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- Homer: Why did you let that loser into our home?
- Marge: I'll tell you why: Christian charity.
- Homer: Christian Charity? What does a porn star have to do with this?
- Homer: Marge, admit it. You just can't say no to anyone. That's why you have 3 kids.
- Marge: I'm so sick of Gil, he ruins my Thanksgiving, uses my leg razor to peel his carrots…
- Gil: Aw, come on, you can't say no to Gil.
- Marge: (loudly) NO!!!!
- (Gil is eating chocolates from a heart-shaped box)
- Gil: Hey Homer, it's Valentine's Day, what are you getting the missus?
- Homer: (angrily) A heart-shaped box of chocolates!
- Homer: (twisting the Grumple's leg) Give back that holiday cheer, you bastard!
- The Grumple: Never!
- Moe: What's the matter, Homer? Do you still miss the UPN?
- Gil: Hey, who wants some eggs a la Harold Stassen? (silence; the kids cannot understand the joke) They're always running!
- Krusty on Ice Dancers: (singing) Laugh along with Christ and Krusty, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha! We got hired 'cause we are busty, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!