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- Captain McCallister: (To Apu) Thanks for delivering these copies of Jugs. They'll keep my men from resorting to homosexuality...for about ten minutes!
- Bart: And thank you, God, for the bad things adults do, which help distract people from what I'm doing.
- Homer: Hey! You with the scarf! Stop skywriting!
- Skywriter: I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code!
- Homer: I am so sick of that damn code!
- Homer: Mr. John, I'm your biggest fan. I tape-recorded all your songs off the radio.
- Elton: Oh, that's very sweet. Have a Grammy. (produces one from nowhere)
- Homer: Uh… (throws it in a garbage can)
- Ned: Aw, gee, the man's just trying to show his wife he cares for her. How can we sabotage his labor of love?
- Homer: I don't know. Gasoline, acid, I got some stuff in the trunk.
- Homer: This Valentine's crap has gone too far!
- Male Crowd: Yeah.
- Skinner: Eh, Edna won't even let me clap her erasers.
- Sideshow Mel: My Barbara will no longer pleasure me with the French arts!
- Moe: The gal I'm stalking had me bumped back to two hundred feet.
- Barney: Aw, Moe. That's too far.
- Marge: (hearing Manjula and Apu arguing in Indian) Maybe we should leave.
- Homer: Uh, uh, no way. I don't wanna miss a word.
- Marge: You don't know, what they're saying.
- Homer: I'm picking it up. (listens closely) "Sala" seems to mean "jerk". I think "Manjula" means some kind of spaceship.