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Homerpalooza |
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- Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact!
- (flashback to 1974; a teenage Homer sees some men by a van)
- Man: Quadraphonic sound, a water bed and now a strobe light. Gentlemen, say hello to the Second Base Mobile.
- Men: Wicked.
- (the men groove to "Frankenstein" by the Edgar Winter Group; Homer joins them, but in a series of strobe shots it is shown he not welcome)
- (Springfield High School; Homer is drinking from the water fountain)
- Homer: {narrating} Back then we didn't care what anyone think, and the chicks found that irresistable.
- Sandra: I think you're cool Homer Simpson.
- Sandra and her friend walk away from Homer.
- Girl: Sandra, that was mean!
- Sandra: {giggling} I know!
- Homer: {narrating} But most importantly I remember the music.
- Simpson residence. Homer and Barney are singing You Make Me Feel Like Dancing by Leo Sayer.
- Homer: You make me feel like dancing!
- Barney: I want to dance the night away!
- A younger Grampa (although known as Abraham as he is not yet a grandfather) enters room.
- Abraham: What the hell are you doing?!
- Barney: Geez, it's called rocking out!
- Homer: You wouldn't understand Dad, you're just not with it.
- Abraham: I used to be with it, until they changed what it was. Now what I am with isn't it and what is it seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!
- Homer: No way, man! We are going to be rocking forever...
- Present day. Homer looks at himself in mirror.
- Homer: {depressed} ...forever...forever.
- Bart: So, what's it like being famous, Dad?
- Homer: People know your name, but you don't know theirs. It's great.
- Bart: Dear Lord, if you keep Homer from embarrassing us today, we promise to build several churches in your honor.
- Marge: This is so exciting. Last time I got to go backstage was when Bart ripped his pants at the Christmas play.
- Bart: Mom!
- Cypress Hill Member: Haw Haw!
- Bart: Dad, no one cares about any of your stupid dinosaur bands. You have the worst, lamest taste in music ever.
- Homer: I'm just trying to party with you guys!
- Bart: Homer, first of all, it's par-tay, and second, we wouldn't par-tay with you if you were the last dad on earth!
- Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
- Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
- Lisa: It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd.
- Bart: Ah, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
- Guy: Aw man, there goes Peter Frampton's big finale. He's gonna be pissed off.
- Peter Frampton: You're damn right I'm gonna be pissed off! I bought that pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!
- Marge (reading a letter from the school): Dear parents, due to yesterday's unscheduled field trip to the auto wrecking yard, the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. By reading this letter out loud, you have waived any legal responsibility on our part in perpetuity throughout the universe.
- Lisa: Generation X may be shallow, but at least they have tolerance and respect for all people.
- Homer: Hey, a freak show!
- Lisa (about Hullabalooza): Wow! It's like Woodstock, only with advertisements everywhere and tons of security guards.
- Marge (to Homer): So you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show.
- Homer: I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
- Marge: Of course you have a choice.
- Homer: How do you figure?
- Marge: You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along.
- Homer: You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different people.
- Billy Corgan: Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop is your hometown, Springfield.
- D'Arcy: Is it true that we have to bring our own water?
- Homer: We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.
- Chamberlin: The hometown show's the big one, Homer.
- Iha: Yeah, people who called you a weirdo in high school get to see what a successful freak you've become. [points to D'Arcy]
- D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.
- Homer: Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views on Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.
- Freak Show Manager: Homer, nothing's more important to me than the health and well-being of my freaks. I'm sending you to a vet.
- Bart: So what's it like being famous, dad?
- Homer: People know your name but you don't know theirs. It's great.
- Bart: Dad, do you wear boxers or briefs?
- Homer: [checking under his pants] Nope!
- Bart: What religion are you?
- Homer: [thinking] You know... The one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life... Uh... Christianity.
- Peter Frampton: God. Homer Simpson wrecks my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra and Sonic Youth's in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids!
- Homer: I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
- Kim Gordon: Hey, Hullabalooza isn't about freaks; it's about music, and advertisement, and youth-oriented product positioning.
- Mr. Burns: And to think you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster. "Nobody's going to pay 100% service charge."
- Smithers: Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir.
- Homer: Well, we'll have to organize a car pool. Hey! Every day will be like a road tripā¦ with your dadā¦ to school!
- Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
- Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
- Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
- Lisa: That song is so lame.
- Homer: So lame that it's...cool?
- Bart and Lisa: No.
- Marge: Am I cool, kids?
- Bart and Lisa: No.
- Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool, not caring, right?
- Bart and Lisa: No.
- Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried everything here.
- Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.
- Bart: Well, sure you do.
- Lisa: How else would you know?