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Kamp Krusty/Quotes

< Kamp Krusty

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Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
Kamp Krusty
A Streetcar Named Marge
Kearney: Here's your cabin. If you don't like it T.S.

Kent Brockman: I'm being told we can have an interviewer with the ringleader. [He walks into a shack.]
Homer: [Thinking] Don't be the boy. Don't be the boy.
[Camera shows Bart]
Homer: D'oh! [His hair falls off and stomach expands]

[The lottery numbers are read off.]
Homer: [holding his lottery ticket.]
Radio: Seventeen.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Thirty-two.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Five.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Eight.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Radio: Forty-seven.
Homer: D'oh!

Bart: I dreamt it was the last day of school!
Homer: Well, it is!
Bart: How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?
[Homer whacks Bart on the head with a newspaper.]
Bart: Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional.

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?
Homer: Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a 'C' average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!
Mrs. Krabappel: Have a 'D'-lightful summer.

Teacher: [when the bells ring] Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!
[The class waits expectantly.]
Teacher: We won!
Class: [running out of the building, cheering] Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Principal Skinner: [watching the children rock a car] Hm... I haven't seen such unfeathered hurly-burly since the fall of Saigon. Well, William, another school year gone by...
Groundskeeper Willie: And may I say a job well done, sir!
Principal Skinner: Well, back to work, then. Make sure to give those toilets a good scrubbing. We want the old girls sparkling when I get back. [puts on shades and leaves]
Groundskeeper Willie: [salutes] Aye, sir! [mutters under his breath when Skinner is gone] Eh, ya silk-wearin' buttercup...

Bart: Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Homer: 'A+'!? You don't think much of me, do you, boy?
Bart: No, sir.
Homer: You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy.
Bart: So I won't get to go to camp?
Homer: Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades and you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?
Bart: You mean I can go?
Homer: Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway.
Bart: Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have.
Homer: Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?

Bart: Hey, hands off my pickle!
Homer: I don't see your name on it, boy!
Bart: No, but-- [licks the pickle]
Homer: Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!
Bart: Always thinking two moves ahead.
Marge: It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
[The others ignore her and continue to eat.]
Marge: [crying] Oh, I'm going to miss this.

Marge: Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be.
Homer: Leaves of four, eat some more! [Laughs]

[The bus departs for Kamp Krusty with the kids on board.]
Bart: Don't look in my closet! In fact, stay out of my room all together.
Lisa: If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!

Mr. Black: I'll take any questions you might have ... you? And then, um ... one more.
Milhouse: Can we call you Uncle Blackie?
Mr. Black: No. Last question.

[The kids sit around a campfire of burning tires while the camp counselors (the school bullies) supervise.]
Bart: Don't we get to roast marshmallows?
Dolph: Shut up and eat your pine cone!

[At the dock, Lisa hesitates to get into a battered-looking canoe bobbing around in rough waves.]
Lisa: Uh ... Are you sure that's safe?
Kearney: Well, it ain't gettin' any safer!
[The canoe breaks apart and sinks.]

[At dinnertime ... ]
Lisa: You're serving us gruel?
Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!

Kids enter a rustic camp cabin
Lisa: This is a bit more rustic than I expected.
Bart: I am not worried Lisa, for this has..Bart wipes off grime to reveal a Krusty sticker..the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval! You can only find these on products that meet the high personal standards of Krusty the Klown.
Camera pans into seal, then pans away on identical seal in another room in a city far away from Kamp Krusty, presumably Springfield. Seal is now on a Krusty lamp
Woman: This one gets very hot when plugged in.
Krusty: Let me see. Krusty touches lamp YEOW!
Woman: Should we get rid of it?
Woman motions to other defective merchandise such as a Krusty clock that says "hoo hoo ha ha" at an accelerated pace
Krusty: No it is good. In fact, all of these are good! Welp, I'm off to Wimbleton!

Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis'.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.

Lisa: [writing home] Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.

Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.

Mr. Black: Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!
Bart: [delusional] See, I told you Krusty would come just like I said! [chuckles] He's gonna bring us food and water, and smite our enemies!
[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]
Mr. Black: Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny.
Bart: [angry] That's not Krusty the Clown!!
[The other kids gasp.]
Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? [laughs nervously]
Barney: Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! [belches]

Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!
[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]
Bart and Kids: WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!
Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!

[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]
Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!

[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.

Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?
Kent: Yes, on this network you can.

[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]
Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!
Lisa: Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?
Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.

Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh, my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh, yeah.
Krusty: Oh, my God!!

Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!

Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?

Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!

Mrs. Krabappel: Here are your grades.
(She hands Bart his report card. He looks at it and notices he got an F in all subjects)
Bart: Oh, no, Mrs. Krabappel. If I don't get a C average, my dad won't let me go to Kamp Krusty.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, it isn't fair to the other children, but all right.
(She takes Bart's report card and changes his grade to a C average. Then she hands it back to him.)
Bart: Much obliged, doll.
(He smacks Krabappel's butt and she starts giggling)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, Bart Simpson, I'm gonna miss you.


Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled

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