Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!
Kids enter a rustic camp cabin
Lisa: This is a bit more rustic than I expected.
Bart: I am not worried Lisa, for this has..Bart wipes off grime to reveal a Krusty sticker..the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval! You can only find these on products that meet the high personal standards of Krusty the Klown.
Camera pans into seal, then pans away on identical seal in another room in a city far away from Kamp Krusty, presumably Springfield. Seal is now on a Krusty lamp
Woman: This one gets very hot when plugged in.
Krusty: Let me see. Krusty touches lamp YEOW!
Woman: Should we get rid of it?
Woman motions to other defective merchandise such as a Krusty clock that says "hoo hoo ha ha" at an accelerated pace
Krusty: No it is good. In fact, all of these are good! Welp, I'm off to Wimbleton!
Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis'.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.
Lisa: [writing home] Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.
Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.
Mr. Black: Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!
Bart: [delusional] See, I told you Krusty would come just like I said! [chuckles] He's gonna bring us food and water, and smite our enemies!
[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]
Mr. Black: Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? [laughs nervously]
Barney: Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! [belches]
Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!
[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]
Bart and Kids: WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!
Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!
[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]
Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!
[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.
Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?
Kent: Yes, on this network you can.
[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]
Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!
Lisa: Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?
Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.
Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh, my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh, yeah.
Krusty: Oh, my God!!
Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!
Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?
Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!
Mrs. Krabappel: Here are your grades.
(She hands Bart his report card. He looks at it and notices he got an F in all subjects)
Bart: Oh, no, Mrs. Krabappel. If I don't get a C average, my dad won't let me go to Kamp Krusty.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, it isn't fair to the other children, but all right.
(She takes Bart's report card and changes his grade to a C average. Then she hands it back to him.)
Bart: Much obliged, doll.
(He smacks Krabappel's butt and she starts giggling)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, Bart Simpson, I'm gonna miss you.