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Lisa's Substitute/Quotes

< Lisa's Substitute

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Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
Brush with Greatness
Lisa's Substitute
The War of the Simpsons
(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
Bart: …and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
All: EWW!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
All: EWWWWW!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
(The whole classroom screams)

Mr. Bergstrom is leading the second grade in a rendition of "Home on the Range"
Janey: (Laughing) Lisa, look at this!
Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of Mr. Bergstrom singing.
Caricature #1: [THE SINGING DORK]
Lisa is caught by Mr. Bergstrom.
Mr. Bergstrom: Did you draw this?
Lisa: No, of course not! Uh, although now I almost wish I did.
Mr. Bergstrom: I like it. I was going to request if I may have it.
Lisa: Oh sure!
Lisa gives caricature to Mr. Bergstrom, who continues the song.
Janey: (whispering) Lisa, look at this!
Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of herself singing.
Caricature #2: [THE SINGING DORKETTE]

Lisa sees Miss Hoover has returned.
Lisa: Where is Mr. Bergstrom?!
Miss Hoover: I do not know, but I would sure like to have words with him!
Miss Hoover: He didn't touch my lesson plan. What did he teach you?
Lisa: That life is worth living.

Miss Hoover: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard) psychosomatic.
Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
Janey: No, that means she was faking it.
Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both.

Lisa: I'm glad I'm not crying. Cause I'd hate for you to think that what I'm about to say is based on emotion. But you, sir, are a baboon!
Homer: (gasp) Me?
Lisa: Yes, you! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!
Homer: I don't think you realize what you're saying…
Lisa: BABOON!

Homer: Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying 'cause you called daddy a baboon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Nuts. I know you are sad because you lost a man you care about. I cannot relate because everyone I care about is under this roof. In a way I consider myself lucky. If you want think I am a baboon, I can be one.
Homer makes monkey noises and apes about Lisa's bedroom, which makes her laugh.
Homer: So are we all well?
Lisa: Yes, Dad.
Bart's bedroom. He is angrily throwing a rubber ball against the wall.
Bart: (talking to himself) Stupid Martin Prince!
Homer enters bedroom.
Homer: Bart, does the class president get paid?
Bart: No.
Homer: Does he have to do extra work?
Bart: Yes.
Homer: And is this Martin Prince going to get to do anything neat, like throw out the first ball at the World Series?
Bart: Hell no!
Homer: So let the baby have his bottle! That is what I always tell myself.
Bart: Thanks, Dad.


Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud

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