|I'm Goin' to Praiseland||
- Lisa: Don't throw this away! It's Rod's first tooth!
- Bart: You're right, we could use this for witchcraft.
- The Rich Texan: Sell Storytown Village! Well you gotta be off your tuffet.
- Ned: Well It's been closed for so long! I like to turn it into a christian theme park.
- The Rich Texan: Christian eh. Well, that's different.
- Ned: And the thing is I don't have a lot of money.
- The Rich Texan: And what the good hell are you? Beat it you hippie!
- Ned: But I...
- The Rich Texan: You're right. That was harsh. Maybe I can donate this park as a tax write off.
- Ned: If you do this? I'll make this place a shining becon for the lord.
- The Rich Texan: Aw you are so full of it!? (pause) God's grace that is. It's really sickening! (pause) There aren't more people like you. Now get out! (pause) Your pen. And we'll make it official.
- Ned: Oh bless you sir.
- (Mayor Quimby rolls up in a limo.)
- Mayor Quimby: It is with uh, great pride that I dedicate this new school, sports arena, or attraction.
- (Cuts the ribbon and drives off.)
- Ned: Ah, Geppetto's Workshop would make a Great Stable for the Nativity Scene.
- (Bart is picking up grass when Homer comes).
- Homer: Bart, you're doing that sucker way. Try a little of Vitamin G. (burns the grass)
- Bart: (Looks at Homer) Are you, nuts?!?
- Homer: Relax. It's a controlled burn. Uh oh. (The fire burns Bo Peep and one sheep into skeletons).
- (Deleted Scene)
- Lisa: (carrying the red wagon) We can turn these 3 Pigs into Wisemen.
- Homer: Just like in the Bible.(scene end)
- Ned: (carrying the Old Woman's Shoe and beer bottles fall out by Homer) Huh, Darn teenagers with their beer bottles.
- Homer: (nervously) Yeah... Teenagers. (laughs)
- Groundskeeper Willie: This sawdust'll soak up the puke from the rooler coaster. It's Willie's special blend.
- Homer: (sniffs the sawdust) Do I detect a hint of cinnamon?
- Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, I'll never tell.
- Cletus Spuckler: I'll have the darkety kind.
- Professor Frink: Uh, one chocolate, Mootilda.
- Marge: Could I have a swirl of Chocolate and Vanilla?
- Mootilda: Moooo!? Muh uh!
- Frink: Nonsense, you can do it! (Mootilda kicks Frink in the groin.) Glaaven!
- Nelson: What do you hit them with? There's no mallet!
- Ned: You can stop Satan with your faith.
- Nelson: With my face? You calling me ugly?
- Ned: No, no, no. I think you're beautiful!
- Nelson: Oh, that's it!