- Milhouse: Sweet Valley High!
- Lisa: Dad, you're getting paint on your wedding ring.
- Homer: Oh, right can you hold it?
- Lisa: This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tin foil.
- Homer: My real ring's inside a turtle.
- Radio Announcer: You're listening to Radio Disney. Your favorite songs rewritten for babies.
- Baha Men (to the tune of "Who Let the Dogs Out"): Who let the milk out?
- Marge: (sings along) Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Dad left the milk out! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
- Homer: Why would I want Purina when I've got Fancy Feast right here?
- Marge: That doesn't sound very reassuring.
- Milhouse: Teletubbies get away with more than this!
- Krusty [to Stampy]: Hey, elephant, I've got one word for you: Columbo! No, that's not it. Modesto! Daktari? Nintendo?
- Chief Wiggum: Sorry, ma'am. We don't negotiate with elephants!
- Lisa: (seeing Marge with the breast implants) Mom! What happened? Your endowment's bigger than Harvard's!
- [When Chief Wiggum, Lou, and Eddie are prepared to shoot Stampy]
- Chief Wiggum: Aim for the big hose coming out of its face.
- Lou: You mean the trunk?
- Chief Wiggum: Easy there, college boy.
- Bart (singing): I got Krusty in hot water, now I've got to help him out!
- Homer: Shut up, boy.
- Bart: I don't get a song? Mom got a song!
- Homer: With the economy the way it is, you're lucky you get soup.
- Homer: I came out of the elephant's mouth, right? Because I already showered once today.
- Marge: Hey, cops! Check out this all points bulletin! (takes off her top and flashes the crowd)
- Krusty: (looks at Marge's implants) Whoa! Look at those mugumbos!
- Marge: Manjula, remember when Apu cheated on you?
- Manjula: Yes, thank you!
- Marge: I'm worried Homer might do the same thing. What would make a husband lose interest like that?
- Manjula: What I do now, I do is your dearest friend. Look at this fat! Look at it!
- Marge: Oh my God! Is that me?
- Manjula: Most assurely, yes.
- Bart: Hi, Krusty.
- Krusty: How did you get in here?
- Bart: The doorman died.
- Krusty: Oh, no! He was my agent!
- Bart: Look, I've got a plan that can make the world fall in love with Krusty the Clown again.
- Krusty: It's too late. I've given up.