!
- Homer: Oh, that's probably because to her, the saxophone is a me and she doesn't want to end up like you! Good night!
- Marge: She doesn't want to end up like me?
- Homer: No, she does! totally, but uh... with a happier ending! Good night!
- Marge: What's so wrong with me?
- Homer: Nothing sweetie, nothing. Here, let me explain: She does not want to... turn out like... you... didn't... not until... diplomatic... trapped... Help! Remember nothing! (claps twice)
- Marge: (sad) I remember everything.
- Homer: Well, If you check your purse I think you'll find... The seven of clubs!
- Marge: (checks her purse) No, just a picture of Lisa, who wants to be nothing like me.
- Homer: (hugging her) I'm so sorry, Marge. (he tries to put the seven of clubs in her purse, but she observes him)
- (Lisa and Bart are preparing to go to school)
- Lisa: Which kind of kiss did you get?
- Bart: Normal, and you?
- Lisa: Ice cold.
- Bart: You're just imagining things!
- Lisa: Oh, yeah? (compares their lunchboxes. Bart's have a heart drawn and Lisa's just says "Contents: Lunch". Bart takes a note out of his lunchbox, saying "I love you")
- Bart: What does you note say? (Lisa takes out a playing card from her lunchbox)
- Lisa: The Seven of clubs?
- Homer: Ta-dah!