Grampa: If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match?
Gretchen: Do you have a cell phone?
Homer: Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home.
Homer: Um, I don't know how to tell you this, but your baby doesn't have any legs!
Homer: Oh wait, there's more.
(Maggie slaps Homer Jr.)
Homer: Now Maggie, we don't hurt each other in this family.
Bart: Are you nuts? You can't even kiss me goodnight without slicing me with your stubble.
Homer: Why you little! I'll give you a goodnight kiss you'll never forget! Grr! Come here you! (picks up Bart and begins rubbing his stubble on Bart as he screams in pain)
Homer: Girls are great and terrible at the same time.
Homer: (as the end credits play) Hey, what's this marching band have to do with Homer Jr.? (a poster depicting the Atomettes cheerleaders displays on the screen) What? There were cheerleaders in our house, and nobody told me? Ohh!
Milhouse: (referring to Lisa) I'm dating a cheerleader!