|Lard of the Dance||
- Alex: Calm down, Lisa. DMY.
- Lisa: What's DMY?
- Alex: Don't mess yourself.
- Lisa: Eew.
- Alex: Yeah, that's why we changed it to DMY.
- Homer: Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
- Marge: With cans of grease?
- Homer: (sarcastically) No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease!
- Nelson: Hey, Blindy! Have a nice trip!
- Ralph: (falls down after Nelson trips him in the hallway) Aaaaahh!
- Nelson: Ha-ha!
- Alex: Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
- Lisa: Did she just tell me to shut up?
- Principal Skinner: Take it outside.
- Lisa: So there I am, being nice to Alex, and she takes all of my friends and ditches me!
- Marge: I'm sure they didn't ditch you, honey. Maybe they went off to plan a surprise party for you.
- Bart: (laughs) Yeah! (laughs) Good one, Mom!
- Lisa: They only like her because she acts so grown up with her perfume and her cell phone and...Oh! Get this, Mom! She drinks iced tea.
- Homer: Lisa, I can't imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently, this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.
- Lisa: But, Dad...
- Homer: Uh-uh! Think, "Is that what Alex would say?"
- Bart: When you want grease, go to the source. Good ol' Krusty Burger.
- Homer: Oh, I'll say! Look at that red-headed kid. There must be twenty dollars worth of grease on his forehead alone.
- Bart: I was thinking more of the deep-fryer.
- Homer: All right, we'll try it your way.
- Homer: Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done. Including my muscle-for-hire business.
- Marge: My poor Homie. Couldn't you try some other far-out money-making scheme?
- Homer: Aww, what's the point?
- Marge: You could raise some emus.
- Homer: Emus? Really? Ooh, that's pretty crazy. Nah, I'd only fail, just like I fail at everything.
- Bart: Hey, Dad, I've been thinking. What if instead of givin' up on grease, we go for one last big score?
- Homer: Wait a minute. The boy's right! I can't quit now! (hugs Bart) Aww, you always know just what to say to cheer me up. (to Marge) Emu farm? (laughs) You're priceless, Marge!
- Homer: All right, son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our heads in prayer. [Homer and Bart fold their hands and bow their heads] Dear Lord, I know You're busy, seeing as how You can watch women changing clothes and all that, but if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
- Bart: Dad, He's not stupid.
- Homer: All right, screw it! Let's roll!
- Milhouse: Oh, hi, Lisa! Did you have a nice summer? Don't you hate that we have to go back to stupid school tomorrow?
- Lisa: I like school.
- Milhouse: Me too! We have so much in common.
- Lisa: You have a pen glued to your cowlick.
- Milhouse: If you don't like it, it's gone! [tries to pull it out and he rips out a clump of blue hair] Do you want this?
- Lisa: No.
- Homer: Yo, Apu! Give me the usual.
- Apu: Yes, sir! One Kwik-E-Dog, one bubblegum cigar, and the latest issue of "Success" magazine.
- Homer: Mmm ... Hey, this hot dog tastes different.
- Apu: Yes, I just cleaned off the machine, sir. So the snack you are enjoying has not been soaking in putrid grease.
- Homer: Yeah, but without the grease all you can taste is the hog anus!
- Apu: I'm so sorry, but I sold it all to the rendering plant.
- Homer: People buy grease?
- Apu: Oh, yes, they use it to make products such as soap, cosmetics, baby food ...
- Homer: Used grease is worth money? [gasps] Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold! I'm rich Apu! Rich, I ...aaggh! [clenches his heart, then sighs] Money in the bank.
- Lisa: Come on, Bart, the bus is here.
- Homer [to Bart]: Where do you think you're going?
- Bart: It's the first day of school!
- Homer: Not for you it isn't. You're in the grease business now!
- Principal Skinner: Attention, please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore. [Lisa raises her hand] Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? Thank you, Lisa.
- Alex: [talking on her cell phone] Oh, yeah, like I'd be seen with a Discover card.
- Lisa: [to Alex] You'll want a locker in this hallway. It's library adjacent. [notices Alex spraying herself] Is that perfume?
- Alex: Oh, don't be such a Phoebe! It's "Pretension" by Calvin Klein. Wanna try some? [sprays it and Lisa coughs] Okay, so what's the haps in Springfield? What do you guys, like, do for fun?
