|| How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?
- Pigeon Owner: He's a homing pigeon, girlie. Why don't you let him fly home? Unless you want to spring for a limo.
- Lisa: Looks like you're gonna have to take care of him, Bart.
- Bart: Me? Just what in my long, sad history with frogs makes you think I can take care of a bird?
- Bart: Go ahead, make fun of me. I lost my heart to a bird.
- Nelson: (unenthusiastic) Haw-haw.
- Bart: Man, you are not into that. What's wrong?
- Nelson: My mom ran off with my birthday clown.
- Bart: That coop looks a little flimsy.
- Homer: Peh. Flimsy? This gentle pat says different.
- (Homer pats coop; the staples pop off and the frame collapses; the chicken wire rolls up back into the box and the staples fall in place to close it)
- Homer: D'oh!
- Edna Krabappel: I won't ask who sent the message if I can use the pigeon to send an message of my own.
- Bart: As long as we're not learning.
- Edna Krabappel: Deal.
- Mr. Burns: (reads note from pigeon) "Do a ballet dance without no clothes on." Bad grammar. Good advice.
- Moe: Hey, Homer. You ever think about racing that bird?
- Homer: You can race pigeons?
- Moe: Hey, if it moves, you can bet on it.
- Bart: What about the Detroit Lions?
- Moe: Uh, no, now lay off Detroit. Them people is living through Mad Max times.
- Homer: Hmm. Me, the patriarch of a bird-racing dynasty.
- (Thought bubble shows Homer with trophy; Danica Patrick appears)
- Danica Patrick: Congratulations, Homer.
- Homer: Danica Patrick in my thoughts?
- Danica Patrick: That's right, Homer. I'm contractually obligated by my sponsors to appear in random fans' fantasies. Better not tell Marge about it.
- Marge: You brickyard bimbo!
- (They fight; the thought bubble fades)
- Homer: Heheheh. Ended that a little too soon.
- (Thought bubble reappears with Danica and Marge beating up Homer)
- Homer: What they don't suspect is that I'm into this.
- Homer: (chasing Santa's Little Helper around the backyard) Stupid dog! Let go of that delicious bird!
- Nelson: What do you think, Mom?
- Mrs. Muntz: Well, ask your new father.
- (Birthday clown honks horn)
- Nelson: You haven't earned the right to say that to me!
- Nelson: This funeral just got depressing.
- Martin: Let's lighten up the mood, boys! (Martin, Milhouse, Database and Nelson sing Put on a Happy Face)
- Bart: Thanks. That song does make me feel a little better.
- Martin: It's from Bye Bye Birdie. (Bart starts crying and runs back into the house)
- Homer: Marge, listen to the man. He pays Bart's salary.
- Marge: No, he doesn't.
- Homer: Why can't you support my gibberish? I'd do it if you were stupid.
- Homer: A shrink that takes kids and pets?
- Dr. Thurston: Hey, in this economy, I'll even remove tattoos.
- Homer: Even my tramp stamp? (Lifts up back of shirt to show tattoo that says "Cheap Trick") I got the idea from a show where people regret these.
- Bart: Why is 'It' coming with us? And for once, I'm not talking about Lisa.
- Lisa: It's amazing how I feel sorry for you and hate you at the same time. I'm sure there's a German word for it.
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