Marge: See, honey? All you needed was to believe--
Homer: What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're clearly in the on position. See? "On".
Professor Frink: I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
Homer: Oh... oh! Well, now that I look even closer--
Lisa: Forget it, Dad.
Vicky: We all do crazy things when we're desperate. I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating.
Vicky: He knows why.
Mexican Milhouse: Qué malo, once again I must sugar my own churro.
Ralph: My daddy shoots people!
Vicky: I'm ever so pissed!
Milhouse: I don't want to go home. My grandma's sleeping in my bed and she has skin like a basketball.
Marge: Well, looks like we got everything for Bart's camping trip: Blair Witch repellent, antler saw, and deep wood Scrabble.
Marge: Come on, Bart. While your dad gets his glasses, we'll go shop for your trip.
Bart: [groan] I hate shopping. Just get me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need from the other kids.
Marge: But you need to try things on. Every brand has a different idea of husky.
Bart: [lies on the floor] I'm in tantrum position. T-minus five, four, three… remembering dead cat for real tears.. [starts sobbing]
Marge: Fine, you win. I'll do your shopping for you.
Bart: Tantrum averted ... but now I can't forget the cat! [sobbing]
(While Homer is having his eye exam)
Homer: Why, you little! (strangles Bart)
Eye doctor: Better or worse?
Homer: (looks at Bart choking through the lenses) Worse!
Eye doctor: Better or worse?!
Homer: (while strangling Bart) Much...better!
Ralph: Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad!
Marge: I remember Little Vicki Valentine. Her perky smile and dancing brought America right out of the depression.
Lisa: Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom.
Marge: Don't smart mouth, Lisa.
Milhouse: [to Bart] The mall?
Bart: Yeah, it's just like my dad always says...
Homer: [in a thought balloon] For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all!
[Bart runs to the mall, leaving Milhouse behind]
Milhouse: What? What did he say?!
Stan: [singing to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands"] If you're happy and you know it shop at Stan's. Giant discounts on your favorite major brands.
Mall Guy: [when he and the police see the mess Milhouse and Bart made in the mall] Oh, my God! Look at this place! How could this happen? Candy chewed, wigs pulled from stands, cheese packages poked and repoked.
Chief Wiggum: Every sign points to one obvious culprit: a giant rat. [Bart and Milhouse look at each other, relieved] You'll have to shut down the mall.
Mall Guy: On President's Day weekend? Are you crazy?
Chief Wiggum: Crazy with concern for the public, yes. Now shut this place down before the old folks come in for their morning walk. [Grampa, Agnes, Crazy Old Man, Mrs. Glick, and Jasper want to come in, but Lou takes Crazy Old Man's walker and uses it as a door barricade]
Lisa: What am I doing wrong, Little Vicki?
Vicki: Well, you're falling a lot. Maybe you should work on that.
Lisa: Yeah, well, no offense, but maybe I need a little more instruction that just "tappa-tappa-tappa".
Vicki: Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa. I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.
Homer: Hey, we got a postcard from Bart. "Dear Mom and Homer, I'm having fun." Aw, it sounds like he's havin' fun!
Marge: [takes the postcard] Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn?
Homer: Didn't you ever go to camp? The old Vitamin Barn.
Professor Frink: Excuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear your nerdly predicament. Maybe I can be of assistance with the dancing and the twisting and the [singing] kung fu fighting. Deedle-deedle dee dee doo.
Lou: Well, well. Looks like the cat got the rat.
Chief Wiggum: And that's the end of that ... "tail". [brushes his hands off]
Eddie: Uh, Chief, should we try and get the mountain lion back in its crate?
Chief Wiggum: I repeat: [brushes his hands off]
Professor Frink: [to the audience as Lisa's dancing] Stop the clapping, you'll kill us all!
Vicky: [to Lisa when she's dancing on stage] Nobody upstages Little Vicky! Hissss!
Vicky: I'm sorry Lisa but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again class?
The Class: Communism.
Vicky: That's right. And I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the allies 'till my shoes filled with blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the reds.