From 'The Homer Book'.
Karl (Homer's executive personal assistant)EditKarl is a man of unshakable loyalty, infinite taste, and exceptional motivational skill, who is possessed of a boundless love for his fellow man. Karl builds up Homer's self-esteem, almost equaling the luxuriant height of Homer's new-grown hair, then accompanies Homer on his triumphant entrance into the palatial Executive Washroom.
Quote: "Repeat after me. I deserve it! I love it! I am nature's greatest miracle!"
Attire: Tastefully natty.
Vocal quality: Husky, yet tender. Gravelly, yet stirring.
Pet peeves: Bargain-basement lime-green polyester, sniveling yes-men, and dirty fingernails.
Turn-ons: Breakfast in bed, strawberries and cream at Wimbledon, and gladiator movies.
Friends: Caterers, beauty salon operators, and the gals in the typing pool.
The utility of wardrobe: A man's suit should make him feel like a prince. It should cry out to the world, "Here I am! Don'e judge me! Love me!"
Secret to success: Anticipating your employer's every need, even the need they don't know they need until they need it.
Words to live by: "Never kiss a fool."
[Caption of Homer at the bottom of the page saying "Without Karl I would never have experienced the sublime joy of going to the bathroom."]