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Karl Factfile

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From 'The Homer Book'.

Karl (Homer's executive personal assistant)

Karl is a man of unshakable loyalty, infinite taste, and exceptional motivational skill, who is possessed of a boundless love for his fellow man. Karl builds up Homer's self-esteem, almost equaling the luxuriant height of Homer's new-grown hair, then accompanies Homer on his triumphant entrance into the palatial Executive Washroom. 

Quote: "Repeat after me. I deserve it! I love it! I am nature's greatest miracle!"

Attire: Tastefully natty.

Vocal quality: Husky, yet tender. Gravelly, yet stirring.

Pet peeves: Bargain-basement lime-green polyester, sniveling yes-men, and dirty fingernails.

Turn-ons: Breakfast in bed, strawberries and cream at Wimbledon, and gladiator movies.

Friends: Caterers, beauty salon operators, and the gals in the typing pool.

The utility of wardrobe: A man's suit should make him feel like a prince. It should cry out to the world, "Here I am! Don'e judge me! Love me!"

Secret to success: Anticipating your employer's every need, even the need they don't know they need until they need it.

Words to live by: "Never kiss a fool."

[Caption of Homer at the bottom of the page saying "Without Karl I would never have experienced the sublime joy of going to the bathroom."]

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