- Lisa: Well, you'll definitely want to get yourself a good doll. The new Malibu Stacey has an achievable chest!
- Alex: Dolls, really? Okay, what else you got?
- Lisa: Oh, jacks, jacks are big. They went out for a while, but then they came roaring back, heh, heh.
- Alex: Oh, you mean that game with the little rubber ball?
- Lisa: Oh, don't worry, you'll pick it up fast. Once you get to foursies, you're in the zone!
- Milhouse: Oh, Lisa! I've got an extra seat, and you've got an extra lunch. (chuckles) Catch my drift? (chuckles)
- Principal Skinner: Milhouse! Lower those eyebrows! (Milhouse lowers one eyebrow) And the other one! (Milhouse lowers the other one)
- Alex [to Lisa]: Oh, there you are! Listen, I'm sorry I ran out on you yesterday, but the girls couldn't wait to show me that tree.
- Lisa: Huh, don't give it a second thought, huh, I didn't.
- Alex: Anyway, I got you a little present. [hands Lisa some earrings]
- Lisa: Oh! Earrings! Wow, thanks so much, Alex! Oh, but these are for pierced ears.
- Terri: Yeah! Aren't they great?
- Sherri: Alex did ours.
- Alex: Yeah, all you need is a thumbtack and a whole lot of paper towels.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, Lisa, I was hoping I could count on you again to spearhead our annual school-wide apple pick.
- Lisa: Absolutely.
- Alex: Apple... pick?
- Lisa: Yeah, it's great! We have pony rides, sing-a-longs, apple bobbing, apple picking, apple everything!
- Principal Skinner: Ah, you forgot apple bobbing.
- Lisa: No, I didn't.
- Bart: Mom's gonna kill you.
- Homer: If she didn't want her car ruined, she should've done a better job hiding her keys.
- [When Lisa, Alex, and her friends go to “Dingo Junction,” Lisa is holding a black dress]
- Lisa: I am not wearing this.
- Alex: Oh, come on, Lisa. It's totally you. Just, you know, add some accessories, lip gloss, maybe drop 5 pounds ...
- Lisa: Aren't we a little young for make-up, and ... what do you mean, five pounds?
- Janey: Well you want to look nice for your date.
- Lisa: Date?
- Alex: Hello? For the dance.
- Lisa: You guys have dates?
- Sherri: Hello?
- Lisa: Stop saying "hello"!
- Nelson: The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned. [Principal Skinner walks up] Nuh, um ... uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass. [Principal Skinner nods and leaves] Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.
- [Lisa is all dressed up in a black dress, platform shoes, and earrings]
- Wendell: Hi, Lisa.
- Nelson: Are you all right?
- Lisa: No doubt! Can't a girl fabulize herself before the big dance?
- Nelson: Your earlobe's bleeding.
- Lisa: [covers up her ear] Oh. So, I guess major muffins like yourselves all have dates, huh?
- Wendell: You better believe it.
- Lisa: Really? All of you?
- Database: Uh, we all have dates, Lisa.
- Lewis: Everyone does.
- Ralph: Even me!
- Milhouse: [to Lisa] I'm free next weekend! There's plenty of Milhouse to go around!
- Marge: Lisa! I made you some homemade Pepsi for the dance! It's a little thick, but the price is right!
- Lisa: Thanks, Mom, but I told you I'm not going.
- Marge: Oooh, so you don't have a date. You can still go and have a wonderful time.
- Lisa: You don't understand, I don't belong there. The other girls are already into fashion and make-up and dating ...they make me feel like a little baby.
- Marge: [hugs Lisa] Aw, honey, a baby couldn't have organized a big school dance. Unless, it was especially skilled or one of those super-babies from Brazil.
- Lisa: Forget it Mom, I'm not going.
- Marge: But they're counting on you to take tickets. And if you sit there with a brave little smile and a festive bow …why you could be the belle of the ball!
- Lisa: Mom, you can't possibly believe that.
- Marge: I have to, honey. Or, you can stay here, and we'll have our own dance. [sings to C&C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now] Every Simpson dance now! Bump, bump, bump ...
- Lisa: I'll go.