- (Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
- Bart: …and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
- All: EWW!!
- Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
- All: EWWWWW!
- Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
- Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
- Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
- (The whole classroom screams)
- Mr. Bergstrom is leading the second grade in a rendition of "Home on the Range"
- Janey: (Laughing) Lisa, look at this!
- (Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of Mr. Bergstrom singing)
- Caricature #1: [THE SINGING DORK]
- (Lisa is caught by Mr. Bergstrom)
- Mr. Bergstrom: Did you draw this?
- Lisa: No, of course not! Uh, although now I almost wish I did.
- Mr. Bergstrom: I like it. I was going to request if I may have it.
- Lisa: Oh sure!
- (Lisa gives caricature to Mr. Bergstrom, who continues the song)
- Janey: (whispering) Lisa, look at this!
- (Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of herself singing)
- Caricature #2: [THE SINGING DORKETTE]
- (Lisa sees Miss Hoover has returned)
- Lisa: Where is Mr. Bergstrom?!
- Miss Hoover: I do not know, but I would sure like to have words with him!
- Miss Hoover: He didn't touch my lesson plan. What did he teach you?
- Lisa: That life is worth living.
- Miss Hoover: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard) psychosomatic.
- Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
- Janey: No, that means she was faking it.
- Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both.
- Lisa: I'm glad I'm not crying. Cause I'd hate for you to think that what I'm about to say is based on emotion. But you, sir, are a baboon!
- Homer: (gasp) Me?
- Lisa: Yes, you! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!
- Homer: I don't think you realize what you're saying…
- Lisa: BABOON! (starts crying and goes up to her room)
- Homer: Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying 'cause you called daddy a baboon?
- Lisa: No!
- Homer: Nuts. I know you are sad because you lost a man you care about. I cannot relate because everyone I care about is under this roof. In a way I consider myself lucky. I can fix your dollhouse because I'm good at monkey work.
- (Homer makes monkey noises and apes about Lisa's bedroom, which makes her laugh)
- Lisa: I'm sorry I called you a baboon, Dad.
- Homer: Think nothing of it, honey. (rubs noses with Lisa, hugs, and kisses her)
- (Enter Bart's bedroom. He is angrily throwing a rubber ball against the wall)
- Bart: (talking to himself) Stupid Martin Prince!
- (Homer enters bedroom)
- Homer: Hey, what's wrong son?
- Bart: Aw, Dad, if only me, Milhouse and Lewis had voted, I would be class president.
- Homer: Bart, does the class president get paid?
- Bart: No.
- Homer: Does he have to do extra work?
- Bart: Yes.
- Homer: And is this Martin Prince going to get to do anything neat, like throw out the first ball at the World Series?
- Bart: Hell no!
- Homer: So let the baby have his bottle! That is what I always tell myself.
- Bart: Thanks, Monkey man.
- (Homer looks in Maggie's room. Maggie is having trouble while she's sleeping. Homer sees that her pacifier is not in her mouth, so he puts the pacifier in her mouth to help her sleep.)
|◄ Season 1||Season 2 Quotes||Season 3 ►|
|Bart Gets an "F" • Simpson and Delilah • Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish • Dancin' Homer • Dead Putting Society • Bart vs. Thanksgiving • Bart the Daredevil • Itchy & Scratchy & Marge • Bart Gets Hit by a Car • One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish • The Way We Was • Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment • Principal Charming • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? • Bart's Dog Gets an F • Old Money • Brush with Greatness • Lisa's Substitute • The War of the Simpsons • Three Men and a Comic Book • Blood Feud|