Inanimate Carbon Rod (insensate heroic object)
Without carbon, no living thing could survive. And without the Inanimate Carbon Rod holding the door hatch on the space shuttle Corvair, Homer and his fellow NASA astronauts would surely have perished. On returning safely to earth, the Inanimate Carbon Rod makes the cover of "Time Magazine" ("In Rod We Trust") and is honored with a ticker tape parade.
Quote: No comment.
Number of protons: 6.
Relative atomic mass: 12.
Characteristics: Incredibly hard, unyielding, loyal.
Awards: Worker of the Week at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.
[Caption of Homer at the bottom of the page saying "Stupid Carbon Rod! It's all just a popularity contest."]