- “No, ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing.”
- ―John Line Saving Homer and Bart's life
John is the gay owner of Cockamamie's Collectibles Shop, an offbeat store filled with various "camp" items.
John is gay, which makes him have common traits associated with gay people. He's personable, friendly, charming, festive and of course, attracted to men.
He first appears when he shows that "a very old figurine" belonging to the Simpsons was just an old liquor bottle, quickly striking up a friendship with the Simpson family. Whilst exploring the Simpson's house searching for any value in the items there, Homer takes a shine to him. However, upon hearing that John is a homosexual, Homer turns against him. The rest of the family continue to enjoy John's company, with him taking them on a tour of Springfield. After a while, Homer fears that John's homosexuality is rubbing off on Bart and decides to take him hunting. After Homer has sustained a severe beating from a group of reindeer, John saves him, scaring the reindeer off with a Japanese robot Santa Claus. With this act, he earns Homer's trust. He is seen wearing Homer's "Pin Pals" bowling shirt, which Marge Simpson presumably gave away. It is hinted that John has been dating Waylon Smithers. Apparently, he also lied about having a sick mother in order to go out with the Simpson family, which Smithers discovered and got angry at John, with John jokingly stating that Smithers not leave him. He is also rather personable and level-headed, never taking Homer's harsh criticism of his sexuality to heart.
- Episode – "Homer's Phobia"
- Episode – "The Fool Monty" Seen in background at town hall meeting with blonde hair
- Episode – "Flaming Moe" (Cameo) Seen in the crowd at Moe's speech
- Book – The Simpsons Guide to Springfield
- Comic book – Anchormom
- – The Simpsons Movie Template:The Simpsons Movie