Mr. Burns' autobiography finally reaches number one best seller in the discount bin, mainly due to their use as booster seats in Krusty Burger restaurants. Burns however, wants to take on the best selling book ever, but upon hearing it is the bible, decides to take a different approach. Meanwhile, the Church is in as bad a state as ever.
Burns offers to buy the Church and ends up sponsoring it. He changes the Church to idol him and announces all environmental organizations as sins, before implementing his book as the selected read instead of the bible. Flanders leaves the Church and tries different religions.
After various religions, Flanders meets two men and believe they are fellow Christians, while Burns continues to promote the plant using the church, and fires Reverend Lovejoy. Jobless, he plots with Lisa and Bart to get the Church back.
They break in and find Burns' plan, to become the Pope. They are stumbled upon by Burns and Smithers, not realizing that the Church is not Catholic. To get the Church back Lovejoy guarantees Burns a place in Heaven, but signs it as Dog Heaven instead.
At the other church, Ned is about to sign a blood pact to become a member as Todd tells him its a Devil Church. Shocked, he rushes back to the First Church of Springfield.
It ends with a flash to the future, with Burns in Dog Heaven.