|Last Tap Dance in Springfield||
- Vicki Valentine: You've just got to turn that frown upside-down! (Lisa smiles) That's a smile, not an upside-down frown! Work on that, too!
- Milhouse: The mall?
- Bart: Yeah, it's just like my dad always says:
- Homer: (in a thought balloon) For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all!
- (Bart runs to the mall, leaving Milhouse behind)
- Milhouse: What? What did he say?!
- Kearney: (Imitating Marge while driving Homer's car as he can't see) Now, Homie, when we get to the liquor store, buy me some Jack Daniels and a carton of smokes.
- Homer: Yes, dear.
- (Dolph and Jimbo snicker and exchange a high five)
- Professor Frink: Jesus, Mary, and Glavin!
- Professor Frink: These shoes are in the off position!
- Lisa: You mean I danced all by myself?
- Marge: See, honey? All you needed was to believe--
- Homer: (interrupts Marge) What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're clearly in the on position. See? "On".
- Professor Frink: I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
- Homer: Oh...oh! Well, now that I look even closer--
- Lisa: (interrupts Homer) Forget it, Dad.
- Vicky Valentine: We all do crazy things when we're desperate. I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating.
- Lisa: Why?
- Vicky Valentine: He knows why.
- Mexican Milhouse: Qué malo, once again I must sugar my own churro.
- Vicky Valentine: I'm ever so pissed!
- Milhouse: I don't want to go home. My grandma's sleeping in my bed and she has skin like a basketball.
- Marge: Well, looks like we got everything for Bart's camping trip: Blair Witch repellent, antler saw, and deep wood Scrabble.
- Marge: Come on, Bart. While your dad gets his glasses, we'll go shop for your trip.
- Bart: Oh, I hate shopping. Just get me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need from the other kids.
- Marge: But you need to try things on. Every brand has a different idea of husky.
- Bart: (lies on the floor) I'm in tantrum position. T-minus five, four, three…remembering dead cat for real tears, and... (starts sobbing)
- Marge: Fine, you win. I'll do your shopping for you.
- Bart: Tantrum averted. But now I can't forget the cat! (sobbing)
- (While Homer is having his eye exam at Eye Caramba)
- Eye doctor: Now read the first line.
- Homer: I...ate...pee-pee.
- Bart: (laughs)
- Homer: Why, you little! (strangles Bart)
- Eye doctor: (changes lens from a bad lens to a worse lens on the phoropter) Better or worse?
- Homer: (while strangling Bart and looking through the phoropter) Worse!
- Eye doctor: (changes lens from the worse lens to a sharper lens on the phoropter) Better or worse?
- Homer: (while strangling Bart) Much...better!
- Bart: Dad!
- Ralph: Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad!
- Marge: I remember Little Vicki Valentine. Her perky smile and dancing brought America right out of the depression.
- Lisa: Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom.
- Marge: Don't smart mouth, Lisa.
- Milhouse: [to Bart] The mall?
- Bart: Yeah, it's just like my dad always says...
- Homer: [in a thought balloon] For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all!
- [Bart runs to the mall, leaving Milhouse behind]
- Milhouse: What? What did he say?!
- Stan: [singing to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands"] If you're happy and you know it shop at Stan's. Giant discounts on your favorite major brands.
- Mall Guy: [when he and the police see the mess Milhouse and Bart made in the mall] Oh, my God! Look at this place! How could this happen? Candy chewed, wigs pulled from stands, cheese packages poked and repoked.
- Chief Wiggum: Every sign points to one obvious culprit: a giant rat. [Bart and Milhouse look at each other, relieved] You'll have to shut down the mall.
- Mall Guy: On President's Day weekend? Are you crazy?
- Chief Wiggum: Crazy with concern for the public, yes. Now shut this place down before the old folks come in for their morning walk. [Grampa, Agnes, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick and Jasper want to come in, but Lou takes Old Jewish Man's walker and uses it as a door barricade]
- Lisa: What am I doing wrong, Little Vicki?
- Vicki: Well, you're falling a lot. Maybe you should work on that.
- Lisa: Yeah, well, no offense, but maybe I need a little more instruction that just "tappa-tappa-tappa".
- Vicki: Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa. I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.
- Homer: Hey, we got a postcard from Bart. "Dear Mom and Homer, I'm having fun." Aw, it sounds like he's havin' fun!
- Marge: [takes the postcard] Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn?
- Homer: Didn't you ever go to camp? The old Vitamin Barn.
- Professor Frink: Excuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear your nerdly predicament. Maybe I can be of assistance with the dancing and the twisting and the [singing] kung fu fighting. Deedle-deedle dee dee doo.
- Lou: Well, well. Looks like the cat got the rat.
- Chief Wiggum: And that's the end of that..."tail". [brushes his hands off]
- Eddie: Uh, Chief, should we try and get the mountain lion back in its crate?
- Chief Wiggum: I repeat: [brushes his hands off]
- Professor Frink: [to the audience as Lisa's dancing] Stop the clapping, you'll kill us all!
- Vicky Valentine: [to Lisa when she's dancing on stage] Nobody upstages Little Vicky! Hissss!
- Vicky Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class?
- The Class: Communism.
- Vicky Valentine: That's right. And I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the allies 'till my shoes filled with blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the reds.