| Kirk Van Houten|
|Relatives|| Son: Milhouse|
Mother: Grandma Van Houten
Father: Grandpa Van Houten
Brother: Norbert Van Houten
|First Appearance||"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"|
|Voiced By||Hank Azaria|
Early Life and Marriage Edit
Kirk served in the U.S. Army and graduated from Gudger College. He worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, 'Southern Cracker' (the Dryyyyy Cracker), in middle management, but when Luann leaves him, he is fired from the factory. According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to borrow money from her sister or steal clothes from the church donation box. From  we find that Kirk has a Dutch heritage. He is also seen having a fight over their different heritage with Milhouse's Uncle.
Kirk After Divorce Edit
After the divorce, Kirk was stereotypical middle-aged male loser and deadbeat dad, with extreme emotional depression after his divorce from his wife Luann. He has been seen with one girlfriend since - Starla Starbeam, a chainsmoking alcoholic who stole his car. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visiting rights. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addressed him as "Weekend Dad". Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times. He once cut his foot off to try and get his wife back.After being fired from the Cracker factory, he struggled to hold down a job. He was once employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He atteneded Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy and he was also was a singer who sold his tapes from the trunk of his car. His song was titled "Can I Borrow A Feeling" and the album featured a picture of Kirk on the front in a robe, which he was using in an attempt to be a smoking jacket. He was also unemployed at some point, surviving on alimony payments and unemployment benefits. In the episode Days of Wine and D'oh'ses, Kirk is present at Barney's A.A. meeting. The episode was aired after Kirk and Luann divorced, suggesting that Kirk became an alcoholic after the divorce. Then Kirk marries a prostitute named Sally Higgins while drunk . Later on when he is about 58 years old Sally, 29, gets pregnant and has twins. After 12 years they get divorced and Kirk kills himself by overdose, drinking and setting his house on fire: he was tired of getting divorced and his second wife left him broke.
He was once arrested for kidnapping. When Bart goes to a concert his parents banned him from, he hides at Kirk's apartment which leads to his arrest. Despite liking the attraction from the ladies outside the prison, he is released when Principal Skinner, Lisa and Alcatraaz find out Bart was lying.
- He once had his right arm cut off by the wire that Snake Jailbird was using to decapitate Homer. 
- He seems to dislike children singing.
- He looks like a male Luann and some people wonder if they are related.
He died in several Treehouses of Horror from overdose, alcohol, and setting his house on fire.
- ↑ A Milhouse Divided
- ↑ A Milhouse Divided
- ↑ Little Orphan Millie
- ↑ "A Milhouse Divided"
- ↑ Large Marge
- ↑ I Am Furious Yellow
- ↑ "Realty Bites"