|Jazzy and the Pussycats||
- (After the chaos Bart caused at Amber’s Funeral, Marge gets the blame for it.)
- Helen Lovejoy: Your son is out of control!
- Sideshow Mel: You raised a savage beast!
- Homer: Yeah, put a leash on him, lady!
- (Bart practices his new drum set all over town and accidentally crashes into the band White Stripes.)
- Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?
- Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
- (Meg and Jack White look at each other.)
- Meg White: Let's kick his ass!
- Homer: Boy, get dressed! You’re going to a jazz brunch as a punishment for all the racket you’re making.
- Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
- Homer: Hmph. I’m sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you…
- Lisa: Yes?
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson…
- Lisa: Yes?
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor…
- Lisa: Yes!
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in... (Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We want to jam with your brother.
- Lisa: All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!
- Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
- Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!
- Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
- Bart: Hell, no.
- Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!
- Bart: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die?
- Marge: Stop calling her that!
- Lenny: I’ll tell you how she died. You know that sign that says, Do Not Stand Up at the Rollercoaster?
- Bart: Yeah.
- Lenny: She overdosed right in front of it.
- Marge: (Sarcastic) Oh class all the way.
- Homer: Marge, could you let it go? You won, she's dead.
- (Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
- Bart: Oh, this benefit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
- Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
- Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?
- (The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
- Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
- Lisa: Me? How?
- Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
- Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
- Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
- (The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
- Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!
- Child Psychiatrist: First, let me assure you that Bart's antics are perfectly normal for a seven-year-old.
- Marge: Actually, he's ten.
- Child Psychiatrist: Oh, dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
- (Lisa spots Bart and his Blues musician friends hanging out in the attic.)
- Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
- Bart: Uh, (stammers) not smoking reefer.
- Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- (Lisa picks out a dog at the Animal Shelter.)
- Lisa: Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. (Pets the dog) Ooh! Who's going to get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are!
- (Marge takes away Bart's laser pointer.)
- Marge: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you?
- Bart: Yes! Of course.
- Bart: My arm! It hurts where the tiger’s biting it!