|Homie the Clown||
- Homer cannot get the image of Krusty's Klown Kollege out of his mind. He sees a clown that looks like Lenny dancing to circus music
- Lenny: Hey, Homer, the section you're supposed to be monitoring is on fire.
- Four clowns tumble into room to clown music
- Homer: Clowns are funny.
- Performing clowns transform into Charlie and three other men who are aflame
- Co-workers: AUGH!!! HELP US!
- Krusty asks each of his students at clown college where they are from.
- Man #1: Georgia.
- Man #2: Texas.
- Man #3: (also wearing a cowboy hat and speaking with a Texan accent) Uh...Brooklyn.
- Man #4: Russia.
- Man #5: New Hampshire.
- Homer: Homer.
- Homer has completed all his courses at Krusty's Klown Kollege and is dressing in a Krusty costume for his commencement
- Bart: Wow, I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad.
- Lisa: If there had to be a bastardized version of Krusty, I'm glad it's you.
- Homer: Thanks, honey. Bank shot! [bounces seltzer off Bart's cheek and onto Lisa]
- Lisa: Wow! That's good aim, Dad.
- Homer: Well, it was my major.
- Krusty: OK, we'll start off with the baggy -- wha? [sees Homer, whose pants fit him perfectly] Those are supposed to be baggy pants! Baggy!
- Homer: Ooh. I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life.
- Krusty: OK, memorize these funny place names: Walla Walla. Keokuk. Cucamonga. Seattle --
- Homer: [laughs] Stop it, you're killing me! [laughs more] Seattle.
- Krusty: Welcome to the noble family of skilled Krustaceans. You will now go back to your home towns and do kids' parties, swap meets, and all the other piddling crap I wouldn't touch with a ten foot clown pole. Now, come and get your catskins -- er, I mean, sheepskins.
- Luigi Risotto: You don't want to sit with the rest of this scum.
- (people get mad)
- Luigi: I only consider you scum-a compared to Krusty.
- (people forgive him)
- Luigi: Yeah, you see how you scum.
- Dick: Let's walk and talk. I, uh, I have some wonderful stories about other famous people that include me in some way.
- Homer: Er, can't, I'm wanted over at a rodeo.
- Dick: Hey, me too. We can go together.
- Homer: Um...no, I'm going a different way than you, Dick.
- Dick: Your...churlish attitude reminds me of a time I was having dinner with Groucho and--
- Homer: Look, you're going to be having dinner with Groucho tonight if you don't beat it.
- Homer gets abducted by Fat Tony due to his resemblance to Krusty
- Homer: But wait! You can't kill me for being Krusty! I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!
- Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
- Homer: Uh, actually, my name is Barney, Yeah! Barney Gumble!
- Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
- Homer: Uh, actually, my real name is, uh -- think, Krusty, think. -- Joe Valachi!
- Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?
- Homer: Benedict Arnold!?
- Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
- Homer: D'oh!