|Lady Bouvier's Lover||
- (after having danced with Mr.Burns in a Nightclub)
- Jacqueline: Why Monty, you're the devil himself.
- Mr. Burns: WHO TOLD YOU THA- oh yes. Excellent.
- Bart: (imitates Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
- Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!
- Marge: I have a neat idea. Why don't you get my mother and we can go out to dinner?
- Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
- Marge: That's not my mother!
- Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (leaves again)
- Old Lady: Can I come too? (Homer rolls up his car window) (sadly) Oh.
- Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
- Marge: Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?
- Grampa: I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!
- Grampa: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.
- Marge: [about Mr. Burns] He's an awful, awful, awful man! But I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters.
- Homer: That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that moneys.
- (Bart answers the door)
- Deliveryman #1: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
- Bart: That's me.
- Deliveryman #1: (punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
- (The doorbell rings Bart answers it)
- Squeaky-voiced Teen: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
- Bart: Uh that's me.
- Squeaky-voiced Teen: (punches Bart in the face) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
- (The doorbell rings)
- Deliveryman #2: (through the door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh.. special delivery for you.
- Bart: Go away.
- Deliveryman #2: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson, I cannot give you your special delivery.
- (Bart sees it's his animation cell that he ordered)
- Deliveryman #2: Here's your special delivery.
- Bart: Thanks...
- Deliveryman #2: (punches Bart in the face) And that's for keeping me waiting.
- Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
- Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!
- Homer: Maggie, can you point to the monkey? [Maggie points at Homer] Pfft, what do babies know.
- Lisa: Maggie, can you point to the credenza? [Maggie correctly points at the credenza]
- Homer: D'OH!
- Marge: Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
- Homer: What, it's not Magaggie's birthday? [pauses and looks at the incorrectly-frosted cake] Oh. [removes the extra A and G, followed by the other letters in "MAGAGGIE", and eats them]
- Marge: Hey, hey, hey! Stop it! I made a special cake for you to ruin. It's over there. [points at a cake covered in various letters]
- Homer: Ooh. [starts removing and eating the letters]
- Patty: Hello everyone except Homer.
- (Matlock gets a defibrillator used on him)
- Jasper: What's the matter, Abe? All week you were talking about meeting Matlock, now you've met him, swiped his pills...
- (An ambulance drives past)
- Paramedic: Clear!
- Homer: If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And our kids will be horrible freak things with pink skin with no overbites, and five fingers on each hand! [imagines Bart, Lisa and Maggie turning from yellow "monsters" to white humans.]
- Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]
- Homer: [Screams]
- Grampa: I feel all funny [gasps] I'm in love-- no wait, it's a stroke.
- [He's sent to hospital by ambulance, Abe recovers]
- Grampa: NO WAIT IT IS LOVE! [the ambulance stops and ditches him to a highway]. IT IS LOOOVE!!!... [rolls away to the busy traffic.]